Struggles

Lesson today and we worked on all of my struggles. 

Power Pullz - The forward pulls have definitely progressed even if they are not exactly where I want them yet. But, considering the left pulls were non-existent at the beginning of the year, I'm happy that they are happening and they are more pull and less swerve. I complained to Christopher that, although I'm trying for deep edges, I rarely hear them rip. He brought back an older exercise where you do two deep edges on the same foot on the same lobe. We both heard some rips! So, it can be done. I just need a little more oomph. The backward pulls were good but can be a little more twisty in my torso. I'm a little too proper with the posture. Overall, these have been improving since I've made them part of my warm-ups. I'm glad I started doing that because these were garbage before. 

LBO 3 Turn of Doomz - Yeah, back to this. Still not happening. I asked him how he's not sick of working with me on this after a year and a half and he said that he sees me improving in other areas so he knows I can do this eventually. He'll just keep going until I get it. Best coach! 

Flipz - These have always been technically sloppy but they have become more so in the past couple of weeks. He strapped me into the pole harness and I had a couple that felt better but they are still pretty gross. The fear is gone and I'm landing them but the take-off is so.very.bad. 

Axelz - We didn't do any because we ran out of time but he said that we will do some on the track harness next week when we are in the red rink (it's the only rink out of the three we have that has a track harness). In the meantime, I'm still working on the on-ice and off-ice Axel preps. Why do I feel like I'll get my Axel before I get a proper flip? Sigh. 

Derping the Dutch Waltz

Lesson today and we started with a discussion about testing and how there is a possibility that, for the next 6 months or so, testing might be done virtually. My reaction: "Ew." I'm not a fan of this format but I also really want to get my Preliminary dances tested so I can focus more on the Pre-Bronze tests. Mostly, I worry about the logistics of it all. Like, is my rink going to reserve a sheet of ice (we have three!) so that we can record our tests without having to worry about the little skaters getting in the way? Most people are pretty aware of who is running programs but some of the really small beginner skaters don't quite have the whole situational awareness thing down pat yet. I'm always having to look out for them. It would be nice to skate my test without the distraction of having to look out for people. You know, like how tests are supposed to be. I guess if I want to test, virtual may be my only option. Sigh. 

Dutch Waltz - We started our lesson by running through all three Preliminary dances in order. I don't know what happened but I got to the end pattern of the DW and...forgot the steps! Not once but twice! Super embarrassing! We ran it a third time and it was good but damn. What the hell. I think this is part of the problem of having 6 ice dance patterns swimming around in my head. They sometimes blend together or get forgotten entirely. This is all the more reason to test my Prelim dances soon and just be done with them. 

Canasta Tango - This was good! He just wants me to aim the intro steps more toward the lutz corner. I was cutting them short. 

Rhythm Blues - His first attempt at recording us didn't go through so we ran it again. It didn't record much because he literally just propped up his iPad on the boards so it only recorded the part where we do the swing roll into the lilt. But it looked good. My leg could be straighter on the swing roll but he said the lilt was actually quite nice. Woot! The cross behind steps felt nice. 

Swing - We spent a lot of time on this and when we have our lesson on Wednesday, I'm going to insist we work on it some more. The steps themselves are fine but the partnering is what's tricky for me with the whole moving apart from waltz hold and coming back into waltz hold on the end patterns. I also have a tendency to not get close enough to him while in waltz hold. This, by far, is the most awkward partnering out of all of the dances. I have anxiety about people touching me or being too close to me and this really pushes my limits. I'm okay getting close to my husband but I don't usually come face-to-face with other people too often so yeah. Every time we run this, he tells me to get closer. Every time we run this I have issues getting back into waltz hold after we separate. I think just running it more will desensitize me to the awkwardness of it all. I'm the awkwardness of it all, lol. Otherwise, it seems as though my timing is good and I'm getting the steps right so it's really not all the bad. Still needs a ton of work, though.

We didn't have time for the Fiesta or the Cha Cha so maybe we'll look at those next time. I also asked him about learning/testing/competing a Free Dance. The Rule Book was pretty confusing. It looks like if I compete with a Free Dance at the Adult level, I would start at Bronze but I'm not sure if that means I need to test the first six dances to be eligible to compete at Bronze. But then the Rule Book also indicates that to test a Free Dance, you start at Juvenile (which has the same required elements as the Adult Bronze Competition Free Dance). So he said he would look at it and try to make some sense out of it for me.

