Out with a bang? More like out with a blegh.

Last lesson of the 2019 and it was a lackluster end to the year, actually. I didn't get a chance to practice since our last lesson and it clearly showed. I was a bit of a mess today. We just worked on moves and, since my last lesson was just jumps, I haven't touched moves in like what, two weeks? Ugh.

Eight Step Mohawk - LOL. This was a joke. I actually forgot the steps! Sigh. And then when I remembered the steps I did an inside mohawk instead of the outside mohawk on my bad side. What a hot mess! At one point I told him "clearly I haven't practiced this." Oops.

FO-BI 3 Turns - Good side was okay. I don't even remember if he asked to the see the other side. That's how remarkable these were.

FI-BO 3 Turns - Again, trash. We worked a bit on the LBO since that is where I struggle the most getting around. He reminded me to turn my head with the turn as it makes things much easier.

Cross Strokes - Forward was okay but he would like to see me cross on the ice earlier. Backward was steppy so he had me do the step but hold my free leg in front for 2-3 counts. Tricky.

Power Pulls - We spent some time working on the forward pulls. I have a tendency to have my free leg go out to the side instead of keeping it nicely crossed in front.

Sprials - We didn't get to these in the lesson but I continued the torture by working on them for a bit once the lesson was over. These don't feel terrible, oddly.

So, yeah, I had a string of good lessons and then this one. To be fair, the holiday drop-in times are not the most accommodating to working adults as they usually start at around the same time I need to be at work. Once January hits and we are back on the contract schedule, I'll be fine.

I'm doing a Goal Post soon to recap the year and talk about 2020 goals. Stay tuned :)

Bungee Cord of Doom

Lesson today! Christopher just got back from a Skate Camp in Vail this past weekend and was eager to try out some new coaching techniques with me! Exciting. We decided (well, I decided because I haven't had a jumps lesson in forever) to just focus on jumps today. I told him of my waltz jump woes so that is what we started with.

Waltz - It actually wasn't as bad today as it has been but it obviously needs adjustment. He gave me as exercise that has me doing alternating jump preps down the blue line making sure to bring the free leg up into a nice "h" while at the same time bringing my arms up and out and meeting in an upside-down "v" with my hands. After two alternating preps, I jump. This helped rewire my brain about how I approach this jump and it's so needed right now since it feels so different with these new skates. I'll keep at it. I feel like this is good prep for an eventual axel (#AxelBy50).

Salchow - He then asked to see my salchow and, since it has pretty much always been garbage, we spent a lot of time trying to fix it. As always, I'm relying on the spin to get the jump going so we worked on flattening out the three turn and holding the exit of the turn for as long as possible before swinging the free leg around for the jump. It's a weird feeling for sure.

Toe Loop - We skipped this for some reason and went right into...

Loop - He watched me do one and said it wasn't bad but he wanted to fix my arms so he gave me the "bungee cord of doom" (my term, not his) and told me to grasp both ends. Then, I'm to do the jump while holding it out in front of me and not letting go. Holy $hit this was scary! Even though I was holding on to the thing it felt like I didn't have arms. I didn't realize how much I relied on my arms to help the jump until I didn't have my arms anymore! Whoa.

Flip - We worked on this briefly. Mostly, he still wants me to get a better "pick and draw" and learn to vault off of my toe pick. I'm still two-footing the takeoff somehow.

Backspin - We spent a hot second looking at my backspin progress. I told him of my eureka moment of realization regarding the twisting of my upper body so he had me position my arms a bit differently (basically holding them out in front of me like I'm hugging a giant beach ball instead of bringing my arms in under my right boob). This seemed to help keep my upper body from twisting in the opposite direction so I'll keep doing it this way in practice. I've determined that this is the reason for my lack of progress in the cross-legged backspin. I can clearly do a backspin in the flamingo position but when I cross, the weight of my skating leg is different and my upper body is trying to compensate somehow by twisting in the opposite direction. So, if I can train my upper body to not do that, I think my "proper" backspins will start to improve.

It was a jam-packed lesson but I learned a lot. I have some new techniques to try and some new insights into why some things work while others don't. Neat!

Combo Post

I didn't blog about Wednesday morning's practice so I'm just going to combine Wednesday and today in one post. Overall, skates are feeling better each time I get on the ice. One of the biggest things I've noticed is how quiet I am now. I was a very scratchy skater before but now I'm not! Going backwards in the old skates, I always felt toe heavy and you could hear me scratching from the other side of the rink. Now, I'm like a stealthy ninja! So silent! I'm not sure if it's the blades or the boots or a combo of the two but, whatever it is, it's working for me!

Movez - I worked on all of the Silver Moves! On Wednesday, I feel like I was really making some progress with my weaker backward three turns but then today I struggled. I don't mind skills disappearing as long as I know they'll come back. Hopefully these will. I also feel like I made some headway on the power pulls. Going forward on my right leg feels less scary and I'm even able to do some backward pulls on my left leg now. It's getting there!

Jumpz - I spent the second half of my practice working on jumps and spins. I have been able to get my jumps back with the exception of (oddly) my waltz jump. Today, however, I figured that I just had to change my approach a bit. If I jump up more instead of out I'm able to do a better jump. Toe loops feel pretty good now and my loops are less scary. Salchows were a hot mess before the new skates and they still kind of are. Alas. I tried a flip jump. I almost died so I didn't try another.

Spinz - These were feeling pretty centered today so I tried some camel spins. Ooooh boy...that was awful! But hey, I tried. I'll just have to keep trying until they start to look less awful.

I think at this point, my moves are better now than they were before the new skates and injury. I definitely feel more confident doing them even though they are still nowhere near testing. Progress is being made in very small increments but I'll take that over no progress at all.

Not so bad, actually!

Lesson today! Yesterday was a drop in day and I was sick so I didn't practice as scheduled. As a result, I was kinda nervous for today since that means I only really had one hour of practice since my previous lesson. We just focused on MIF today which is good. I need it and I'm not really into jumping lately. We touched on everything except spirals. I need to work on those more in practice.

Eight-Step Mohawkz - It was a busy session so this felt impossible to do while others were sharing the ice and running their programs. I tried, however, and from what he was able to see me do, he had corrections for. All steps should have an even cadence! I'm taking some long pauses in between things so I really have to be more mindful about keeping my steps nice and even. He also emphasized neat feet.

Forward and Backward Cross Strokez - My forward strokes are much better. He didn't have much in the way of corrections here so I think I've finally gotten the hang of it! Woo! Going backwards is a different animal. I still need a little more finesse and I should be stepping backward almost in a T position keeping my feet together as much as possible. But hey, at least I'm not toepick stepping anymore!

FO-BI 3 Turnz - I was able to do both sides relatively well. It's still evident that my LBIs are the weaker side but I'm at least able to get them done down the length of the rink without splatting. Still needs work, though.

FI-BO 3Turnz - We only looked at my good side because I'm still not quite there yet with the LBO 3 turn. It's the last of the four backward 3 turns that I haven't mastered yet.

Forward and Backward Power Pullz - You know what I hate? Power Pulls! Like, I super loathe them! I warned him ahead of time that my forward pulls are pretty bad but after I did them he said they weren't as bad as I made them out to be. Huh...ok, neat! They still need a hella lot of work though. He gave me an exercise that helps; Two forward slaloms into two forward pulls. Wash, rinse, repeat. The backward pulls aren't so bad but, again, you can definitely tell which leg is the weaker leg. Something to work on.

It was a good lesson! I feel so much more at ease just working on moves. I'm glad I decided to sit the rest of the season out. It's so much healthier for me right now! He asked when I planned on returning to ballet and I told him I'm not quite ready now since I started a new job recently and things are a bit hectic. But I plan on returning soon.

Feelin' Good

Today was the first day where the new skates felt good and didn't leave my ankles sore. Progress! Again, I focused mostly on Silver Moves but I threw in a bunch of spins and a few jumps as well.

Movez - I feel like I made the most progress today on the backward 3 turns. It's been a journey getting the feel for these again in the new skates but I was able to improve the consistency of my LBI 3 turns and I was able to get a better glide-out after my RBO 3 turn. There were no earth shattering improvements but things are getting better slowly. I worked a bit on the other moves but spent more time on the cross strokes trying to get the glide across better on the forward strokes.

Spinz - These felt really good today. I have discovered that with these new blades I'm hitting the sweet spot more often than not and it feels really nice to see centered tracings on the ice for a change. I even worked on some scratch spins now that I'm not traveling much anymore! The one thing I struggled with today were the backspins. Christopher gave me some homework which is to glide backwards in the backspin position to get the proper alignment but I keep twisting! It's weird because when I do the same position going forward, it's fine. Going backward, I twist. I know this is why I'm struggling with my backspins but I'm at a loss for how to fix it. This only happens when I cross my leg over for the backspin but not when I'm flamingo'd. I think I'll make fixing my backspin one of  my goals for the new year!

