Return of the Geisha

Geez, I fell a lot today. Like stupid falls too! At one point I fell while standing and talking to my coach. My blades just slipped out from under me. What the hell...

Stupid falls aside, I had a pretty good skate today. My biggest accomplishments were in regards to my Circle 8 and my loop jump.

Warm-up: Did some laps, some edges, and moved right into Bronze MIF starting with the Circle 8. Today was a first! I completed the whole pattern without a foot down and with relatively normal looking circles. This is super exciting. I've been working so hard on this and to see noticeable progress feels pretty darn good! I moved on to the Perimeter Power Stroking and that also felt pretty nice. The Alternating XO-BO Edges are getting there. It's just really hard to devote serious time to it in a busy session. I keep having to abandon the pattern to make way for someone. But, it got worked on. I only worked on the Power Three Turns on the blue line today. I feel like I'm just going through the motions with this. I'm missing the "power" part of it. Finally ended with Five Step Mohawks. Those still feel okay so I only did one run of them and moved on to jumps and spins. Backspins are getting more comfortable but I'm still not crossing my leg over yet. I want some more time in the flamingo position until I can consistently find my rocker. I ran through all of my jumps including loops from both entries. No fear anymore on these! That's HUGE! I did not do any Flips, though. I'm still working them on the floor. They should be ready to take to the ice soon.

Lesson: Christopher reminded me of the conversation we had right after my test about entering in some competitions and, sadly, he informed me that Colorado Champs won't be happening this year. He mentioned the Colorado Springs Invitational in September and I was glad to hear we were thinking the same thing. I mentioned that this event was part of the Adult Competition Series and would earn me points that would later be combined with the points I earn at Midwestern Sectionals (which are in Colorado this year!). He seemed okay with this plan so we got right to work on beefing up my Memoirs of a Geisha program. The overall structure of the program will stay the same but we are just reworking the jumps to make them more competitive. So, here is what has changed:

• Single waltz jump is now a waltz-falling leaf-half flip sequence

• Single half flip is now a loop jump from back crossovers

• New choreography coming out of the loop jump to include an extended LFO glide with pretty arms (I love how he knows how much I'm struggling with this so he throws it in as a challenge. Harrumph). 

• Single salchow is now a salchow-toe loop combo (I need to work on not toe-waltzing these). 

• *Update* Single toe-loop added before the final spin. 

So, that's three jump elements and the rule book says max of four so I'm okay there, although I wouldn't mind one more jump to bring it to four. I also meet the combo/sequence requirements that say one combo/sequence can have three jumps and the other can only have two. And, for now, the steps and spins will stay the same. Now starts the task of trying to retrain my body to skate this program differently. Homework. Lots and lots of homework. 

Click of Death

We all know (and dread) the click of death. This is that moment when you are doing a backwards crossover and you hear the sound of your blades crashing together. One brief "click" and you're down. You've tripped yourself in the most embarrassing of ways.

I haven't had a "click of death" moment in a long time but now that I'm working on Bronze moves it seems to be something that happens almost every session, especially when I'm working on Power 3 Turns. Ugh. My goal today was for zero clicks of death :)

Movez - I ran through all of my Bronze MIF elements in no particular order and spent more time on some and less on others. Perimeter Power Stroking felt nice and flow-y. I'm getting four forward and four backward strokes and my end pattern feels nice. The session thinned out for a few minutes so I seized that opportunity to work on the Alternating BO Pattern. It felt rushed and my LBO didn't feel as solid as my RBO but that wasn't a surprise (stupid left leg). Since I was so worried about the click of death, I spent some time working the Power Three Turns on both sides using the blue line rather than skating it down the length of the rink. I hate that I've become hesitant on this move. I used to like doing it but then the clicks and falls happened and I got spooked. Maybe if I slow them down and do them on the blue line for a while, I'll build up my confidence on these once again. Five Step Mohawk felt fine today and I'm getting five lobes down the length of the rink. It felt a little steppy but I attribute that to the fact that I haven't skated in a week. I'm rusty. Finally, Circle 8. There were a couple where I didn't put my foot down at all on the LFO portion of the pattern but as a consequence, the circle was wonky. This is going to take some time but I know it's getting better. When I think of where I was with this a few months ago, I can definitely see improvement.