2021 Goal Post

 I do this every year and it's typically really nice to look back at the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year and see how far I've come and what I have achieved. Alas, 2020 was kind of a shit year so some things got done, some things never improved at all, and some unexpected things happened. For reference, here are the goals I set for myself for 2020. 

2020 Wrap Up - I had 3 on ice goals to achieve. My on ice goals included me getting my Silver Moves "test ready" so that I could test them in 2021, getting a proper backspin with the leg crossed with the added bonus of challenging myself to put a change-foot spin in one of my programs, and finally, I had the goal of competing. Depending on how you look at things, I achieved all three goals! My Silver Moves have improved this past year (even if I still don't have my LBO 3 turn, ugh). Are they "test ready"? Not quite. But they are better and I think if I give myself another year, they might just be good to go. The backspin is still flamingo'd but it is more comfortable. I did initially have a change-foot spin in my original choreography for my "Fix You" program but we ended up taking it out. However, I did a change-foot spin anyway during Fright Fest when I botched my camel combo and entered a backspin to complete the revolutions. It wasn't planned but it was neat that my body was able to do one following a mistake and under pressure. And my goal of competing this year was achieved twice, once at CSI in September and again at Fright Fest in October. I won gold at both :) 

I had 3 off ice goals to achieve as well. Goal 1 was to run an uninterrupted mile and I was making some headway with that in my off ice warmups until the rinks shut down and my rink running stopped. When the rink opened back up again, they were pretty clear that they didn't want us warming up inside anymore. I lost all my running progress so this ended up being a failed goal. Goal 2 was to track my fitness better. I got a FitBit and I have been faithfully wearing it since I got it in January. It's been really neat to see the data reflecting how hard I work on the ice. Finally, the third goal was to get back to ballet. When the rinks shut down, Christopher offered his students online classes that included off-ice jumps and spins, stretching, and ballet. I ended up going to his ballet classes every week and they were great! I actually learned more from him than I did when I was attending in-person ballet classes. However, when the rinks opened again, online ballet stopped. Because I didn't want to lose any progress with how strong my core was getting, I started taking Pilates classes! I love them and they are a great no-impact way of maintaining core strength and balance without the pressure of being in a class full of prima ballerinas. Goal achieved! So yeah, 2020 was hella weird but I was still able to achieve all but one of my goals. 

Goals for 2021

I honestly don't know what 2021 will look like. I know that even though we have a vaccine, things won't just go back to normal. In fact, the USFSA has already postponed registration for Sectionals and we don't know if it will be virtual, delayed, or cancelled all together. So, I'm setting modest goals this time. 

Goal 1 - Get that damn LBO 3 turn! It's getting so close and I know I'll be able to do it soon. It's the only thing holding me back from taking Silver Moves. 

Goal 2 - Continue learning ice dance and hopefully test the first 6 pattern dances by the end of 2021 (of course, this all depends on test session availability). Maybe learn a free dance and take my Juvenile Free Dance Test too. 

Goal 3 - Take more risks. I'm super anxious all the time about a lot of things relating to skating (flip jumps, backspins, partnering, etc). I want to just stop all that and skate. I'm the only thing holding me back and it's stupid. Learning ice dance these past couple of months has shown me that I have the ability to learn new things and actually be decent at them as long as I take the risk and do the thing. No more balking because of fear. Fear stays behind in 2020!

So next week we will be in 2021 and I'm really hoping that the world around me starts improving. At least I don't think things could get any worse, could they?

Picking Me Apart

Lessons happened

Preliminary Dancez - We ran through all three Preliminary Dances with the music to make sure they are still being worked on. Everything is still there. Christopher still gave me some corrections though. The progressive right before the cross behind steps in the Rhythm Blues could be a little cleaner (I have a bit of a toe push for some reason when it really should be more of an understroke). It's like the cross behinds got better but in anticipation of those, I got sloppy on the progressive. I told him it's because there is still panic about the cross behinds. He said it doesn't look panicky so there is no reason to panic. Easier said than done. Moving on to the Canasta Tango, he would like me to make the lobes deeper so he doesn't have to guide me as much. Dutch Waltz was fine.