Jumpz - I did them. Nothing fabulous but they got worked on briefly. They feel more secure now that the skates are feeling more comfortable. My loop doesn't feel as big as it used to though so that's disappointing. It was the one thing I could at least do sorta well.

Lesson time!

Today was my first lesson with Christopher since I injured myself back in September. Yay for guidance!

We started out by discussing the new skates. I told him that there is a lot of pressure from the boot on my right inside ankle so he suggested that I get it punched out. I then told him that I think the left blade needs to be adjusted slightly since I'm having a difficult time getting on my left outside edge. Since I have a temp mount, it shouldn't be a problem. He had me do some one foot glides for him and, sure enough, I veer to the inside on that foot. Overall, though, I told him that the skates were a good choice and they should start to feel better the more I skate in them.

Spinz - After discussing the blades, he wanted to see how I'm spinning in them. One-foot spins look okay (he actually said they look a lot smoother now!) so he wants me to start crossing my leg over for some scratch spins. We moved on to some back spins (ugh) and those are still wonky. It's not the skates, it's me. But! I had a bit of an "ah ha" moment today while we were working on them! He had me just do a backward glide in the backspin position and I discovered that my upper body is turning away from the direction of the spin! So, in other words, my bottom half is turning in one direction while my upper half is going the opposite way. No wonder my backspins are trash! So, he tasked me with just working on the backwards glides in the back spin position focusing on keeping my upper body in alignment. I really hope this fixes things.

Movez - Obviously, I'm not going to Sectionals in March because of being off the ice for so long and trying to learn how to skate all over again with new equipment so I told him that I would like to just focus on getting skills back for the next couple of months. Mostly, I just want to work on Moves for now and then when my skates are broken in and I'm feeling more confident, I would like to start a new program for competition next fall. He agrees with the plan so we started with cross strokes. I made some progress with these today! He wants me to stay away from crossing the free leg over and instead glide it across on the ice. This helps with that underpush as well. w00t! Next, we tackled some backward 3 turns (the outside ones). I'm pretty much coming to a stop once I make the turn so we worked on having me keep the free leg crossed after the turn and that seemed to help. I've been neglecting the BO 3 turns in favor of the insides because of compulsories but now since I don't have to worry about competing anytime soon, I can make more time to focus on these again. We briefly talked spirals before the lesson ended. Basically, he wants me to work on getting five lobes down the length of the rink.

I have quite a bit to work on for next week but I've got my fire back! I think the time I've spent off the ice forced me to just regroup and refocus. It's silly that it took an injury to get me to do this but I'm happy that I have a better mindset now!

Baby Steps

I got to the rink this morning for my 7:00am session but there was a hockey game on the Blue Rink and they didn't look as though they were finishing up anytime soon. The Red Rink was empty so it looked like they just got on the wrong rink. Regardless, there were about 7 of us waiting around for them to finish up so the zamboni could get the ice ready for us. Finally, at about 7:15, we were able to get on the ice. This really sucked for me because, even though the program director came out and offered to extend our time to give us all a full hour, I still needed to leave at my originally scheduled time so I could make it to work on time. So, I only got about 30 minutes of practice. Boo.

Movez - I felt more comfortable in my skates today so I was able to do more than I did on Wednesday. I focused almost entirely on Silver Moves. My RBI 3 turn is feeling like it used to in the old skates. It's pretty consistent. But, I completely lost my LBI 3 turn (not like it was awesome to begin with)! I spent a good amount of time working on these to get them to a point where they aren't entirely terrifying. I made some small progress. I also worked on the Cross Strokes some more trying to get a nice underpush going forward and a little bit better flow going backward.

Spinz - These happened. My one-foot spins are feeling better so I might venture out soon and work on some other types of spins. Getting used to actually having a rocker now is interesting.

Jumpz - I tried a loop jump today! The first one was small but I landed it and the second one was a bit of a flaily mess. I almost died. I moved on to salchows, toe loops, and....wait for it....flips! Nothing was beautiful but at least I tried.

So yeah, not a lot of time to really do much of anything but I packed as much as I could into those 30 minutes.

Officially Back!

I started the new winter contract this morning and it feels good to officially be back on the ice. I can't say I was awesome today but some progress was made.

New Skatez - This weekend, I replaced the laces that came with the skates because they were too wide. They were more like shoe laces than skate laces. I replaced them with proper skate laces and it makes all the difference. However, since the new laces are a bit shorter, I discovered that I can't use all the hooks on my boots at the same time. There will always need to be one set of hooks on each boot that goes unused. This is fine since the Premiere boot has like a gajillion damn hooks so it won't hurt to miss a set. So, now it's a just matter of choosing which ones to skip. I started out with all of the hooks laced except for the middle back hook but about 10 minutes into the session I realized I could not bend my knees. I got off the ice and relaced, this time using all of the hooks except the very top. That helped. I think I'll stick with this lacing pattern until things break down a bit more. Otherwise, the new boots/blades didn't feel as hurty as they did last time I got on the ice. It's still not entirely comfortable but it's getting there.

Movez - I started out with edges (forward and backward) before moving on to Bronze moves. I didn't want to just jump right in with Silver moves because I'm just not there yet so instead I worked on things that were more familiar. Once I felt comfortable enough, I dabbled in some Silver moves. I began with forward and backward cross strokes and then spent the rest of my time on FO-BI three turns. Let me just state that doing backward three turns was already a scary endeavor but now with new skates, the scary has intensified! I was able to get around on the LFO-RBI turns but not on the other side. I just need to get the feel for these blades.

Jumpz & Spinz - Seriously not a lot of time on these. It wasn't that I was scared to jump or spin, I just don't feel comfortable with these skates yet and I don't want to injure myself yet again. I did a few waltz jumps, one salchow that I fell on, a few half flips, and a couple of toe loops. They were all small and hesitant for reasons. Spins were okay. I just did a few basic one foot spins to get a feel for where my rocker is on these blades. When I hit the rocker, my spins are really nicely centered. Beautiful! I will venture out and do some sit spins, camels, and back spins on Friday when I go back.

Overall, it was an okay session. Not bad for my second practice since September. Once you factor in the new skates and the fact that I'm recovering from an injury, I think I did pretty well, actually. I'm back with Christopher on Saturday so I'm trying to get as much back as I can before then so I'm not a total disappointment.

Starting over yet again

The plan for today included me going down to the skate shop to pick up the replacement skates but I got a message from them early in the morning to tell me that the Jackson representative said that it was normal for the hooks to move a bit when you heat mold them. I was assured that the hooks are still stable and the skates are under warranty so if I have problems in the future, they will fix or replace. I wanted to get on a public session to start the process of getting used to new boots and blades but I also don't want to get hurt again so I double checked the stability of the hooks and they seem pretty solid.

I went to the Sport Stable for a one hour public session and had pretty low expectations for my first time out. I started with edges and then worked my way up to some crossovers and field moves. Once things started to feel okay, I did some small waltz jumps and a salchow or two. Here's what I've noticed: I HAVE A ROCKER NOW!!!! So, you know how my spins are super travel-y? They aren't anymore. I have a nice rocker now and I can easily get to it (and stay on it!). Every single one of my spins felt awesome! Another thing I noticed is that my edge jumps feel safe but I'm terrified of toe jumps. I did a toe loop by the boards and took a HUGE chunk out of the ice when I picked in. These cross-cut toe picks are super grabby and it doesn't seem like I need to pick in as hard as I did with my straight-cut picks. This will take some time to get used to. But damn, these skates are nice. I feel FANCY!

I ended up only skating for 45 minutes out of the hour because things started to hurt. Oddly, my injured calf didn't hurt at all but instead, my left leg where the plates and screws are was the area where I felt some pain. I think I need to play around with the lacing to see what's going to give me the support I need without putting too much pressure on that area. Once I get that figured out, I think I'll be in a good place with these skates. I was really expecting my most recent injury to give me grief but it actually felt good today. I've been keeping up with my PT so that's helped.

So, now I need to get signed up on the new contract and get back to my regular practice schedule and lessons. I've been doing a lot of thinking about Sectionals in March and I just don't think I'm going to do it. I think I'm out for the rest of the season (which sadly will result in a DNQ for the Adult Competition Series). This will give me some time to recover, work on getting back to basics, and work on improving skills to get ready for the next competition season. I don't want to push myself like I did over the summer. I was miserable and ended up with an injury. I need to rest my body, mind, and spirit so I can come back even stronger. I want to scrap the Star Wars program and start fresh next season with something new and different. I have a dress, I have music, and I have the desire to kick some ass!

