Surviving!

Today was my first time back on the ice in nearly two weeks and I survived! On Tuesday morning I had my little hand surgery and last night I took the bandages off to assess things and see if my hand is strong enough to be able to tie my skates. Everything looked okay and I think as long as I keep band aids on (especially over the stitches) I'll have enough mobility to grip, pull, and tie my laces. After I was re-bandaged, I grabbed my skate bag and put my skates on. I wasn't able to pull my laces as tightly as I usually do but I was able to tie them tight enough that my ankle felt stable in the boot so I made the executive decision to officially get back on the ice.

Off Ice Warm-upz - While I was off the ice, I had a lot of time to think about things and one of the things I discovered is that the way I'm stretching off ice is having a detrimental effect on my skating and may just be the source of all of my falls lately. I did some research and fitness authorities emphatically say that static stretching actually reduces performance (here's just one of the articles I found but there are more out there)! So I started thinking about this more and realized that my poor performance on the ice directly coincided with the start of my whole running and stretching routine that I've been doing! The running is fine but then I should be doing a series of dynamic stretches and save the static stretches for after my practice. So, that's what I did today and I actually had a really good practice despite my hand being sore. I ran two laps, walked a bit to cool down, did some dynamic stretching, and then some floor jumps. I don't know if it was because I've been off the ice for two weeks and had some time to rest or if it was because of this new warm-up routine but I skated well today and didn't have any falls! I'm going to keep this experiment going to see if it sticks. The more you know!

Practicez - Once I was properly warmed up off the ice, I laced up my skates (carefully) and got on the ice to do my on ice warm-up of laps, edges, circle 8, and backward 3 turns. Hell, even my backward 3 turns felt good today! Nice. After warming up and jumping for a bit, I moved right on to working on my compulsory moves routine while spending extra time on the section with the backwards 3 turns and the new jump combo (loop-toe loop). Things look okay here but I need to speed the whole routine up a bit. I feel like I'm maybe over the 1:30 time limit. Next, I worked on sections of my free skate program but was struggling a lot with the salchow-loop combo so I reverted back to the toe loop-loop combo. I'll talk to Christopher about keeping the original jump combo in there. I just feel like with only two weeks left until CSI, it's not a good time to fussing with new jump combos. On the plus side, my salchows are looking a smidge better. During our last lesson Christopher pointed out that the reason why my salchows are so spinny is because I'm rushing the 3 turn entry. If I hold the entry of the 3 turn longer that forces everything to slow down.

It felt really good to be back on the ice. I'm still nervous about the competition coming up because I really don't feel ready for it but I'm just going to keep working on things. Maybe I'll surprise myself :)

New hand, who dis?

Obviously I survived the surgery! It was a short procedure and was over before I even knew what happened. When the nurses brought me into the back to get me prepped for surgery, they asked me if I was a patient there before because I looked familiar. They actually remembered me from two years ago when I got my leg/ankle surgery done! I don't know if I should be impressed that their memory is so good or sad that I'm such a frequent visitor to this place that I'm actually remembered. Sigh.

I was more nervous for this tiny surgery than I was for my leg surgery and I asked them to please give me something for the anxiety. They gave me some "vein champagne" just before wheeling me in to the OR. As they wheeled my stretcher into the OR, I thought to myself that whatever they gave me wasn't working because I was still very much aware of things. Then I said that I liked their hats (lolz) and that was the last thing I remember before waking up.

As sore as things are right now, the pain pales in comparison to what I've been feeling this past week. They gave me a prescription for pain killers but I told them I wouldn't fill it. I get really sick when I take that kind of stuff so I'm planning on managing my pain with Motrin, reading, and kitty cuddles.

The surgeon told my husband that he was able to remove the pins without complications. The middle finger was easier to do than my index finger where they had to make a small incision and go digging for it. My fingers are bandaged up for now and I was told not to unwrap them for 72 hours. However, I need to get on the ice for Friday. Thursday evening, I'm going to unwrap myself, evaluate things, and see if I can manage lacing up my skates. I'm really nervous about how much ice time I've missed with this competition coming up.