Spinz - I started with two-foot and one-foot spins as a warm-up and then started work on the backspin. Per my coach's instructions, I have switched my entry from a FI 3 turn to back swizzle half pumps. This makes things easier and I've had much more success getting over my right side this way. In fact, I had one really nice backspin where I found my rocker (finally) and was all like "wow, so this is what it's supposed to feel like." I think I got about 3-4 revolutions which was great but my free-leg was flamingo'd so that was not so great. I know it should be done in the crossed-leg position but shouldn't I learn how to spin first before I start crossing things? I mean, that's how I learned the forward one-foot spin/scratch spin. Anyway, my goal was to dedicate time to the backspin and dedicate time I did. Mission accomplished.

Jumpz - I started with the easy stuff (waltz jumps and half flips) and worked my way up to the more challenging jumps (salchow, toe loop, loop, and flip). My goal today was to work both entries to the loop jump to make them more comfortable and then attempt some flip jumps. I only succeeded with half of my mission. Loops are fine but I balked at working on the flip. I have been doing some floor flips that have the proper free leg, rotation, and arms but I still feel like I need more time before I take it to the ice for reals. I'll keep working on it because I want to have something to show Christopher on Thursday for our lesson.

So yeah, it was a decent practice. I was rusty but that's because over the past couple of weeks there was a pairs camp hosted by our rink and the Broadmoor Open that resulted in deleted days from my contract. Our rink then included drop-in times that didn't align with when I'm able to get to the rink. As a result, very little practicing got done on the ice. We are back to a regular contract schedule now so I should be back on track with consistent practices. I may have to supplement with a trip to APEX for a public session on Wednesday evening even though I know it's going to be crowded and possibly a waste of my time.

Flippity Flip the Fear Flop Flipped

I was reading back through this journal and forgot about how much fear I was battling with the Flip jump a year ago. I was so scared to even attempt the jump and there were many sessions where I would promise to attempt it but would always chicken out and leave the rink in frustration.

I was just thinking about my most recent lesson with Christopher this past Monday when he asked me to do a flip jump and I just...did. I guess over the course of an entire year of not practicing it because I was recovering I forgot that I was scared of this jump.

One year ago today, I blogged about how I wanted to get this jump to the point where if Christopher asked me to do one I would just say "okay" and do it. No fear. No hesitation. I'm at that point now :)

Sure, the technique sucks and I'm two-footing the landings most of the time but my fear of it is gone. I've been doing a lot of brave things on the ice lately and I'm going to celebrate each time because I know how crippling fear can be. Hooray for small victories!

Loopapalooza

A skating haiku:

Rainy drive to rink
But I landed a loop jump
From back crossovers

Warm-up: Standard warm-up included stroking, slaloms, and forward/backward edges. Once I got blood flowing to my legs I started in with Bronze MIF. I mostly worked on that LFO edge of the circle 8 and, if there was any progress, it was slight. At least it's not getting worse. Five step mohawk, power threes, and power stroking also got some attention. I'm finding it difficult to work on the BO edge pattern since the sessions I'm in are always so crowded, including a girl who is very much a beginner and about 4 years old. Maybe it's me but I feel it's a bit dangerous to have her on a freestyle session. She really should be in group lessons until she can at least learn to be aware of her surroundings. At least her coach does a very good job wrangling her but it still makes me really nervous not so much because I think I'll run into her but because I'm afraid someone else will. I moved on to spins; one-foot, two-foot, and then some backspins to get me ready for jumps. I ran through the standards; waltz, toe loop, salchow, half flip, then loop. I spent a lot of time on the loop jump because I was determined to show Christopher that I can make progress on this without the use of the harness. After a few nice loops from a standstill, I gathered every bit of courage I had and tried the backward crossover entry. You know what? It happened! It's like my body just remembered what to do and it happened! Turns out, if I don't think about getting hurt and just do the thing, the thing will happen. I landed a bunch from back crossovers and fell on the last one. Wouldn't you know, that's the one that Christopher saw as he was getting on the ice for our lesson. Sigh.

