Two Halves, One Whole

 I skated at Apex this morning and it was just alright. Nothing spectacular. 

Moves - I worked on everything except the one thing I really should be working on, the 8 Step. But, I promise to do double tomorrow at the Y where I have a little more room. What felt really good today were the Power Pulls. When I actually do what my coach says and cross my free leg in front for the forward pulls, things look and feel really nice. I did a few passes of just the forward pulls to lock in the muscle memory. I worked a bit on the backward cross strokes as well. Christopher would really like to see my feet get closer together on the stroke so I worked on keeping my feet neat. Oh, I guess I didn't work on spirals either but that's my best move so I suppose it's okay to skip it. 

The 27 Program Challenge (10/27) - I did it twice but I only skated the beginning half of one and the end half of the other. So I'm counting it as just one run through. This was not intentional. I just royally messed up the first run through to the point that I knew I wouldn't be able to catch up. It started well enough but I ended my first spin facing the wrong way and I took a couple of backward crossovers to get into the step sequence. Huge mistake because those 2 seconds I took with those crossovers put me so far behind that I started thinking of what to cut to get back on track. So instead, I just stopped after the step sequence so I could run the whole thing again. I should have just kept going but I was just so damn frustrated that I got myself so off track over a couple of crossovers. I think if this were to happen again, it would be better to step forward into a quick 3 turn to face the right way. That would have taken less time. So, I waited for my music to loop back around to the beginning and I started again. This time, however, I royally messed up the beginning half! After my first jump combo, I do a crossover, step forward, cross behind step and on that cross behind, I was too far back on the end of my blade and I came down hard on my tailbone. There are some falls that take the wind out of you and then there are others that take your spirit. This fall drained my spirit. I just kind of sat there in defeat. I was going to get up and stop the music but instead I got ready to pick it back up at the step sequence (which is where I stopped on the first run through). So, yeah. I did two halves of my program and all of it sucked. 

Dance - I ran through DW and CT without the music (I played the music in my head so that counts, right?). Canasta was great (in fact...it was better?). The Waltz was good too but I'm having the same problem I had ages ago when I was learning this. I run out of room. I make my swing rolls too big and that throws the whole pattern off. I'll have Christopher take a look. These are the two adult solo pattern dances for the 2021-2022 season so I'm brushing up on them now since I haven't really focused on them since March. Have I mentioned that I hate the Dutch Waltz? Well, I do. With a passion.

Mental State - I think once every year for a brief spell, I go through a phase where my mind just isn't syncing up to my body. This generally results in mental defeat. It usually goes away in time so I'm not terribly worried about it but I feel like I'm in one of those periods now. I totally get what Simone Biles is going through right now. The body and the mind need to work together and when they don't, it can get messy...and dangerous. I've been trying really hard lately to relax and that works but not all of the time. I wouldn't be so concerned about it if I didn't have a bunch of important things coming up soon (tests and competitions). Ugh.

Mock Test

 Lesson today! I expressed once again to Christopher how unprepared I have been feeling lately about this upcoming test. He suggested we do a mock test today to see where I'm at. I made him promise not to sugar coat anything in regards to his scoring. I want full honesty. I need to know where I stand. 

Eight Step Mohawks: This is my worst move mostly because the bad side outside mohawk is so noticeably bad. I knew he would not be kind on this one. Christoper's score = -2

Forward and Backward Cross Strokes: Did you hear that? That's the sound of every single one of my forward cross strokes ripping through the ice! I was pretty proud of that. No rips on the backward strokes though. Christopher's score = -1 (damn)

FO-BI 3 Turns: Not bad. I didn't have a foot down! Woot! Christopher's score = 0

FI - BO 3 Turns: Not as bad as they have been. I didn't have a foot down but I knew my lobes coming out of the LBO turn were wonky. Christopher's score = -1

Spirals - Weeee! This is my best move. Christopher's score = +2

Forward and Backward Power Pulls: These feel comfortable but they still don't have a lot of power. The backward pulls are clearly better than the forward pulls. Christopher's score = -1

Total = -3 (Retry)

He allowed me to reskate my Power Pulls and, since I did a bit better the second time, I was able to bring my total score up to a -2 but that is still not good enough to pass. My only reassurance here is that I know he scores hard and he told me that while my Eight Step Mohawks aren't my best move, he has seen standard level skaters pass with worse. Here's the thing though. Even though I didn't pass the mock test. I think I can maybe squeak out a pass on test day. He said he would have given me a +3 on my spirals but my inside spirals were not as good as my outside spirals so that would have been an extra point to bring me up to -1. Also, I could have gotten one more point on my FI-BO turns if I would have made my lobes less wonky on my LBO. I think I can fix that as well and that extra point would bring me up to a 0, which is passing. The Power Pulls have potential to pass as well if I remember to do a couple of things - cross my free leg in front and mind my arms on the forward pulls. At the adult level they should have power, yes, but if not power then at least they should look good. 