I also thought I could get away with not telling Christopher about this whole ordeal (mostly because I've been falling so much lately and I don't want him to think of me as a liability). But he texted me late last night saying he was planning on doing a lesson with me this morning so I had to come out with the truth and tell him everything.

So yeah, the thing is done and I'm still alive and I feel MUCH better. Hopefully everything looks good enough to get back on the ice for Friday :)

The hand I've been dealt

I skated last Tuesday and my goal was to take a week off to rest and skate again this week on Wednesday since that's the start of our fall contract. However, I have the worst luck known to man and my week of rest has turned into a week of misery. That fall that I took last week, the one I wrote about in my previous post, left me very sore. Mostly, it was my knees that hurt so that's why I wanted to rest my body for a week. While I was so focused on my knees blooming into quite impressive bruises, I failed to notice how badly I hurt my left hand.

On Friday morning, I was getting dressed for work when the most intense pain I've experienced in a while shot up my left index finger and up my arm. It was so bad that it brought me to my knees (my sore sore knees). I went to the orthopedist's walk-in clinic later that day and they took x-rays and hypothesized what was causing it but because the ortho who focuses on hands wasn't there, they asked me to come back to talk to him, which I did this morning.

From a previous injury years ago, I had a surgery to fuse the knuckle joints in my index and middle fingers of my left hand. To hold those joints together, they inserted tiny metal pins which were to be removed a couple of months after the original surgery. However, when they told me how they were going to remove them (cut me open and pull them out with pliers while I'm still awake) I freaked out and never went back. So I've been living with these metal pins in my fingers for 17 years and it's never been a problem. But this fall I took last week was so hard that it moved the pin in my index finger out of the bone and now it's trying to work its way out of my finger pointy end first. Basically, I'm being stabbed from the inside. Not the best feeling. In fact, my broken leg pain from two years ago pales in comparison to the finger pin pain that I'm feeling now.

So I saw the hand guy this morning and he wants to remove the pins. I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning but it's a short procedure that should only take about 30 minutes and they will give me some stuff to knock me out. Just a couple of stitches in each finger and then I'm on my way. I don't think my hand will feel good enough to get on the ice on Wednesday as planned but I contracted for Fridays as well so I think I might be fine later in the week. Mostly, I can't tie my skates otherwise I would try to soldier through and skate anyway but I need my hands for laces. Sigh.

So yeah, my one week of rest turned into this. Figures. I'm stressing out a bit because my first competition of the season is in less than 3 weeks and I really need to be working on my programs but instead, here I sit with a bandaged up hand. On the plus side, my knees don't hurt anymore :)

Can you spare some change?

Lesson today on drop-in ice and I got there extra early to run laps, stretch, and do some floor jumping before getting laced up. I was determined to take it easy today since I had some pretty rough falls on Friday. That plan went to shit.

Warm-upz - I had just finished my on-ice warm up and was working on some Silver Moves (forward cross strokes to be precise) when an upper level skater was headed backwards in my general area setting up for a lutz jump. I know she didn't see me so it was up to me to get out of her way and so I did so as quickly as I could. In my panic, I tripped on my toe pick and landed hard on both knees, both elbows, and my right hip. I went down so hard that it knocked the wind out of me. A couple of skaters, including the girl who ultimately had to abandon her lutz anyway as to not run into my flailing body, stopped what they were doing to make sure I was okay. So, yeah, not only did I hurt myself physically, but my pride was hurt from the embarrassment of it all. I told everyone that I was okay and got up as quickly as I could so as not to make a bigger scene than I was already creating but I realized soon enough that my left knee was in a lot of pain. The first waltz jump I did sent a very sharp pain all the way up my spine and so I did another one just to be sure that the pain was real (and also because I'm a masochist). Yup, the pain was so very real. Not to the point where I thought anything was broken but enough to realize that I probably hurt something. The pain lessened a bit as the minutes passed but it was still there when Christopher got on the ice for our lesson.