Lesson - Immediately, we started in with loop jumps by the boards with an emphasis on proper body alignment, arm position, and strengthening my core. Then I went out to open ice to apply what I've learned. He was pleased with the progress I made with getting over the fear of the backward entry so we spent a lot of time just polishing it up. I have a tendency to flail my arms over my head so we spent some time on arms. Since he had the dartfish video out I was able to see that I am doing this more on the backward crossover entry than I am from a standstill (although I do it sometimes here as well). Also, by watching the video, I can see my leg crossing properly in the jump and that makes my heart smile. His one criticism with the crossed leg is that I need to bring it in closer to my skating leg during the jump and align it better with my skating knee. It's very open right now but hey, I'm just glad it's happening at all :) Pleased with my loop jumps, we moved on to flip jumps. I...haven't practiced these. At all. It showed. I two-footed every landing except for one but even that one was sloppy and unrecognizable. Again with the flaily arms. We tried slowing them down considerably and that seemed to help but I still have this ugly habit of bringing my pick-in leg up pretty high before I pick-in for the jump. So I have a lot of homework to do on this jump for sure. I need to slow it down, not bring the leg up too high behind me before I pick in, not lean so much to the side in the air, watch my arm position, and somehow do all this and still land on a nice BO edge. This will need some more time on the floor before I transfer it to the ice.

So, I'm now officially back to where I was before I broke my leg. I essentially lost a year but I have worked so hard to get to this point. I'm ready to move on from here :)

Harness of Doom

I warmed up for my lesson today and felt pretty good. My loop jumps are no longer scary and I'm crossing my free leg in front most of the time. I was excited to show Christopher my progress so when he got on the ice I eagerly told him that I can loop now :)

He wanted to see me do one so I did a couple from a stand still that were pretty decent. He commented on the improvement in my free leg position and even remarked that the jump has good rotation. In fact, one of was slightly over-rotated. So, yeah, the fear is gone. I can do the jump now. I win, right? Wrong! Now he wants me to enter from backward crossovers and I started to have a bit of a panic attack. Remember, it wasn't so much the jump that broke my leg, it was the entry. My bones  snapped before I even left the ice! So when we talked about doing loops again, I mentioned that I wasn't comfortable doing them from the backwards crossover entry because that's what did me in last time. This is why I have been practicing them from the RFI three turn entry. He saw the panic and fear rising and tried his best to convince me that I know how to do the jump just fine, I'm stronger now that I'm healed, I'm a rock star because I passed my tests. I mean, that's nice to hear (👍) but I'm SCARED! We worked a bit on the entry without the jump and the panic was still pretty strong, like almost bringing me to tears strong! So he suggested the harness...

Fast forward to five minutes later because how the hell do you strap yourself into this thing anyway?! and we were ready to go. We started off with a jump I know how to do well (a salchow) just so I could get the feel of the contraption. Um....guys, no. Just no. I hate this thing. My center of gravity was off, the top of the harness kept getting in the way of my head, and I really didn't feel like I had any control over anything. I felt like a drunk marionette doll. It was awful. I finally landed a messy salchow so we started working on loop jumps from the backward entry. I couldn't even bring myself to do it in the harness! That's how strong this fear is. So, after many failed attempts at the loop, we moved on to flip jumps since that's another one I'm struggling with. I couldn't get my body right while in this thing. I've landed flips before without a harness and this was just like starting all over again. I hated it and couldn't wait for my lesson to end so I could unstrap myself.

I think I'll stick to floor jumps and on-ice attempts without a harness. Here's the thing: When I'm doing a jump and I can feel that I won't land it and will likely fall, I can put my body in a position to fall the right way so I don't get hurt. But when I'm in the harness, I'm assuming he's going to catch me (even though I still fell in the harness a couple of times...hard!) so I don't prepare for the fall. I also just can't feel my body the right way. It feels so unnatural. I would rather just attempt them without the harness and have control over my falls than do them in the harness and not.

I felt weak today. And incapable. The super awesome progress I made with the loop jump and the pride I felt at overcoming this fear was all wiped away today. I need cake. Cake will help :(

Keeping me in the Loop

Per usual, I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning but I did anyway. I have too much to work on to skip sessions.

Movez - After my warm up, I ran through the entire Bronze MIF spending more time on the circle 8 (worst move) and less time on the five step mohawk (best move). I made some progress on the LFO circle. Again, I used the center hockey circle and just tried to maintain an LFO edge without putting a foot down. There were several where I made it 3/4 of the way around without putting my foot down. I mean, just a few days ago I was happy with one foot down and now I'm almost making it around a full hockey circle with no foot down at all. I probably would have made it all the way around if not for lack of momentum. Anyway, it's coming along. Slowly, but it's coming.