New Skates, Who Dis?

I went to pick up the new boots and blades I ordered before I got injured. They are BEAUTIFUL! I got to the pro shop and my boots were thrown into the oven and, once they were properly toasty, they were put on my feet. However, when they were being laced up, the hooks on the inside of the right boot came loose! The hooks basically popped right out of the holes! Just my luck to get a pair of defective boots! Sad Panda. They were still heat molded and the blades were mounted but a new pair has been ordered. In the meantime, I'll skate around with these (carefully) to get used to the feel of them but I'll be going back on November 15th to do this whole process over again with another pair of boots that aren't falling apart.

So, he mounted the blades and then asked me to get on the ice to see how they feel. Oh boy, was that a terrifying experience! I have not been on the ice in about 6 weeks and I'm still not technically allowed to be skating yet so I was hesitant but I know it's necessary to see how the blades are aligned. I stepped on the ice and, like a beginner on their first public session, I was clutching the wall! Embarrassing! My ankles were so unsteady and my legs were shaking. I'm not sure if it was the fear, the injury, or the new equipment but you would think I've never stepped foot on ice before. Eventually, I was able to do some edges down the blue line and then brave a 3-turn and a mohawk. Man, this is going to be a process!

I stopped half-way through to re-tie. Because I'm going from Reidells to Jacksons, I expected things to feel a bit alien but I did not expect it to feel this....foreign. I know my ankles are supported but the ankle area has a lot more give than my old Reidells so it's a pretty scary feeling. So, I puttered around for about 20 minutes before determining that the blades are mounted well. I'm just going to have to go through an incredible adjustment period.

I don't remember it being so drastic last time but, to be fair, the last time I got new boots and blades was in 2005 in Houston and I was very much a beginner so it's not like I had any skills to lose. Last time, I pretty much went from rentals to real skates so it felt incredible and I was able to do so much more. But now, I'm recovering from an injury and on top of that I'm slapping completely different equipment on my feet. It's a lot to deal with all at once.

So, here are some pictures. I'm sad that these will be replaced with another pair of boots (I'll keep the blades) but I'm happy that I won't be starting out with a defective pair. OH! And he talked me into getting some insoles and holy cow those feel good! I never knew I needed them until he put them in the boots and I slipped my foot in. Like a dream! These are the ones I got. Highly recommend!

Free at Last!

I visited to the Orthopedist today and he has given me his blessing to take off the boot and start wearing regular shoes. In all honesty, I've been walking around without the boot for the past few days. It doesn't hurt much when I'm wearing shoes because those typically have a bit of a heel but walking barefoot still smarts. He said he wants me to start some PT for 2-6 weeks depending on how well I progress and then, toward the middle or end of November, I can get back on the ice.

My plan is to add walking back into my daily routine (I was doing 6,000 steps a day before the injury but I might now have to start slow and build back up to that), pick up my new boots and blades, and start back on the ice unofficially in mid to late November. Nothing fancy. Just edges mostly until I start feeling more capable. The last thing I want to do is re-injure myself and have to start from scratch. Then, I will make an official return to the ice in January (with a contract) and start back at lessons again. I figure two months will be enough to get comfortable again on the ice and get used to new skates.

I'm still planning on doing Sectionals in March and since I've been away from the ice I'll be keeping my Star Wars program because I won't have time to learn something new. However...I have ideas swimming around in my head for something fun for my next freeskate program. I already bought the dress and I'm thinking outside of the box on this one. Something....dark.

Update!

I had a follow-up appointment at the orthopedist's office today! He pretty much asked me if it still hurts and then felt my calf for a bit before making the declaration that I need to remain in the boot for another 3 weeks. At that time, he'll look at me again and consider removing one of the heel wedges in the boot to gradually get me walking normally again. This tells me he'll have me stay in the boot for some time after he removes the wedge. Sigh.

I'm getting around better, though, and he gave me his blessing to walk in the boot without having to use crutches. But he ordered me to rest when I can and avoid moving as much as possible. Basically, I should only walk when necessary.

I'm bored out of my mind, though. I haven't sat around this much in a long time. But, I'm getting a lot of reading done on the weekends since I really have nothing else to do on my days off.

So yeah, I'm still in the boot and then I'll be in the boot for some time after that. I am a prisoner of the boot...

Not Again!

I'm hurt...again. I've have some little injuries all summer but this time I'm really hurt and I'll be off the ice for bit. This sucks!

On Sunday evening I was messing around with some floor jumps at home. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. I practice floor jumps at home all the time. I usually start with the easiest jumps and work my way up to the harder ones. I did one waltz jump and it was okay so I did another. When I landed the second one, I came down on my landing leg a goofy way and I heard an audible "pop" in my right calf and then I was on the floor unable to get up. I was home alone at the time since my husband was at work so I had to crawl to my phone and text him about it. I wasn't able to put any weight on my right leg and the pain was increasing. When he finally got home, I told him I wanted to just wait until Monday morning to go to the orthopedist instead of going to the ER that night. I figured they would just send me to the ortho anyway so let's just skip the ER (and the copay) and go right to the people who can actually help me. Luckily, I still have my crutches, boot, and scooter from when I broke my leg two years ago so I can at least be mobile.

So, on Monday afternoon, I went to the ortho's office and saw the same doctor who fixed my leg a couple of years ago. It's no surprise that he remembered me. In fact, I think they all know me now. I was just there four weeks ago for the hand surgery. Ugh. Embarrassing. They did an x-ray to make sure there were no broken bones but, from what I was describing to them, they initially thought I ruptured my Achilles. X-rays came back fine so they started poking and prodding my right ankle/calf. They pressed my Achilles and my foot moved on its own so they determined that it wasn't an Achilles injury (thankfully, because that would have required surgery). However, it looks like I tore a calf muscle so they put a wedge in my boot and ordered me to stay off the ice for at least 6 weeks. Damn.

I'm just...I have no words right now. I spent the whole summer battling some kind of pain and now this. I finally had a really good lesson on Saturday and I did well at my competition the week before that. I was really starting to feel like I turned the corner on all this bad luck I've been having.

I went to the rink yesterday to tell my coach in person what the diagnosis was (but mostly I just wanted to be at the rink). It feels like home to me. I love the smell and I could watch people skate all day and never tire of it. All I wanted was to get on the ice with them and work on stuff. Sigh.

So, I may not update as frequently as I usually do because there really won't be anything to update about. I just have to sit around and wait for this to heal. It might be a nice little break and maybe I really do need to just sit around and not push myself for a while. I've made comebacks before, I'll make one again. As far as my new boots/blades go, I asked them to just keep them aside for me. I'll be back to get them but I can't fit my stupid foot in them now so I'll need to wait a couple of months in order to try them on and get blades mounted and such. That's another disappointment.

Moves Lesson

Today was my first lesson with Christopher since the competition and we got right to work on Silver Moves per my request. We didn't have time for all of them but we looked at the first three moves.

8 Step Mohawk - I've just been practicing this on the hockey circle and haven't yet done it in the full proper pattern so today we did just that and holy cow, it's so different! I didn't realize how big this thing actually is. I mean, it pretty much takes up most of the rink. Geez. So I did better going clockwise than the other way and there were a few missteps especially in regards to that outside mohawk. I'll keep practicing it in the full pattern slowly and work my way up to full speed. It will be a challenge to get all the steps even.

Forward and Backward Cross Strokes - Some corrections on this but it's still the best of all of the Silver moves. He wants me to emphasize the underpush going forward and watch that I get on an edge and not on the toepick going backwards. Later in my practice after the lesson I felt like I was getting a better hang of this.

FO-BI Three Turns - My LBI is still pretty weak and he pointed out that I'm rushing it in an attempt to just get it over with. Yes, that's a true statement! So we worked a bit on making sure I'm turning my torso and head along with the turn instead of forcing it.

Flip Jump - At the tail end of our lesson he wanted to see some jumps so I suggested the flip jump since that has been put on the back burner lately. We worked a bit on getting that pick in and draw so I'm not two-footing the takeoff. This needs so much more work.

Today was one of the better lessons I've had lately! I told him that next week I really want to work on the power pulls since I've been struggling so much with the forward ones. My new boots/blades should be arriving on Monday and on Saturday I'll go in to try them on and get the blades temporarily mounted. Good stuff!

Moves, Jumps, Boots, and Blades

I practiced this morning and it was productive. I worked on the usual things and then I revisited some elements that I've had to set aside in order to focus on competition/testing.