Lessonz - I didn't tell Christopher about the fall because, honestly, I've been falling a lot lately in our lessons and the last thing I want to do is tell him that I'm still not able to stay upright. So I tried my best to act like nothing happened and just tried to power through. If I thought I was really injured, I would have said something but I was just sore (mentally and physically) so I didn't think it was worth mentioning. We talked a bit about how the test went and I told him how disappointed I was that I didn't skate as clean of a program as I could have. He tried his best to focus on the good by saying "You got through it." I mean, yeah, I did...but barely. So I brought up a concern I had with my compulsory moves regarding the flip-toe combo. It's really sloppy and I told him that I would rather do a lower level jump combo and do it well than do a combo that is worth more points but perform it poorly. He agreed and we discussed alternatives and, in the process, discussed alternatives to the opening combo in my free skate as well. So, we made some changes! For the free skate, I'll be replacing the toe loop-loop combo with a salchow-loop since I've been having some technique issues with the toe loop. For the compulsory moves, we took out the flip-toe combo and replaced it with a loop-toe loop combo. I promised him I would still keep working on the flip-toe but this will take some of the pressure off. He also worked with me on a better ending to the compulsory moves since it was never really discussed in the process of choreographing the thing. Up until today, I just assumed I would just do the same ending that I have in my free skate but, to avoid redundancy, he changed it up to something a little more unique. So, when I exit out of my sit spin, I will pick in for a sort of back pivot and end with pretty arms.

So, changes have been made that will make things a bit easier for me but I'll keep working on the more challenging elements so I am still being pushed toward progress. Hopefully, I will skate a little more safely now. I'm also going to take some time to rest. I have really been pushing myself beyond what I think I'm physically capable of and I think that might be the source of all of these falls. I skated today and was planning on another session or two during the week but I'm going to sit the rest of this week out and let my body heal a bit. I'll come back next Wednesday refreshed and ready to get back to work.

Officially Bronzed

*Warning! Long post ahead!*

Test day! As you can guess from the title of this post, I passed. It wasn't the feel good kind of pass that I wanted but a pass is a pass. I'll take it. I'm just really glad it's over and I can focus on improving my skills without the pressure of a test looming over me.

Test Prepz - From past testing experience I know that I really cannot drink coffee before my test because caffeine and adrenaline is a disastrous combination. So, no coffee was had and I got to the rink with plenty of time before my practice session so I could do some walking and stretching and mental preparation. I also remembered something I read not too long ago that said eating a banana 30 minutes before a performance reduces anxiety so I brought two bananas with me; one to eat right before practice ice and one to eat when I'm done with practice so it would kick in in time for the test.

Practicez - My drop-in session on freestyle ice went well. I started with laps and edges and then ran through jumps and spins before putting the sash on and running the program. When I did run the program it went very well. All of my jumps were landed, my spins spun, and I ended on time with the music. This was just the confidence boost I needed! I decided not to push my luck so I just did laps for the remaining 10 minutes or so of my session. I was relaxed until...I fell! I fell on something so stupid! I was just stepping forward from some backward power stroking and my blade slipped out from underneath. It was a hard fall (as most unexpected falls are) and it rattled me. Any confidence I had was gone in an instant. Damn.

Testz - I'll give my rundown of the test followed by the judges comments in italics. Ugh, ok...so my worst fear happened. I botched the opening jump combo and that had a domino effect on the rest of the program. I pretty much bookended my program with suck. I fell on the opening combo and I fell on the final spin (which...what? Why? I never fall on that spin!). The one thing I was worried about with this program was the quality of my sit spin and, although it wasn't low enough (for reasons), it at least had the required revolutions. When I was finished I skated back to Christopher and basically shrugged and said "whoops." I just didn't have an excuse for any of that. It was bad. As expected, the judges asked me to reskate the toe loop-loop combo and an upright spin which I did just fine. So I passed, but it was gross and I'm not entirely pleased. There is video of this whole ordeal but I'm not going to post it to my YouTube channel because I'm not about to make that disaster publicly viewable. I tried to attach the videos here separately but blogger won't let me because the files are too large. It's for the best. It wasn't my best moment. *EDIT* Here's the link to the video if you want a good laugh. 