Fiesta Tangoz - Per my request, we looked at the Fiesta. This is the only one of the Pre-Bronze Dances that really doesn't feel comfortable yet even though I've made progress with the final step forward on the end pattern. I'm not at the point where I can do this with music and we are pretty far away from the point of partnering this but I have been able to improve it a bit. He made some corrections that were really helpful. I was trying to imitate the skater in the USFSA Dance App and as a result, my first two outside edges looked hella weird and felt awkward. He corrected those and they feel so much better now. He also made a bit of an adjustment to the way I start the dance. I should push off onto my right leg and add a crossover into the first steps. Moving on, I had a bit of a flamingo leg on the cross behind slide chasse step and my placement of it was really outside of the pattern so he gave me some tips to fix that. The change-edge swing roll was also looking pretty rough. This was an easy fix, just bend your skating leg on the inside edge. Finally, the final step forward should be aimed toward the long end of the rink, not the short end. This way it is easier to start the pattern over. So yeah, he picked this whole dance apart and I'm so thankful that he can see all of these little details. This dance is tricky but it's getting there. 

Sit Spinz - We haven't worked on these in so very long but, now that I'm feeling better from the fall I had a few weeks ago, I'm willing to fall on my ass again without worrying about pain. So, I requested that we revisit the forward sit spin. With the Pilates and extra stretching I've been doing, my bad ankle has a bit more dorsiflexion in it and I'm able to hold the sit a bit better (and slightly lower). So we did many of these. 

LBO 3 Turn of Doomz - I'm still working on it. It still hasn't happened yet. I'm determined to not let it defeat me. I had one turn that kinda made it around and I almost freaked out with excitement when it happened but I didn't get the forward glide out so it doesn't count. I see glimmers of progress with this so I just need to make time for it each time I skate and I'm sure it will get there.

Pizzaz!

 Per my request, Christopher and I ran through all of the Preliminary Dances partnered with the music. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there will be another test session in January and I was worried that with an increased focus on Pre-Bronze Dances, I was losing some of my Preliminary Dance technique. I just want to keep them test ready in case they announce a test session soon. 

Dutch Waltz - This was pretty good. I need to make the end lobes a bit curvier so I don't run out of room with the end pattern. This has always been a problem for me. Because this dance is so simple, I tend to make things bigger than they need to be and I end up running out of room. Make the lobes deeper and there is no problem. He says this is still test ready so why not add some pizzaz! Nothing fancy, just some different arms and stuff with the intro. 

Canasta Tango - His criticisms were the same as they were several weeks ago. It's good, just make the movements a bit more sharp so that you get that full Tango flavor. Pizzaz happened. 

Rhythm Blues - Surprise! He actually said that this is better than the last time he has seen it! I think it's because I have become more comfortable with those stupid cross behind steps. More pizzaz here too. 

Cha Cha - Since we looked at the Swing dance last lesson, we worked on the Cha Cha today. Again, I need to make my lobes and edges a bit deeper and have a more pronounced wide step but this dance is coming along. 

I worked on Swing and Fiesta on my own to keep them under my feet. I also worked on spins, jumps, and moves. I had some really good CCW Backward Power 3 Turns that were proper (no foot down). I was able to get 3 in a row most times. Sadly, because my LBO 3 turn is still non-existent, I was not able to do the same on the other side but I did work on the turn itself. Or, at least I attempted to. Still no progress. I didn't do any flip jumps today because I'm feeling like the more I do them, the worse they are getting in terms of technique. I just want to give them a break. This is probably not a good idea especially since the quality of my jumps overall has diminished since I have started working more on dance. Ugh, why can't I just have it all, lol. 

Getting Closer

 I'm putting the entire week's worth of skating in one post because this is my blog and I can do what I want :P I skated Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and there really isn't too much to report back on but here goes: 

Flip Jumpz - it's a never ending project. Christopher tried to get me to calm down as I'm still forcing things. He told me to think of it as if it were Ice Dance since I guess I'm doing pretty well there. That initial 3 turn should be calm and smooth without any panic or stress just as if I were doing a 3 turn in dance. After the turn, keep the picking leg really close to the ice and don't pre-rotate. I mean, I tried. I really tried. I've been working on this damn jump for over three years and it's still not technically correct. Ugh. 