Movez - After my off-ice and on-ice warm ups I started working on Silver Moves. I didn't work on the alternating spirals because it was kind of a busy session and it's scary enough when the ice is practically empty. I spent a lot of time on the 3 turn patterns, though. I have all but 1 of the 4 backward 3 turns. I'm really struggling with the LBO turn. I make it around but I skid a bit and then immediately put my free foot down. I'll have Christopher take a look tomorrow during our lesson to see if he can fix me. Moving on, I worked a bit on the 8 step mohawk in both directions and just did them on a hockey circle. I'm not ready for the full pattern yet. Cross steps were okay so I only ran them a couple of times before moving on to the power pulls. I like that these are getting easier going backwards but I still can't do them well forwards. I wish I had training wheels for this move. It really feels like I'm too much on my heel and it's going to slip out from under me. Scary.

Spinz - I did all of them. Meh.

Jumpz - I realized that it's been a while since I did some flip jumps so I made sure those got worked on today. I did some flips by themselves and then some flip-toe combos. Speaking of combos, I did many today. Loop-toe was fine, toe loop-loop was better, and I even did some salchow-loops which were surprisingly not the worst thing ever. I would really like to get my flip comfortable enough that I can do it in combination with a loop jump. I think if I were able to replace the loop-toe loop from my compulsory moves with a flip-loop, that would be badass.

New Skatez - When I was at the competition this past weekend, the place that sharpens my skates was a vendor and I stopped by their stall to talk about options for new boots and blades. I've had these skates since 2005!!! I mean, it's not like I've been skating in them that long. I took 10 years off from skating so really I have a total of close to 3 years worth of skating in them. It's time to get something new. The blades have maybe one more sharpening left and the boots are broken down to the point that they are loose at the ankles (not safe). I know that, bladewise, I want to upgrade slightly from my Jackson Protege blade to the new Legacy 8. It's pretty similar in profile but it's lighter and has cross cut picks. But when I thought about choosing a new boot, I was originally thinking I wanted to stick with another pair of Riedell Silver Stars but Christopher and the skate vendor convinced me that Jackson is the way to go. I chose the Jackson Premiere Fusion (even though all of those lace hooks feel intimidating). It's a nice intermediate boot that seems appropriate for my level. Plus, I can't lie, it's a pretty boot! So she measured me for everything and ordered them for me and I'll go down to their shop in another week to see how they feel on my feet. The whole idea of getting completely new and different equipment is terrifying! I know there is a learning curve and some adjustments I'll have to make with my skating but I'm scared. I've really only ever been in my current boot/blade. I have no idea what to expect from all of this. It's exciting though! I think I'll feel safer too knowing that I'm not at risk for another injury.

Movin'

Today was the first practice in a long time where I had absolutely no pressure to work on stuff. I have no competitions coming up, I'm done testing for a while, and now I can just plug away at things and relax. I did jumps and spins toward the end of my practice and I ran my compulsory moves once but I mostly spent the hour working on Silver Moves.

Eight Step Mohawk - Since it's been a while, I just stuck to one of the hockey circles and did these slowly in both directions. Man, that outside mohawk is terrifying. It feels unnatural. Oddly, the CW side was more smooth and I was able to even out the steps enough to have a nice cadence going on. The CCW side, however, is very choppy and uneven. This will take some work. Once I get the steps solid and evened out a bit, I will do the full pattern out in center ice as it should be.

Forward & Backward Cross Strokes - This is the only move that I can do from beginning to end. I mean, it still needs work for it to look proper but I can at least get through the whole thing from start to finish. My backward cross strokes are feeling better but I know they aren't perfect yet. I've made progress in the sense that I'm at least stepping on to an edge rather than stepping back onto my toepick.

FO-BI 3 Turns - I did all of the 3 turn patterns on the blue line rather than down the length of the rink because I want to make sure I'm placing the turns at the top of each lobe and it's just easier to see that on a line. These were okay since I've been working on them all summer but it's still pretty evident which side is my strong side.

FI-BO 3 Turns - These were kind of a mess because I spent the summer only working on the FO-BI 3 turns because I needed the BI 3 turns for compulsory moves. So, really, today was the first time I've touched these since July and it showed. They were really sloppy especially on my bad side. I'm still struggling with the LBO turns. Sigh. I'll need to dedicate more time to these.

Consecutive Outside & Inside Spirals - I've been neglecting these as well. They felt very unstable.

Forward & Backward Power Pulls - Ugh, I hate these! Remember how much I hated the Forward Circle 8 when I first started working on it for Bronze Moves? It's just like that all over again. The backward pulls aren't so bad and I know they will get better the more I work on them but those forward power pulls seem impossible to me right now. But so did the Circle 8 and it ended up being the highest scored element on my Bronze test. I can only hope that I have the same outcome with these. I know bending my knees will help and I know that there is a certain rhythm you should have with the down-up-down movement but my body won't cooperate at all. Fingers crossed it gets better.

Overall, it was a productive practice and it was the most relaxed I've been on the ice in a long time. It was refreshing. When I was at the competition this past weekend, I told Christopher that I was thinking of not doing the Aspen Invitational in December and instead just competing at Sectionals in March. I think that would give me a nice break from the pressure I've been feeling lately. The summer just kind of burnt me out a bit. I had my Bronze Moves test in June, the Free Skate test in August, and then I was trying to train for CSI in September while also recovering from hand surgery. It was a lot to work on and work through and I'm looking forward to a couple of months of just practicing for fun :)

2019 CSI Recap - Free Skate

There were seven of us competing in the Free Skate and I was the third skater to perform. It's a good position to be in because I still felt warmed up but then I skated early enough so that I could watch the rest of my competitors perform and cheer them on. I know a lot of people don't like to skate so early in their group but I really do enjoy watching the others perform. It's so fun to see how well they do! So, while the skater before me was performing her routine, I was breathing and doing my grounding exercises. When I was called out to the ice, I was relaxed and ready to do the thing. I was confident knowing that all of my jumps, spins, and footwork went well during my four minute warm up. My mind was healthy. Pretty much I just felt like "whatever happens will happen and there is nothing you can do now but just go out there and skate your routine."

Results! I got 2nd! Silver Medal!!! It was a HUGE surprise! I remember telling my husband before they posted the results that I would be happy with 5th because I honestly felt like that's what I deserved. These other women (and one man) were excellent skaters with lovely routines. We all skated well!

The Main Event - You can see in the video that, even while I was getting into position, I was doing my breathing. It really helped! What didn't help, however, was that they started my music before I was finished setting up my starting pose. RUDE! But, I was relaxed and didn't let it freak me out. I just went with it! What else could I do, right? My opening combo was the toe loop-loop but I didn't land with my free leg in front so I wasn't in a good position for the loop. Split second decision had me completing the combo with the only thing I could fit in there, another toe loop. Again, I didn't let it rattle me but once I got off the ice I started fretting because you can only repeat a jump once and only in combo. I had one too many toe loops!!! I figured that would be a sizable deduction. Alas. Everything else went as planned, even my twizzle that wasn't working the day before had made an appearance. The stag jump that I was so worried about was less like a broke down mule and more like a cute little pony (not entirely a majestic stag but I'll take it!). Nothing fell and I ended on time with the music. I was so relieved that it was finally over! You can see that relief on my face at the end. I could breathe now! The sit spin was squatty but it was centered and I didn't fall out of it. It was an okay program that I felt deserved an okay placement. I would have been happy with anything but was not going to poo poo the silver medal that they awarded me :)

 

2019 CSI Recap - Compulsory Moves

The Colorado Springs Invitational was this past weekend and I survived! I actually did a lot better than I had anticipated given all of the crappy practices I've been having lately. So, I'll do two separate posts (one for the Compulsory Moves event and one for the Free Skate).

Not only have I been nervous for this competition because of my recent practices but also because this was my first time competing at a new higher level. When I was skating Pre-Bronze I felt like a big fish in a little pond and now that I'm Bronze I feel like a little fish in a big pond. I made the mistake of looking up some of my competitors online to see what I was up against and I got spooked. I was seeing lovely jumps and higher level spins that were actually centered and in a proper position. How can I keep up?! I decided going into this that my expectations were going to be low. My goal was to stay upright, don't embarrass myself (or my coach), and maybe do well enough to justify spending money on a professional video and not be ashamed to actually share it with people. I accomplished those goals!

So, the results! I finished first out of four! What!? Gold Medal! Woooo!