Judgez Commentz - 

• Karen - Total score = +1. Upright spin good control and centered. Great posture. Nice extension. Work on getting down into the sit position more. 
• Pamela - Total score = +1. Salchow didn't get off ice. Sit spin didn't get very low. Elements complete after reskate. 
• LeeAnn - Total score = 0. Nice upright spin. Weak jumps. 

Parting Thoughtz - Okay, so the whole banana trick is bogus. I wasn't relaxed at all! I could eat 12 bunches of bananas before I skate for a test and I'll still be anxious! I also tried meditating and visualizing my program before I got on the ice and that didn't really help either. So, relaxing doesn't help but neither does getting excited. I need to find some nice middle ground. When Christopher and I were sitting together on the bench waiting for the verdict from the judges, he pointed out that I definitely seem to do better at competitions. I know why! It's not that I'm any more or less relaxed. It's that the atmosphere is completely different! I'm excited to skate for my friends. I'm performing for the judges and the audience. I'm surrounded by a cheering crowd. I have a group of other skaters who are in the same boat. It's just...different. Test days are so quiet and serious and everyone is anxious. My skating is a direct reflection of the vibes around me. Sadly, there's just no way to get more exposure to testing other than to test which doesn't happen with the same frequency as competitions. So, my plan of action now is to start serious preparations for CSI next month and the other competitions I'm planning for this season. I plan on staying in Bronze for a while (maybe 2-3 years). I'm in no rush to test again. I'm glad I passed but I'm even more thankful that it's over! Onward!

Time to shine!

I had my last official practice this morning before tomorrow's test and I finally got my times! I'll be on the ice for my warm-up at 9:13am and then my test is at 9:25am. It looks like I'll have time to drop in on a freestyle session before my test so I'll skate on the 8:00-9:00am freestyle to work on some last minute things and try to get those crappy programs out of my system before I skate for the judges.

Warm-upz - I got to the rink earlier than usual to warm up. It was nice, actually, because I was able to really take my time with stretching and even do some ballet warm-ups. I ran, I walked, I stretched, I pliéd, I Rond de Jambe'd, and I did some floor jumps. If I didn't hate waking up so much, I would do this all the time! Once I was properly warmed up off the ice, I got my skates on to get warmed up on the ice. I did the typical laps, edges, circle 8, and BI 3 turns.

Jumpz & Spinz - Things are looking good here. Well, I should clarify: they are looking as good as they can. There is really nothing I can do at this point to fix anything on a major scale. I just have to hope for the best. Toe loop-loop combo was pretty good with the leg crossed in front. I only had one fall working on these. When I remember to do the push behind after I land the combo, it has really nice flow going into the backward crossovers and spiral. Salchow, toe loop, and loop jumps all look passable. I worked on spins a bit trying to get a more consistent sit spin and I had a couple that felt controlled. Attitude spins were okay.

Programz - I really wanted to run my program but there was no ice monitor so I had nobody to press play for me. Since my opening combo is right at the beginning, I didn't think I would have enough time to press play and get out on the ice in time to perform it. So, I ran through my program in its entirety without the music and I did okay. The sit spin was icky so I allowed myself a reskate on that once I was finished. I feel like this is how it's going to be for the test. My sit spin is just...not good. I am expecting a reskate from the judges. I hate that the hardware in my ankle is causing so many problems for me on this one element. It doesn't effect much of anything else with my skating but I simply don't have the mobility in my left ankle to make this spin happen. I really wish this was something I could explain to the judges before my test but, alas.