So, I think I'm going to do this after all. My calm from yesterday carried over to today and it really helped. I think if I can make some small improvements and remember to stay calm and trust my skills, I might have a chance. He reminded me that I only need 2/3 of the judges to pass me. I'm at the point where I know the test but just need to employ some small adjustments to make it good enough to get me a pass

Much Better

 My session at the Y today wasn't the worst. I was able to get a lot done in the hour and 45 minutes I was there (oddly, only 1 minute of that registered as cardio on my FitBit which was disappointing considering I was breathing hard and sweating toward the end).

Movez - I did it all but I spent a good chunk (probably 30 minutes total) working only on the 3 Turns. I paid attention to where I was placing the turns on the lobe, I worked on keeping my upper half still, I noticed where my shoulders were, and I tried my best to STAY CALM! I've noticed that 3 turns give me super anxiety and when I look at my FitBit afterwards, there is always a pretty dramatic spike in my heart rate where I've been doing 3 turns. As mentioned above, my FitBit barely registered any cardio at all today so that means that I either did a really good job at staying calm or my FitBit is lying. I like to think it was because I was calm. My turns were better than they have been in the last couple of weeks and I felt capable doing them. 

The 27 Program Challenge (9/27) - YAY! I'm officially 1/3 through the challenge. I feel like I'm behind, though, and maybe I am. I haven't counted to see where I should be. Regardless, I ran my program and everything was good. I didn't fall on any of my jumps, I didn't bail on the Lutz combo, my spins spun, and I ended on time with the music. The only regret is that my step sequence was not placed as far down the ice as I wanted it but it got done without any trip ups. I feel like I'm back on track with this. I wanted to run it a second time since I was feeling feisty but there were a couple of other skaters running their programs and they were a little inconsiderate of the other people on the ice. Common courtesy dictates that you run your program and then you let someone else run their program and so on and so forth until all programs have been run. THEN, you can run your program again. However, these two particular skaters each ran their programs three times in a row and then again a couple more times to work on certain sections with the music. Super rude. There was a period of about 20 minutes where nobody but themselves were running programs. They just didn't care. They had work to do and screw everybody else, I guess. By the time they were done, I was already tired and annoyed and just wanted to leave. 

Saturday Meh

 Well, practice this morning started out well and then it became increasingly underwhelming. And then it escalated to "painful to watch."

Movez - I ran through most of my moves and they felt okay, even the 8 step. But, the FI-BO turns were a total disaster today. I put a foot down after every backward turn. Not cool. I'm really frustrated because I know I can do them cleanly but for some reason lately, they are just gone. I skated around a bit giving myself a pep talk. I reminded myself that back in early January, I was still struggling to even get an LBO turn at all and that I have made progress despite how things look right now. It's okay if I need to give myself more time to get it consistent. Maybe an August test date looming over me is getting into my head and I need to consider pushing it back. Earlier this summer when I felt like I had loads of time, I was getting them turned consistently. But now that I know I only have a few weeks until the test I'm falling apart. I think it just needs more time to cook and taking the test after the new year might be a smart move if I want to, you know, actually pass and stuff. 

The 27 Program Challenge (8/27) - Honestly, I didn't feel like running my program today but I have a challenge to complete so I bucked up and started up my music. I fell on the opening jump combo, bailed on my Lutz combo (again), was dead slow on my step sequence, and almost ate shit on the final pose. Lovely. It's weird because my jumps, spins, and footwork were actually kind of nice this morning before I ran my program so I don't have an explanation for why it fell apart other than I was still in my head about testing. One positive is that I'm not as winded anymore when I'm running my program. I think running it every time I skate is helping with that.

I'm a Cat Lady Again!

 I skipped my session at the Y on Sunday because there was some drama in my personal life on Saturday and it was a lot to deal with. I needed a break. Long story short, one of my friends passed away and, before he did, he asked me if I would take care of his cats for him. I promised him I would. So over the weekend, my husband and I drove down south to my friend's old apartment to pick up Zeus and Athena and take them home with us. Since Dinah is no longer with us, I am able to fulfill my promise to my friend and will love them and care for them the way he wanted. I'm pretty sad about losing a friend but the silver lining is that I know he is resting easy not worrying about his kids and my house isn't as quiet and sad anymore now that there are cats there again. They really are sweet kitties and I'm glad to have them but we are all grieving. My husband and I lost our kitty, I lost a friend and, Zeus and Athena lost their human. I guess we can help each other heal. 

So, my lesson on Monday was a bit of a mess because I was super distracted plus there was that missed practice. But, I got through it anyway. Christopher was understanding and was patient with me which was kind of him. 