Warm-upz - During the warm up I was struggling with the sit spin. It was just a hot mess. I did it so many times and each time it got worse. I told Christopher that I just didn't feel comfortable putting it in at all (It reminded me of the movie The Cutting Edge when they got to the final competition and were all like "we're not doing the Pamchenko!"). I would rather do a one foot spin and have that look nice than do a sit spin that was wonky. I could tell he wasn't pleased but that's how I wanted it. I felt insanely guilty like I was giving up on it. I felt like a quitter. But, it's just that it's so inconsistent and it needs so much more work still. On top of it all, even when I do manage to get the rotations, it's barely a "sit", it's more like a squat. I'm going to keep working on it until it's better but I just didn't feel comfortable putting it in for this routine. Sigh. The good news was that my jumps were fine and the backward 3 turns got around just fine without a foot down. Even though I felt guilty for giving up on the sit spin, I was feeling confident about all the other things. It's a give and take.

The Main Event! I was last to skate in our group of four and as the skater before me was performing, I was doing the breathing exercises that Paul showed me. It was soon my turn and, as I took up my starting position, I took one last breath to ensure I was calm. Everything went as planned except for one thing. I did my first backward inside three turn (RBI) and then didn't set the next one up properly (which never happened in practice so I'm chalking it up to nerves) so I skipped the second one entirely (LBI). BUT!!!! I didn't let it bother me! The breathing helped and I was able to just move on to the next thing and not be mentally stuck in the spot where I made the mistake! The final spin was just a basic one-foot spin, not very impressive. But I think maybe had I done a terrible sit spin, that would have put me in second place given that I had already made a misstep in the routine with the LBI 3 turn. So, it was a good call on my part but I still feel bad about it. I honestly wasn't expecting much in terms of results so I was genuinely surprised to get first place. I had some really good competition. Those women were fiercely good!  Here's the video :)

Friday the 13th practice

Being Friday the 13th and all, I wasn't expecting much from today's final practice before the competition but, surprisingly, it wasn't terrible. I warmed up off ice and on ice as usual and started working on some things from my last lesson.

Warm-up Practicez - I moved over to where the entry door would be at the rink in Monument and "entered" the ice for my four minute warm up. Everything went well but I feel like I don't have enough time to fit everything in. Four minutes was up and I forgot to do jump combos. I'll make sure I get everything in tomorrow (plus Christopher will be at the boards to remind me if I forget stuff). My spins were really nice and I wanted to stop and admire the tracings on the ice but I was under a time crunch. Alas. So, I'm not going to fret about my choreographed warm up. It's just a plan so I don't forget but if I do happen to forget a thing it won't be the end of the world.

Trouble Spotz - I worked on trouble spots for both programs starting with the BI 3 turns from my compulsory moves routine. My turns are typically executed well when I remember to turn my head along with my torso so I need to make a mental effort to remind myself of that when I perform this, otherwise I'm looking in the opposite direction and the turn becomes forced. I did a few passes of these before running the whole thing. Moving on to the free skate program, my biggest trouble spot is that opening jump combo (toe loop-loop) so I did that several times to reinforce the feeling of getting it right. I feel like if I can land this combo right from the beginning, the rest of the program will go well. I worked a bit on the footwork sequence trying to get that a bit more smooth but was stumbling through the twizzle for some reason. It's never really been a problem before but today they felt erratic. Finally, I worked on the stag jump. During my lesson, Christopher pointed out that I've been replacing the stag jump with a half-flip. Yeah, I guess I have without even realizing it. Hrmm! If I perform a half-flip, that's actually a problem because then I have gone over the maximum of 4 allowable jumps. A stag jump won't count as a jump but the half-flip will and I guess that would be a deduction. Looking back at the video from sectionals, I totally replaced the stag with the half flip. Ooops! So I worked on the stag jump today and man it's uncomfortable. I'm more like a broke down mule than an elegant stag. It will have to do. I can't practice it anymore between now and tomorrow. What I have is what I have. The other option is to leave it out entirely but then that will mess with the timing of my music and there is just no time to be working on rearranging things the day before competition.

So, am I ready for tomorrow? Not really. But then I think if you ask any skater this question they would say the same. There is always something that needs work. I'm not as excited about this competition as I was last year but I'm not nervous either. I guess I'm more apathetic than anything and it has me questioning if I should be competing anymore after this (for a while, not forever). Or maybe it's just this program. I don't love it anymore. Sure, the music is fun and the choreography is lovely but I feel like I want to slow down and work more on presentation, edges, beautiful lines...something that a slower program might allow me to do. I told Christopher that after this weekend is over, I really want to spend more time on Silver Moves. I don't know what it is, but working on Moves really calms me. I think I need that back for a bit before I do another competition. Although Moves are difficult, there is a certain ease about them that I love, namely the fact that I'm not trying to fit things into a certain time frame or I need to keep up with the music. Perhaps that's why I'm struggling with my free skate program. It's just a race to keep up and how can I focus on technique if I'm always rushing to the next thing?

I'm not having my husband record my events tomorrow (he's on tossie duty anyway). I just want to go out there and skate and hopefully shine. If I do well, I can always buy the professional video. I'll post about how it all went after the weekend is over.

Don't let the lizards grind you down

*Warning: Long, possibly boring science stuff ahead. Also lizards.*

I met with the counselor on campus today and I was in there for about an hour and I feel like I really learned a lot of good techniques to get a better handle on my bad mind thoughts. What I really appreciated was that he explained the science behind it all. I'm an academic and you can't just tell me to do a thing. I need to understand the mechanics and the "why" of it all. It was very enlightening.

There are three evolutionary layers of the human brain: The reptilian brain is the oldest of the three and controls most of our basic functioning (breathing, heart beat, etc.). The mammalian brain is responsible for emotions, making basic decisions and behaviors, and recording memories. Finally the neocortex is what separates us from most other living beings. It allows for higher level thought processes, language, and development of complex skills.

When we are relaxed, we hang out in the neocortex and we are capable of thinking through situations calmly and logically. During this time, the primitive reptilian part of the brain is just there if we need it for emergency purposes. It's breathing for us and regulating our heartbeat but it isn't helping us make decisions (and we wouldn't want it to). However, when we experience situations that cause anxiety (like getting on the ice for a competition), the primitive part of our brain takes over and causes us to respond with fight or flight. Our heart rate increases and so does our breathing (which we will now do through our mouth instead of our nose). With all of this, our fine motor skills go completely out of the window and we may not be as precise with our movements as we would want. We are basically a dumb lizard. The jumps you have landed in practice might fall at competition because you are now at this heightened state of being and your muscles and reflexes aren't reacting in a way that you are used to. You are no longer capable of thinking through the parts of your program or listening to the music to express yourself appropriately. You are now simply trying to get through it and survive. Your reptile brain just does what it needs to get you out of that situation as quickly as possible. Quality is gone. Lizards are not the best ice skaters.

So, since this is such a bad outcome and will likely result in a messy program, your goal is to stay in the neocortex part of the brain where you are capable of being present and aware of the things around you. You are in "the zone" and can feel the music, adjust for mistakes logically, and fully express emotions while performing skills. Dumb lizards can't do this but humans can! However, you can't just tell yourself that you will stick to neocortex level thinking. You can't just think positively (although that helps). But, there are ways to trick the brain into thinking it's fine even though all of the negative thoughts hang over you like a cloud and lizards are banging at the door trying to force their way in.

Paul hooked me up to a biofeedback machine that measured my heart rate. It also had a color spectrum (green for normal and blue for relaxed) that gave me more of a visual for how my body was reacting to physical or emotional stimuli. I had a good heart rate and I was in the green. This is fine for everyday activities. He then showed me a breathing technique: breathe in through the nose for five seconds, release through the mouth for five seconds. Do this five times. My color spectrum was a beautiful shade of blue! My heart rate was also slower and more consistent. Best of all, I felt light like nothing could bother me! He explained that when we breathe in through our nose, we are stimulating the amygdala (which helps us process emotions) and because we are doing this slowly, our heart rate is relaxed and we retain logical thought ("my body is trained for this" "I know how to land this jump"). Since we are not tense, we don't lose our fine motor skills and we are better able to trust that our body knows what to do. So, if I do this breathing exercise right before I take the ice, I will stay in that neocortex part of my brain which is exactly where I want to be when I'm going through my program.

He also showed me a really nice grounding technique that acts like a shield against outside stress and he showed me how standing in a victory pose (basically you are the shape of an uppercase Y) for a few minutes will tell your body that you are successful. It seems silly but he says there are studies that show that it is effective.