So, that's it. Tomorrow's the day. My expectations are low but I'm going to go out there and try my best. That's all I can do, right? I think it helped calm me down a bit looking at the judges sheet for this test. The elements (jumps, spins, footwork) only count for 1/3 of the score. The other 2/3 is split between how well I perform the program and how well I execute all of the in-between skating skills like turns and edges. If I remember the bigger picture instead of honing in on just the elements, it takes some of the pressure off. Ultimately, I should just go out there and have fun and skate to the best of my abilities. If I get a "retry" then I work to improve some things and then I try again. There is no pressure :)

Final Test Prep

This morning was my final lesson with Christopher before the test on Friday. Things are getting real!

Program Run Thru #1 - It felt sloppy to me and I felt like I was gasping for air about halfway through (stupid old lady lungs!). No falls and I ended on time with the music but it was meh. He had me reskate the sit spin and it was better on the reskate.

Spot Checking - We worked a bit on the toe loop which is either really cheated or I'm over compensating for the cheat by picking in too far in back of me. I need to find a nice middle ground with this. I asked him to also look at my toe loop-loop combo because I feel like I made some improvements on this. Turns out progress happened and it looks nice. I finally have my leg crossed in front for the loop!

Program Run Thru #2 - Better this time! He said the footwork had more flow so yay! I also took my time on the sit spin and was able to do one that was "passing." He didn't ask me to reskate anything but did have me skate an endurance lap right after to build up stamina.

Since I don't have the schedule for Friday yet and I don't know what time I'll be testing, I'm not sure if I can squeeze in a practice the morning of the test. Hopefully, I can skate the first session of the day and run my program a couple of times before I skate the test. It always seems like my first run through is garbage but then any that I do after that are better so it would be nice to get those crappy programs out of my system early and then skate a nice program for the judges. I still have my Thursday practice but I'm worried about getting a proper warm up the day of.

Reset, Relax, & Refocus

I said I would step away from this blog to give myself some space but I guess I'm a liar because here I am again writing in this damn thing. But! I did try this whole new thing called relaxing and that has helped. On the way to the rink this morning, instead of blasting upbeat music in the car in a desperate attempt to wake myself up, I played some peaceful piano music. I mean, yeah, I almost fell asleep at the wheel but my skating was better. Priorities.

After my typical off-ice and on-ice warm ups I started right away with backward 3 turns. I actually think they are just part of my warm up now. These are getting better. The RBI turns are nice most of the time and the LBI turns are slowly catching up. My goal today was to get at least one run through of my compulsory moves with clean BI 3 turns (no foot down).  More on that later.

Jumpz & Spinz - I ran through all of the jumps I'm doing in both programs and the toe loop-loop combo from my free skate feels a lot better. The flip-toe combo from my compulsories, not so much. I really need Christopher to work with me again on the flip part of it. I feel like I'm two-footing the takeoff. I did some attitude spins to try to get a better position with my free leg and I think I made some progress so yay. I also worked on sit spins a bit to try to improve those as well. I had one really nice one but the rest were the usual meh.

Free Skate Programz - Once I felt I was properly warmed up I got the sash on and ran the program. All went well (even the sit spin) but there was a little girl in my way during my spiral who wouldn't move so I had to abort and then my salchow was rushed as I tried to get back into the music. Footwork was nice and comfortable and I still ended on time. No falls. I'm looking forward to when I can do this program for the test without a bunch of little girls on the ice. I wanted to run it a second time later in the session but the ice monitor stepped away and I had nobody to run my music for me. Sigh.

Compulsoriez - I ran this a few times because I had to abort certain elements as people got in the way. I also ran it (or tried to) on the opposite half of the ice so I could get a feel for if I start at a different end for the competition. I think Bronze Compulsory Moves are held at the opposite end from the Pre-Bronze and they are run at the same time. I just want to be ready for either scenario. I had a couple of run throughs where my BI 3 turns went smoothly and I didn't put a foot down. The LBI was still unsteady but at least I did it on one foot! Progress! I also remembered what Christopher said during our lesson on Tuesday about holding an extended pose after each BI 3 turn. I had a tendency to rush all 5 of the 3 turns in this section (yeah, you read that right, five!). Coming out of the salchow landing, I do an LFO turn (hold), RBI turn (extend and hold), RFO (hold), LBI (hold and extend), and finally another LFO turn. It's really hard to not lose momentum here. After the 5th 3 turn I feel like I'm practically at a stand still. But, I have another month to polish things up here and get them up to speed.