Spinz - I worked on backspins for a good chunk of time and forced myself to work through them instead of giving up out of frustration. I can't say that real progress was made here but I think the goal was to simply push through it and make sure I work on it without giving up.

Jumpz - Finally, loop jumps! I'm pretty sure I spent half the practice on these alone. Now that the fear is mostly gone, I'm not hesitating when attempting them. But I am taking my time to make sure the technique is correct. So, I spent a lot of time doing them from a standstill (LFI glide - RFI 3-turn - hold with leg crossed - jump). I did this over and over until I was consistent with getting my leg crossed in front. It definitely feels different when my free leg is properly crossed so I can easily tell when I've done it right versus when I go into full flamingo mode with my leg. When I do it correctly, I can feel my free leg "unwrap" on the landing. So, I think about half of them were good and proper while the other half were flamingo'd. I had kind of an emotional moment working on these though. The first time I landed one with the proper free leg, I really felt like, I don't know, I won? I'm really proud of myself for not letting this beat me. Almost a year later and I'm consistently landing the jump that broke me and, well, it's kinda neat :)

A case of the Mondays

What was I thinking adding a Monday morning to my contract? As if mornings themselves weren't bad enough I choose to do them on a Monday as well? Dumb. Anyway, we rescheduled this week's lesson for today because Christopher is performing in a ballet this weekend and will be in rehearsals later in the week.

Warm up: Because I was really sleepy, I didn't have it in me to jump or spin today. Actually, I didn't have it in me to be there at all although I know I need the practice and I knew I had a lesson today. So I worked on stuff that wouldn't make me exert too much energy because, you know, I didn't have any. After warming up, I had about 20 minutes until my lesson and devoted that time to the circle 8. And guess what? As sleepy as I was, I made some progress. My goal with this today was to make it around the LFO circle with no more than one FD (foot down). I was able to accomplish this a few times so I know it wasn't a fluke. I know this doesn't sound like progress but considering I was putting my foot down anywhere from 2-4 times, this is good. The bad news is that, while I didn't put my foot down more than once, I had really misshapen circles that were MUCH larger than they should be. This is because I cannot get on a secure outside edge so I'm drifting out of the circle. Ugh. But, it's a start. I finished up with some jumps: waltz, salchow, and the double half-flips.

Lesson: Since Christopher saw me working on the circle 8, that's what we started with. He had me do the whole thing and the other edges were fine. It's just this one. So, we used the big hockey circle in the middle to see if I could just maintain the edge. He saw that I made progress on not putting my foot down as frequently but he noticed the odd shape of my circle and the fact that I'm using my upper body to steer because "it looks like you don't trust your edge." Yeah, I don't trust my edge! It doesn't exist. After spending entirely too much time on this, we moved on to the power three turns. With these, I'm making my three-turn lobes too big, almost as big as the crossover lobes. He pulled up the pattern from the USFSA rulebook and pointed out how they are not the same size. I also need to hold the edge longer after the turn. So, there's some work to be done here for sure. We did both sides including the end pattern. Next up, jumps. Building on what I was able to accomplish on Thursday with attempting and landing a small loop jump, we worked on getting the technique correct with the freeleg. I'm still not crossing the freeleg in front as I should after the three turn. Keeping the freeleg crossed will allow me to have my weight over my right side to execute the jump better. I know this. I just can't get my brain to talk to my body to make it happen. I think I'll just spend some time working on the entry without doing the jump. So, RFI three turn, keep the leg crossed in front, and ride the edge. Also, backspins will definitely help. We looked at the waltz jump and salchow just to make sure they didn't backslide since the test. They are fine. He just wants me to hold the landing for three seconds and keep my arms up on the landing.

When we were done, he proposed bringing the harness to our next lesson. I'm still battling some fear issues and he thinks that, with the safety net of the harness, I will be able to get a feel for the proper technique of things. He also wants me to start really working on those flips again and thinks this will help build confidence. I admitted that getting into the harness makes me feel a bit like a failure but ultimately, I agreed. I know it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Skaters of all levels get into the harness to learn jumps all the time. I know it will help, I'm just being stubborn. So yeah, next week is harness time.