So yeah, it was really helpful! Now that I know that there are actual things I can control that will get me out of my head, I feel a little more confident. I'm not so scared of myself. He says that if I practice this, like anything, it will become second nature so that when I find myself in anxiety inducing situations, I won't go right away into "lizard mode" but will instead go automatically into "calm breathing and logical thought mode."

Science is neat!

Final lesson before comp!

I may have over exerted myself practicing prior to my lesson because I was completely wiped out once Christopher got on the ice. Not so great when he wants me to run my programs and I have zero energy left to do them. Lesson learned.

We talked a bit about how my four minute warm up should go. It's always good to go in with a plan so my nerves don't get the better of me and force me forget anything. So, as soon as I get on warm-up ice I will do:

• Half lap of forward stroking with nice extensions. 
• Half lap of backward power stroking
• Three waltz jumps in a row (zamboni side)
• Salchow (scoreboard side)
• Loop jump (zamboni side)
• Toe loop (scoreboard side)
• Sit spin
• Attitude spin
• Footwork sequence from Free Skate program
• Spiral
• Jump combos

That should easily take up four minutes. When I was practicing this with Christopher, I took up three minutes just with the first three elements so he really wants me to pack as much into four minutes as I can. Skate with speed and purpose, hold those landings, and make sure each element flows into the next. 

I told Christopher that I'm meeting with one of the professional counselors at my college campus to help me with all of the overthinking, negative self talk, and anxiety I've been experiencing with my skating the past couple of months. I've been getting in my head a lot and it's affecting my performance on the ice. For example, when I fell on that first jump combo during my Bronze Free Skate Test, I mentally stayed in that spot where I fell for the rest of the program and because I was thinking about that fall, I didn't have the focus and concentration I needed to do well on any of the other important elements in my program. I want to be able to push those kinds of things out of my mind when they happen so I can still perform well. I can always worry about those things after I'm done. I meet with the counselor on Thursday and I'll write about it here on Friday. I'm really hoping he gives me some techniques to overcome those heavy thoughts. 

Feelin' Good

Today was good day! I got the stitches removed and I had a good skate. In fact, this is my 4th practice in a row that I have skated well so I think I'm on a good path now. Finally!

Warm-upz - I ran 2 laps, walked 1, then did some dynamic stretching until it was time to go downstairs and lace up. On the ice, I did my typical warm up including several passes of BI 3 turns on both sides. I'm proud to say that I've made a lot of progress with these. The RBI 3 turns are consistently good and now my LBI 3 turns have finally caught up. I didn't have a single foot down on any of them today! Once CSI is over, I'll start working on the BO 3 turns again. It's been a while. I also did a couple laps of the forward and backward cross strokes from Silver Moves. These are feeling more natural. The backward cross strokes used to feel steppy but I think I'm finding my groove with these now. I jumped a bit and did some spinning before moving on to my programs.

Compulsoriez - I ran through my compulsory routine a couple of times reminding myself to keep the speed going because I would be disappointed in myself if I did a nice routine but then got deductions for going over the time limit. The BI 3 turns were okay and a tried my best to hold and extend on those exit edges and to not rush through the whole thing. Jumps were nice and the sit spin at the end was centered (albeit still squatty).

Free Skatez - I didn't run it with the music but I did run the whole thing and it went well. I was still struggling with the final attitude spin (I'm not sure why this one element has completely abandoned me but if I struggle with it at the competition, I'll just turn it into a scratch spin). I worked on spins a bit to make sure I'm holding those entry edges and getting things centered. I had some really good spins today!

I had a chance to look at the schedule for the competition and to see who my fellow competitors are and I'm pleased to see some familiar names. There are only 4 of us competing in the Bronze Compulsory Moves event but there are 7 of us registered for Bronze Free Skate! That's exciting! It's never fun to compete alone. I'm excited to see my skating friends next week and to cheer them on as they skate their programs. This is what I love about skating: it is such a supportive community and competitions are so fun and not at all stuffy. We all cheer for each other and genuinely want our competitors to do well. We all feed off of that positive energy and come home feeling like a winner regardless of our results. So nice!

So yeah, overall, it was a pretty good practice and I'm feeling more and more confident going into this competition next weekend. I'm just going to keep on keepin' on and feeling good about overcoming whatever the hell was going on with my skating these past couple of months. I'm finally feeling like a badass again :)

How Mandi got her Groove Back

I haven't posted about the past couple practice sessions because they were unremarkable except for the fact that I'm skating better and not falling as much. I think the switch to dynamic stretching during my off-ice warm-ups was a good call! I had a lesson today (the first one since I hurt my hand) and it was actually a good lesson! I didn't feel like such a disappointment afterwards so that's nice! Progress!

Lessonz - We started by looking at my program jumps in isolation. Somehow in the last month or two, I started cheating my toe loops again, especially in combination. We worked on those a bit before running my Bronze Compulsory Moves routine back-to-back. The first run through went well but I was 6 seconds over the time limit of 1:30. He told me to do the whole thing again and speed things up a bit (I put the video below). I was able to shave a lot of time off of the whole thing and it came out to 1:25! Better! I have a tendency to rush the BI 3 turns so he reminded me to extend and hold those positions. Watching the video it really does look like I'm just rushing through it just to get it over with. The sit spin is still not low enough (at this point I'm just accepting that the hardware in my leg will prevent it from ever being more than a "squat spin") but at least it was centered and I got the end pivot done in such a way that I'm facing the judges at the end (I had my back to the judges at the end of the first run through...oops).

We ran my free skate program and that was okay too. There were no falls and I ended on time with the music. I struggled with the attitude spin at the end and turned it into a basic one-foot spin. Christopher worked with me on spins for a bit and reminded me to do them from a standstill down the blue (a torturous but effective exercise).

I think this was my first good lesson in a long time. I really hope I fixed the problem and the dynamic stretching does the trick. I have a week and a half until CSI so let's hope I can keep the ball rolling.

Surviving!

Today was my first time back on the ice in nearly two weeks and I survived! On Tuesday morning I had my little hand surgery and last night I took the bandages off to assess things and see if my hand is strong enough to be able to tie my skates. Everything looked okay and I think as long as I keep band aids on (especially over the stitches) I'll have enough mobility to grip, pull, and tie my laces. After I was re-bandaged, I grabbed my skate bag and put my skates on. I wasn't able to pull my laces as tightly as I usually do but I was able to tie them tight enough that my ankle felt stable in the boot so I made the executive decision to officially get back on the ice.

Off Ice Warm-upz - While I was off the ice, I had a lot of time to think about things and one of the things I discovered is that the way I'm stretching off ice is having a detrimental effect on my skating and may just be the source of all of my falls lately. I did some research and fitness authorities emphatically say that static stretching actually reduces performance (here's just one of the articles I found but there are more out there)! So I started thinking about this more and realized that my poor performance on the ice directly coincided with the start of my whole running and stretching routine that I've been doing! The running is fine but then I should be doing a series of dynamic stretches and save the static stretches for after my practice. So, that's what I did today and I actually had a really good practice despite my hand being sore. I ran two laps, walked a bit to cool down, did some dynamic stretching, and then some floor jumps. I don't know if it was because I've been off the ice for two weeks and had some time to rest or if it was because of this new warm-up routine but I skated well today and didn't have any falls! I'm going to keep this experiment going to see if it sticks. The more you know!

Practicez - Once I was properly warmed up off the ice, I laced up my skates (carefully) and got on the ice to do my on ice warm-up of laps, edges, circle 8, and backward 3 turns. Hell, even my backward 3 turns felt good today! Nice. After warming up and jumping for a bit, I moved right on to working on my compulsory moves routine while spending extra time on the section with the backwards 3 turns and the new jump combo (loop-toe loop). Things look okay here but I need to speed the whole routine up a bit. I feel like I'm maybe over the 1:30 time limit. Next, I worked on sections of my free skate program but was struggling a lot with the salchow-loop combo so I reverted back to the toe loop-loop combo. I'll talk to Christopher about keeping the original jump combo in there. I just feel like with only two weeks left until CSI, it's not a good time to fussing with new jump combos. On the plus side, my salchows are looking a smidge better. During our last lesson Christopher pointed out that the reason why my salchows are so spinny is because I'm rushing the 3 turn entry. If I hold the entry of the 3 turn longer that forces everything to slow down.

It felt really good to be back on the ice. I'm still nervous about the competition coming up because I really don't feel ready for it but I'm just going to keep working on things. Maybe I'll surprise myself :)

New hand, who dis?

Obviously I survived the surgery! It was a short procedure and was over before I even knew what happened. When the nurses brought me into the back to get me prepped for surgery, they asked me if I was a patient there before because I looked familiar. They actually remembered me from two years ago when I got my leg/ankle surgery done! I don't know if I should be impressed that their memory is so good or sad that I'm such a frequent visitor to this place that I'm actually remembered. Sigh.