Swing Dancez - We worked a bit on the partnering aspect of this since, to me anyway, it feels like a completely different dance once you add an extra body in the mix. What I'm really struggling with is getting back into waltz hold after the end pattern. I feel like I'm too far away when I go from forward to backward so I end up reaching for him. He said it's the responsibility of the person now skating forward to get back into hold with the person skating backward. That means sometimes it will be my slow ass trying to get back to him. The steps themselves are fine and although this dance still needs some time to cook, I think it's getting there. 

Fiesta Tangoz - I worked on this dance a lot on my own since I'm really struggling with the end pattern, specifically in the last couple of steps where my feet are crossed and then I have to step forward. I was able to manage it without a foot down a couple of times so I know progress is being made. I also just really need to speed this up. It's a pretty quick dance. I haven't tried it with music yet. It's the only dance out of the six that I haven't done to music. It's just not there yet. Sigh.

Backward 3 Turnz - I got to skate with one of my Unicorn Tribe sisters and she was gracious enough to spend some time with me working on the LBO 3 turn that I'm still struggling with. She gave me some good insights so now I just need to practice some more to see if it sticks with me. 

Dance Anxietiez - I was talking with a couple of ice dancers (Unicorn Tribe Sister and one of Christopher's other ice dance students) about how much anxiety I have about partnering and how scared I am of taking my partner out and possibly hurting him. They assured me that ice dance coaches know how to fall and they deal with this stuff all the time. It's not a big deal apparently. I felt much better when one of them admitted that she has taken Christopher down a few times now and it's fine. It will eventually happen but don't anxiety about it. It's part of Ice Dance just as much as falling on a jump is part of learning freestyle. Christopher has assured me he's not scared of me so I should really believe him and have a bit more confidence. Partnering, to me, is the most difficult aspect of Ice Dance so far.

Fiesta My Tango

Lesson today! I was feeling some sads today since it would have been Test Day for me had it not been canceled. But at least I still got to skate today and I'm super thankful that the rink is open at all since rinks nationwide are starting to close again. There is always a bright side. 

Cha Cha - Since that is what I was working on when it was my turn for a lesson, that's what we started with. First, he wanted to see me skate the pattern on my own without the music. I did well except for the times I had to break out of the pattern to avoid other skaters. Seeing that I knew the steps, we partnered it without the music. He had a couple of corrections. One was to step wider on the Inside Chasse (which is particularly scary because I'm afraid of stepping too wide onto his foot). He would also like for me to make the end pattern curvier. I was doing the whole thing in an arc but it should curve in toward the center when I do the cross behind steps and then out toward the end boards for the inside swing roll. I'm pretty surprised with my ability to do the cross behind steps. I struggled with them initially when I was learning them in the Rhythm Blues but now I know I have to flex my foot so it's flat when I put it down. That makes every cross behind so much easier to execute and virtually eliminates the fear since I won't trip on my toe pick. Woot! Since I did well with the partnering, he wanted to run it partnered with music. We actually did well! I was slightly behind the beat on the end pattern because I'm still not entirely comfortable with it but it's pretty good! Yay! We Cha Cha'd!

Fiesta Tango - I knew it was coming so I studied the steps on my own before he taught it to me so I wouldn't be so lost. I know the steps but wow the partnering is difficult on this! We are supposed to change hold positions twice in the pattern and there's mohawks and other steps and I'm really afraid I'm going to kill him. Why is he not afraid of me? He...should be. I'm a hazard. So yeah, there is a lot of work to be done with this, specifically with the end pattern because that is where all the danger is. The dance is fun up until that point and then it's instant anxiety. 

But hey! I now know the first SIX dances and can skate at least four of them pretty well. I think in January (if there's a test session) I would like to test all three Preliminary Dances and possibly the Cha Cha and Swing if they are up to snuff. I have a feeling Fiesta Tango will take a while so I'm in no rush there. Ugh, I did not expect to like Ice Dance this much. Who am I even?