The next two weeks are drop-ins only so I have to stop by the rink tomorrow and buy a punch card and then a week from tomorrow I'm testing Bronze Free Skate. What?! How is the summer over so quickly?

Stepping away

I debated even writing a blog post this morning since my lesson today was so bad but part of the reason I have this blog to begin with is to record not only my achievements but also my struggles. I've been so much in my head lately this past month that I've just been really inconsistent with my practices. I'll have practices like the one I had on Sunday where mostly everything went well and then I have days like today where nothing seems to go right at all. The more I struggle, the more my skills deteriorate. It's incredibly frustrating because I'm doing everything I can on-ice and off-ice to improve. I'm using my practices wisely and working hard on the ice, I started ballet to improve my core and help me be more musical, I'm running, I'm stretching, I'm reminding myself to stay positive, I'm studying, I'm picking things apart, I'm slowing things down, I'm speeding them up, I'm running my program off the ice and on the ice any chance I can get. So why...WHY am I getting worse and not better???

Today before my lesson I had a good warm up and then then decided to run the program. I fell twice! Once on the sit spin and one more time on the twizzle. Both hurt more than they should. I worked a bit more on the sit spin before Christopher got on the ice for our lesson to try whatever I could to get it to work so he would have something to work with here. But no matter how I tried to hold the entrance, fix my arms, get lower, center...nothing worked. They just deteriorated more.

Lessonz - We started with compulsory moves. The back 3 turns were not placed were they should be, I replaced the flip-toe combo with a single toe loop, and the sit spin was a disaster. We spent some time working on the sit spin and he gave me every correction he could think of but they just are not happening. I was making such good progress on them about two months ago and then the progress just started going in reverse! How is that even possible? We moved on to the free skate and I put on the sash and just prayed to the figure skating gods to just let me have one victory today. It went ok. There were moments that felt good like the footwork but then there were moments that were just gross, especially the spins. I mean, the only good thing was that I stayed upright for the most part. He could totally sense my frustration and he really did try to pep talk me back to a better head space but I'm just so far deep in the suck right now that I'm not entirely confident that I'll be able to recover in time for the test. We ended the lesson with working on the toe loop a bit and then I got off the ice to lick my mental wounds.

What am I doing wrong here? This is the hardest I've trained since I started skating and the more I do, the worse I get. Should I be backing off a bit? Is this a purely mental thing? You know, with the whole ballet thing, I'm being challenged because, although it's a "beginner" class, I'm the only beginner. So I work hard during the week watching videos and practicing so that when I come back to the studio next time I'm better. Yesterday evening when I was at class, things started to actually click! Progress was obvious! So yeah, I'm just really frustrated that my hard work and efforts pay off in the studio but not on the ice.

I think I probably just need a day off. I've been working 7 days a week non-stop for I don't know how long and then I went ahead and added ballet to an already packed schedule full of on-ice lessons and practices. My body hurts every day and then I mentally beat myself up when things don't go right. I think I'll just kind of step away from this blog for a week or so until my test is over. Although it's therapeutic to keep records of my practices, failing on the ice and then writing about my fails probably doesn't help.

Ruh ROH

I got the day off from work today so I decided to drop in on a freestyle session at the Sport Stable. I never expect much from the quality of their ice but today the ice was pretty well maintained with the exception of one rough patch over by one of the hockey creases. Yesterday, I sent my husband to the sharpener (because I was at work) and told him to tell the sharpener that I would like my usual 7/16 ROH. However, the sharpener told my husband I really should be on a 3/8 ROH and so that's what he gave me. I was freaking out a bit because I'm not used to 3/8 and I have a test next week but as soon as I got on the ice I could feel the difference and it actually felt a bit better than what I'm used to. It's a bit grippier and much more stable so the sharpener was right! I should be getting 3/8 ROH from now on. I also have about 1 or 2 sharpenings left on these blades before they die so I need to make a decision soon on what to get next. I'm thinking of the new Jackson Legacy 8 since it's pretty similar to my Protegés but about 10% lighter according to the Jackson website (plus, I must admit they also look pretty snazzy). I'll wait until after the Colorado Springs Invitational so I'm not trying to compete with brand new blades. I think my boots could last another year so I'm not going to panic about those right now. I'll probably just end up getting another pair of Silver Stars since my current Silver Stars have served me well. If it ain't broke, don't fix it kinda thing.