I was more nervous for this tiny surgery than I was for my leg surgery and I asked them to please give me something for the anxiety. They gave me some "vein champagne" just before wheeling me in to the OR. As they wheeled my stretcher into the OR, I thought to myself that whatever they gave me wasn't working because I was still very much aware of things. Then I said that I liked their hats (lolz) and that was the last thing I remember before waking up.

As sore as things are right now, the pain pales in comparison to what I've been feeling this past week. They gave me a prescription for pain killers but I told them I wouldn't fill it. I get really sick when I take that kind of stuff so I'm planning on managing my pain with Motrin, reading, and kitty cuddles.

The surgeon told my husband that he was able to remove the pins without complications. The middle finger was easier to do than my index finger where they had to make a small incision and go digging for it. My fingers are bandaged up for now and I was told not to unwrap them for 72 hours. However, I need to get on the ice for Friday. Thursday evening, I'm going to unwrap myself, evaluate things, and see if I can manage lacing up my skates. I'm really nervous about how much ice time I've missed with this competition coming up.

I also thought I could get away with not telling Christopher about this whole ordeal (mostly because I've been falling so much lately and I don't want him to think of me as a liability). But he texted me late last night saying he was planning on doing a lesson with me this morning so I had to come out with the truth and tell him everything.

So yeah, the thing is done and I'm still alive and I feel MUCH better. Hopefully everything looks good enough to get back on the ice for Friday :)

The hand I've been dealt

I skated last Tuesday and my goal was to take a week off to rest and skate again this week on Wednesday since that's the start of our fall contract. However, I have the worst luck known to man and my week of rest has turned into a week of misery. That fall that I took last week, the one I wrote about in my previous post, left me very sore. Mostly, it was my knees that hurt so that's why I wanted to rest my body for a week. While I was so focused on my knees blooming into quite impressive bruises, I failed to notice how badly I hurt my left hand.

On Friday morning, I was getting dressed for work when the most intense pain I've experienced in a while shot up my left index finger and up my arm. It was so bad that it brought me to my knees (my sore sore knees). I went to the orthopedist's walk-in clinic later that day and they took x-rays and hypothesized what was causing it but because the ortho who focuses on hands wasn't there, they asked me to come back to talk to him, which I did this morning.

From a previous injury years ago, I had a surgery to fuse the knuckle joints in my index and middle fingers of my left hand. To hold those joints together, they inserted tiny metal pins which were to be removed a couple of months after the original surgery. However, when they told me how they were going to remove them (cut me open and pull them out with pliers while I'm still awake) I freaked out and never went back. So I've been living with these metal pins in my fingers for 17 years and it's never been a problem. But this fall I took last week was so hard that it moved the pin in my index finger out of the bone and now it's trying to work its way out of my finger pointy end first. Basically, I'm being stabbed from the inside. Not the best feeling. In fact, my broken leg pain from two years ago pales in comparison to the finger pin pain that I'm feeling now.

So I saw the hand guy this morning and he wants to remove the pins. I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning but it's a short procedure that should only take about 30 minutes and they will give me some stuff to knock me out. Just a couple of stitches in each finger and then I'm on my way. I don't think my hand will feel good enough to get on the ice on Wednesday as planned but I contracted for Fridays as well so I think I might be fine later in the week. Mostly, I can't tie my skates otherwise I would try to soldier through and skate anyway but I need my hands for laces. Sigh.

So yeah, my one week of rest turned into this. Figures. I'm stressing out a bit because my first competition of the season is in less than 3 weeks and I really need to be working on my programs but instead, here I sit with a bandaged up hand. On the plus side, my knees don't hurt anymore :)

Can you spare some change?

Lesson today on drop-in ice and I got there extra early to run laps, stretch, and do some floor jumping before getting laced up. I was determined to take it easy today since I had some pretty rough falls on Friday. That plan went to shit.

Warm-upz - I had just finished my on-ice warm up and was working on some Silver Moves (forward cross strokes to be precise) when an upper level skater was headed backwards in my general area setting up for a lutz jump. I know she didn't see me so it was up to me to get out of her way and so I did so as quickly as I could. In my panic, I tripped on my toe pick and landed hard on both knees, both elbows, and my right hip. I went down so hard that it knocked the wind out of me. A couple of skaters, including the girl who ultimately had to abandon her lutz anyway as to not run into my flailing body, stopped what they were doing to make sure I was okay. So, yeah, not only did I hurt myself physically, but my pride was hurt from the embarrassment of it all. I told everyone that I was okay and got up as quickly as I could so as not to make a bigger scene than I was already creating but I realized soon enough that my left knee was in a lot of pain. The first waltz jump I did sent a very sharp pain all the way up my spine and so I did another one just to be sure that the pain was real (and also because I'm a masochist). Yup, the pain was so very real. Not to the point where I thought anything was broken but enough to realize that I probably hurt something. The pain lessened a bit as the minutes passed but it was still there when Christopher got on the ice for our lesson.

Lessonz - I didn't tell Christopher about the fall because, honestly, I've been falling a lot lately in our lessons and the last thing I want to do is tell him that I'm still not able to stay upright. So I tried my best to act like nothing happened and just tried to power through. If I thought I was really injured, I would have said something but I was just sore (mentally and physically) so I didn't think it was worth mentioning. We talked a bit about how the test went and I told him how disappointed I was that I didn't skate as clean of a program as I could have. He tried his best to focus on the good by saying "You got through it." I mean, yeah, I did...but barely. So I brought up a concern I had with my compulsory moves regarding the flip-toe combo. It's really sloppy and I told him that I would rather do a lower level jump combo and do it well than do a combo that is worth more points but perform it poorly. He agreed and we discussed alternatives and, in the process, discussed alternatives to the opening combo in my free skate as well. So, we made some changes! For the free skate, I'll be replacing the toe loop-loop combo with a salchow-loop since I've been having some technique issues with the toe loop. For the compulsory moves, we took out the flip-toe combo and replaced it with a loop-toe loop combo. I promised him I would still keep working on the flip-toe but this will take some of the pressure off. He also worked with me on a better ending to the compulsory moves since it was never really discussed in the process of choreographing the thing. Up until today, I just assumed I would just do the same ending that I have in my free skate but, to avoid redundancy, he changed it up to something a little more unique. So, when I exit out of my sit spin, I will pick in for a sort of back pivot and end with pretty arms.

So, changes have been made that will make things a bit easier for me but I'll keep working on the more challenging elements so I am still being pushed toward progress. Hopefully, I will skate a little more safely now. I'm also going to take some time to rest. I have really been pushing myself beyond what I think I'm physically capable of and I think that might be the source of all of these falls. I skated today and was planning on another session or two during the week but I'm going to sit the rest of this week out and let my body heal a bit. I'll come back next Wednesday refreshed and ready to get back to work.

Officially Bronzed

*Warning! Long post ahead!*

Test day! As you can guess from the title of this post, I passed. It wasn't the feel good kind of pass that I wanted but a pass is a pass. I'll take it. I'm just really glad it's over and I can focus on improving my skills without the pressure of a test looming over me.

Test Prepz - From past testing experience I know that I really cannot drink coffee before my test because caffeine and adrenaline is a disastrous combination. So, no coffee was had and I got to the rink with plenty of time before my practice session so I could do some walking and stretching and mental preparation. I also remembered something I read not too long ago that said eating a banana 30 minutes before a performance reduces anxiety so I brought two bananas with me; one to eat right before practice ice and one to eat when I'm done with practice so it would kick in in time for the test.

Practicez - My drop-in session on freestyle ice went well. I started with laps and edges and then ran through jumps and spins before putting the sash on and running the program. When I did run the program it went very well. All of my jumps were landed, my spins spun, and I ended on time with the music. This was just the confidence boost I needed! I decided not to push my luck so I just did laps for the remaining 10 minutes or so of my session. I was relaxed until...I fell! I fell on something so stupid! I was just stepping forward from some backward power stroking and my blade slipped out from underneath. It was a hard fall (as most unexpected falls are) and it rattled me. Any confidence I had was gone in an instant. Damn.