The 27 Program Challenge (7/27) - Before running the whole thing with the music, he wanted to spice up some areas to make them look a little nicer. He adjusted a couple of steps at the beginning of my step sequence, changed where I'm looking on the end of the step sequence, reminded me to create a deeper curve going into the final spin, and he adjusted the end pose slightly so that I'm making a full turn to face the judges instead of a half turn to face the goal. All tiny adjustments but they will all add up to make things look a little more clean. I ran the step sequence to the end with the changes and my muscle memory kicked in and I reverted back to my original steps. I made a face (and an expletive) but kept going. When I was done Christopher reminded me that the judges won't know I messed up if I just roll with it but, they will definitely know if I drop an F Bomb while making angry faces, lol. Finally, I ran the whole program with the music. I fell pretty hard on my loop jump (which never happens, it's my best jump) and it stunned me for a hot second before I was able to get up and finish the program. Funny thing about program falls: they only hurt if you don't get up, lol. Once I got up, the pain disappeared until I was able to finish. Adrenaline is a beautiful thing!

I keep reminding myself that I still have plenty of time to polish this up and a few bad run throughs are not an indication of how I'm going to perform come competition time in September. I have also had good run throughs as well so I know a clean program is in there somewhere. 

Testing - I spoke to Christopher about how I'm not entirely confident about being test ready next month. He advised me to keep plugging away at things as if I'll be testing but we will do a trial run of the test a couple weeks before and see where I stand. I do know this: This will be my last season skating at the Bronze Level. Hopefully, I'll be able to earn my way to Silver by the start of next season but if not, I think I'll skate up anyway. I think it's just the kick in the ass I need and I'm already including Silver level elements in my programs. I don't want people to think I'm sandbagging by staying at Bronze. But yeah, it will be nice if I can test into it but if not, I'll be there anyway. I also don't think I'll participate in the Adult Competition Series this season. There are a lot of things changing in my personal life and I don't feel ready to commit to going to Midwestern Sectionals to finish out the series. It will take some of the pressure off.

Quiet Ice

 I guess everyone is in Vail this weekend for the Invitational so it was a bit dead this morning at Apex. Just me and two other adult skaters. I can't complain. The ice was nice and I had lots of room to work on things!

Movez - I think panic is starting to set in. I have about 4 weeks until the test and I'm still pretty inconsistent on those 3 turns. I was able to do the whole FO-BI set without a foot down but I can't say the same for the FI-BO turns. I still have some time but even still, my nerves are typically crazy on test day so that coupled with inconsistent turns is a recipe for failure. But, my Power Pulls felt pretty good today. I think this was the first time I have done them where they felt "passable." I'm still not getting rips but they are getting done and I don't think they'll sink me on the test. I worked on everything else. The 8 Step pattern was nice and I at least had an even cadence but I know that ccw outside mohawk is still an issue. 

The 27 Program Challenge (6/27) - Since it was empty today, I vowed to run it twice! On my first run through, I bailed on the Lutz-Toe and my timing was off on the final spin. I wish I could say the second run through was better but alas. It was just as bad but in different spots. These two run throughs were probably the worst I've done. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Called out

 Lesson today and man, I wasn't feeling it. I was in a mood and my ankle decided that today was the day it was going to hurt whenever I did just about anything. But, as always, Christopher noticed. He noticed that I was hiding pain and he noticed that I didn't do the end pose he gave me for my program (more on that in a bit). 

We got right to work with the most glaring mistakes in the video I sent him of me doing my program - my terrible technique on the Lutz jump and the step sequence not taking up enough space. With the step sequence, I just need to push harder and have a little more power. That's not something that I can learn in just one lesson. I have to really work on it each time I skate. So I promised I will. After working on it a bit during our lesson, he said I was able to get an extra five feet. Not much but it's something. I'm at least getting half a rink's worth of movement which meets the requirements so there's that. Next up, the Lutz. This is where things really got dicey with my ankle and he called me out on it. He asked if my ankle was hurting so I had to admit that it was. Sigh. We worked on it for about 10 more minutes and not a lot of progress was made (I thought). He wants me to really work on the timing of the jump more than the pick and vault (although that needs hella work too but one thing at a time, I suppose). 

He had me run the program from the beginning of the step sequence until the end and when I was finished and skated up to him, he called me out on the end pose that I took upon myself to change hoping he wouldn't notice. Well, he did notice. And then we worked on getting the ending that I should be doing instead. Nothing gets past him and he won't let me take any short cuts. So, fancy ending it is!

Next up were Moves. We only looked at the 3 turns and the 8 Step, which is great because those need the most work. My FO-BI on my good side have bigger lobes than the turns on my bad side so I need to even both sides out to make the whole move look right. With my FI-BO turns, it's a different problem. There really isn't a good side vs. bad side. It's more like big lobes vs. small lobes on everything. The FI turns are huge but the BO turns are not. So, if I shallow out the FI turns that will make the whole move a bit more visually pleasing. 

I feel like I was a Debby Downer throughout the entirety of my lesson. I just had a lot on my mind and my body was hurting. Honestly, it's just one of those days where I want to be curled up with a book and escape for a bit. I didn't want to tell him I was a mess physically and mentally because I really don't want him to think I'm making excuses for anything. But clearly, I'm not good at hiding things either. I'll be better for next week. 

Oh, before I forget: 

The 27 Program Challenge (4/27) - I did my session at the Y on Sunday and got a lot done. I ran my program but bailed on the Lutz. Other than that, it was okay and I ended on time with the music.