First time on ice....again

I feel like a beginner again. Today was my first time on ice for the third time. My first time on ice was as an adult beginner in Texas in 2005. My second first time on ice was back in March of this year when I started up again after a 10 year break. Today was my third first time on ice after a break of a different kind.

The fear of falling (and failing) was real, ya'll. I laced up my skates and stepped cautiously onto the ice. I clung to the railing at first and then let go to complete a lap of forward swizzles....tentatively. To say my left leg felt stiff is an understatement. But it didn't hurt. So, I moved on to some backward ccw half pumps in a circle. This is my good side so it felt fine. When I switched to my bad side (the cw backward half pumps) that's when the pain ensued. At first it was just sore and I thought "hey, this isn't supposed to feel awesome, just power through it." But then it started to hurt for real. I got off the ice, drank some water and had Dustin talk me off the ledge. I hated that the pain had me near tears. I needed to keep it together.

I got back on the ice to try some backwards crossovers in both directions. Again, the good side felt good but the bad side...well, we won't talk about the bad side. At this point it was excruciating. My left boot is putting a lot of pressure on the area where the plate and screws are and I just can't see how I'm supposed to continue with this hardware in. It's almost unbearable.

I spoke with my coach and we briefly discussed some alternatives such as adding some padding and that's cool and all but I think this is beyond adding padding. Right now, that part of my leg is bruised from the pressure of the boot. I feel like the only option is to have surgery to get the hardware out. I promised him I would try again but I'm not feeling confident that it will feel any better. As much as I don't want to have another surgery, I think getting the hardware out is the only option for me to fully recover from this injury.

But I will say this. I was BRAVE today! Everything in my brain said "the ice is dangerous, it will hurt you, stay away" but I refuse to give up on my passion. I will not let this be the end of my story. It's going to be a long and rough road to get back to where I was but it's a road I'm glad to travel down. I got this :)