Testz - I'll give my rundown of the test followed by the judges comments in italics. Ugh, ok...so my worst fear happened. I botched the opening jump combo and that had a domino effect on the rest of the program. I pretty much bookended my program with suck. I fell on the opening combo and I fell on the final spin (which...what? Why? I never fall on that spin!). The one thing I was worried about with this program was the quality of my sit spin and, although it wasn't low enough (for reasons), it at least had the required revolutions. When I was finished I skated back to Christopher and basically shrugged and said "whoops." I just didn't have an excuse for any of that. It was bad. As expected, the judges asked me to reskate the toe loop-loop combo and an upright spin which I did just fine. So I passed, but it was gross and I'm not entirely pleased. There is video of this whole ordeal but I'm not going to post it to my YouTube channel because I'm not about to make that disaster publicly viewable. I tried to attach the videos here separately but blogger won't let me because the files are too large. It's for the best. It wasn't my best moment. *EDIT* Here's the link to the video if you want a good laugh. 

Judgez Commentz - 

• Karen - Total score = +1. Upright spin good control and centered. Great posture. Nice extension. Work on getting down into the sit position more. 
• Pamela - Total score = +1. Salchow didn't get off ice. Sit spin didn't get very low. Elements complete after reskate. 
• LeeAnn - Total score = 0. Nice upright spin. Weak jumps. 

Parting Thoughtz - Okay, so the whole banana trick is bogus. I wasn't relaxed at all! I could eat 12 bunches of bananas before I skate for a test and I'll still be anxious! I also tried meditating and visualizing my program before I got on the ice and that didn't really help either. So, relaxing doesn't help but neither does getting excited. I need to find some nice middle ground. When Christopher and I were sitting together on the bench waiting for the verdict from the judges, he pointed out that I definitely seem to do better at competitions. I know why! It's not that I'm any more or less relaxed. It's that the atmosphere is completely different! I'm excited to skate for my friends. I'm performing for the judges and the audience. I'm surrounded by a cheering crowd. I have a group of other skaters who are in the same boat. It's just...different. Test days are so quiet and serious and everyone is anxious. My skating is a direct reflection of the vibes around me. Sadly, there's just no way to get more exposure to testing other than to test which doesn't happen with the same frequency as competitions. So, my plan of action now is to start serious preparations for CSI next month and the other competitions I'm planning for this season. I plan on staying in Bronze for a while (maybe 2-3 years). I'm in no rush to test again. I'm glad I passed but I'm even more thankful that it's over! Onward!

Time to shine!

I had my last official practice this morning before tomorrow's test and I finally got my times! I'll be on the ice for my warm-up at 9:13am and then my test is at 9:25am. It looks like I'll have time to drop in on a freestyle session before my test so I'll skate on the 8:00-9:00am freestyle to work on some last minute things and try to get those crappy programs out of my system before I skate for the judges.

Warm-upz - I got to the rink earlier than usual to warm up. It was nice, actually, because I was able to really take my time with stretching and even do some ballet warm-ups. I ran, I walked, I stretched, I pliéd, I Rond de Jambe'd, and I did some floor jumps. If I didn't hate waking up so much, I would do this all the time! Once I was properly warmed up off the ice, I got my skates on to get warmed up on the ice. I did the typical laps, edges, circle 8, and BI 3 turns.

Jumpz & Spinz - Things are looking good here. Well, I should clarify: they are looking as good as they can. There is really nothing I can do at this point to fix anything on a major scale. I just have to hope for the best. Toe loop-loop combo was pretty good with the leg crossed in front. I only had one fall working on these. When I remember to do the push behind after I land the combo, it has really nice flow going into the backward crossovers and spiral. Salchow, toe loop, and loop jumps all look passable. I worked on spins a bit trying to get a more consistent sit spin and I had a couple that felt controlled. Attitude spins were okay.

Programz - I really wanted to run my program but there was no ice monitor so I had nobody to press play for me. Since my opening combo is right at the beginning, I didn't think I would have enough time to press play and get out on the ice in time to perform it. So, I ran through my program in its entirety without the music and I did okay. The sit spin was icky so I allowed myself a reskate on that once I was finished. I feel like this is how it's going to be for the test. My sit spin is just...not good. I am expecting a reskate from the judges. I hate that the hardware in my ankle is causing so many problems for me on this one element. It doesn't effect much of anything else with my skating but I simply don't have the mobility in my left ankle to make this spin happen. I really wish this was something I could explain to the judges before my test but, alas.

So, that's it. Tomorrow's the day. My expectations are low but I'm going to go out there and try my best. That's all I can do, right? I think it helped calm me down a bit looking at the judges sheet for this test. The elements (jumps, spins, footwork) only count for 1/3 of the score. The other 2/3 is split between how well I perform the program and how well I execute all of the in-between skating skills like turns and edges. If I remember the bigger picture instead of honing in on just the elements, it takes some of the pressure off. Ultimately, I should just go out there and have fun and skate to the best of my abilities. If I get a "retry" then I work to improve some things and then I try again. There is no pressure :)

Final Test Prep

This morning was my final lesson with Christopher before the test on Friday. Things are getting real!

Program Run Thru #1 - It felt sloppy to me and I felt like I was gasping for air about halfway through (stupid old lady lungs!). No falls and I ended on time with the music but it was meh. He had me reskate the sit spin and it was better on the reskate.

Spot Checking - We worked a bit on the toe loop which is either really cheated or I'm over compensating for the cheat by picking in too far in back of me. I need to find a nice middle ground with this. I asked him to also look at my toe loop-loop combo because I feel like I made some improvements on this. Turns out progress happened and it looks nice. I finally have my leg crossed in front for the loop!

Program Run Thru #2 - Better this time! He said the footwork had more flow so yay! I also took my time on the sit spin and was able to do one that was "passing." He didn't ask me to reskate anything but did have me skate an endurance lap right after to build up stamina.

Since I don't have the schedule for Friday yet and I don't know what time I'll be testing, I'm not sure if I can squeeze in a practice the morning of the test. Hopefully, I can skate the first session of the day and run my program a couple of times before I skate the test. It always seems like my first run through is garbage but then any that I do after that are better so it would be nice to get those crappy programs out of my system early and then skate a nice program for the judges. I still have my Thursday practice but I'm worried about getting a proper warm up the day of.

Reset, Relax, & Refocus

I said I would step away from this blog to give myself some space but I guess I'm a liar because here I am again writing in this damn thing. But! I did try this whole new thing called relaxing and that has helped. On the way to the rink this morning, instead of blasting upbeat music in the car in a desperate attempt to wake myself up, I played some peaceful piano music. I mean, yeah, I almost fell asleep at the wheel but my skating was better. Priorities.

After my typical off-ice and on-ice warm ups I started right away with backward 3 turns. I actually think they are just part of my warm up now. These are getting better. The RBI turns are nice most of the time and the LBI turns are slowly catching up. My goal today was to get at least one run through of my compulsory moves with clean BI 3 turns (no foot down).  More on that later.

Jumpz & Spinz - I ran through all of the jumps I'm doing in both programs and the toe loop-loop combo from my free skate feels a lot better. The flip-toe combo from my compulsories, not so much. I really need Christopher to work with me again on the flip part of it. I feel like I'm two-footing the takeoff. I did some attitude spins to try to get a better position with my free leg and I think I made some progress so yay. I also worked on sit spins a bit to try to improve those as well. I had one really nice one but the rest were the usual meh.

Free Skate Programz - Once I felt I was properly warmed up I got the sash on and ran the program. All went well (even the sit spin) but there was a little girl in my way during my spiral who wouldn't move so I had to abort and then my salchow was rushed as I tried to get back into the music. Footwork was nice and comfortable and I still ended on time. No falls. I'm looking forward to when I can do this program for the test without a bunch of little girls on the ice. I wanted to run it a second time later in the session but the ice monitor stepped away and I had nobody to run my music for me. Sigh.

Compulsoriez - I ran this a few times because I had to abort certain elements as people got in the way. I also ran it (or tried to) on the opposite half of the ice so I could get a feel for if I start at a different end for the competition. I think Bronze Compulsory Moves are held at the opposite end from the Pre-Bronze and they are run at the same time. I just want to be ready for either scenario. I had a couple of run throughs where my BI 3 turns went smoothly and I didn't put a foot down. The LBI was still unsteady but at least I did it on one foot! Progress! I also remembered what Christopher said during our lesson on Tuesday about holding an extended pose after each BI 3 turn. I had a tendency to rush all 5 of the 3 turns in this section (yeah, you read that right, five!). Coming out of the salchow landing, I do an LFO turn (hold), RBI turn (extend and hold), RFO (hold), LBI (hold and extend), and finally another LFO turn. It's really hard to not lose momentum here. After the 5th 3 turn I feel like I'm practically at a stand still. But, I have another month to polish things up here and get them up to speed.

The next two weeks are drop-ins only so I have to stop by the rink tomorrow and buy a punch card and then a week from tomorrow I'm testing Bronze Free Skate. What?! How is the summer over so quickly?