Practice went well. I warmed up and then worked on edges a bit before focusing my efforts on backward 3 turns. My RBI 3 is really consistent now and the LBI has improved slightly so things are moving along. Once those were warmed up and I jumped around for a bit, I ran my new bronze compulsory moves routine a few times. This is getting better and I'm able to skate it with a bit more speed now but I'm still getting stuck on the back 3s as they just don't have as much flow as the rest of the routine. I think my anxiety about this part of the program is obvious and it shows when I skate it. I need to work on it more so that I'm skating it with confidence.

I was also able to run my program once. All of the elements got done and I ended on time with the music but I started my spiral a bit early and had a bit of a misstep coming out of it and going into the salchow. Not a big deal but it's something I need to clean up a bit. My sit spin got the rotations but it's still not nearly low enough. Sigh.

I still have 4 more practices before I skate my test for the judges (more than 4 if I can manage to drop in on a session or two and maybe fit in one more Sunday practice at the Stable). I'm not as worried as I was last week but I still have plenty of work to do to get this polished up enough for a pass.

Jump Theory, Jump Practice

I dropped in on a Friday morning session and it was lovely! A lot of the regulars weren't there (these are a few of the really little girls who lack situational awareness and always make me nervous). So, it was just myself and 4 other skaters and everyone was courteous and watched out for the people around them. It was refreshing!

After my off-ice and on-ice warm-ups, I started working hard on my free skate elements, particularly the toe loop-loop combo. I'm really excited for my sharpening tomorrow because these just feel downright dangerous to do on dull blades. I got through it, though, and there were even a couple that felt pretty good. The other element I'm really struggling with is the sit spin so I spent some time with that trying to get back the feel of it like I had a couple of months ago. Thirty minutes had passed and I felt like I was ready to run the program.

First Run Throughz - Ugh. That is pretty much all I can say about this. I flubbed the opening jump combo and it was all downhill from there. I missed almost all of my musical cues, the spins were crap and hardly a jump got landed. It was a straight disaster. I don't think I have skated that poorly in a long time. It was embarrassing. The music ended and I shamefully returned my sash. I spent the next 20 minutes working on elements in isolation and in larger chunks. I think missing that first jump combo was the catalyst for all of the suck. It had a domino effect on the rest of the program. Knowing this, I worked extra hard on that toe loop-loop combo to get it more consistent. Maybe it will have the opposite effect if I nail the opening combo. Maybe if I do that well, everything else will fall into place.

Second Run Throughz - My theory was correct! I landed the opening combo and the rest of the program was really nice (even the sit spin!). I felt in touch with the music and I hit every single element right where they were supposed to be! If I had skated this for the test, I think I would get a "pass."

So, now I know! I need to focus on that opening combo so I start my program off strong. That will give me the confidence I need to power through the rest. I did some more toe loop-loop combos before ending the session. I just wanted to leave on a high note so I told myself I wouldn't get off the ice until I landed one combo that was solid and had the free leg crossed. I finally got a really nice one so I left the session, proud of my accomplishments.

Yeah, I was proud of myself today! Lately, I've been really working hard on the ice, to the point where I'm sweaty after each session. I'm determined to do well on this test and work on my weakest elements the most so that they are strong enough to get me through the test. Speaking of the test, I registered for it yesterday afternoon so it's totally happening! Two weeks from today, I'll skate my heart out and show the judges the result of all of my hard work :)