The 24 Program Challenge

 It's been a week's worth of practices and lessons and, although it went mostly the way it always does, there was one moment that got to me. A brief moment of what I interpreted as disappointment from my coach. He might have been just teasing but it was a reality check. I need to get over some of the insecurities I have as an adult skater. 

It was during our lesson yesterday when we had just finished up working on Silver Moves. He asked how my program was coming along and I admitted that, although I have been running sections of it, I have not run it in its entirety with the music. That's when he said "Do you even want to compete because it seems like you're making excuses not to." Ugh. It killed me. I explained that I'm super shy about running my program because it pales in comparison to some of the more advanced skaters on the ice. He assured me that it's a beautiful program and I skate it well. There is nothing to be shy about. I know all this, yet...it's hard being an adult skater sometimes, especially when you have anxiety like mine. So, I promised him I would do better to get over these stupid insecurities. He wants me to run my program at least once during every practice. So, I'll do it! No excuses. I don't want him to think I don't want this. 

The 24 Program Challenge - So, here's how it's going to go. I compete at the Cody Spring Classic in late March (from the 20th-22nd). If I skate three days a week like I normally do, that means I have 24 practices between now and then. That's 24 programs that I need to run. This blog will keep me accountable and hopefully by mid-March, my program will be as solid as it was when I last competed back in October, maybe even better. 

I'm sure he's not actually disappointed in me but his comment lit a fire under my ass. I can't keep comparing myself to some of the younger skaters. They've been skating their whole lives and I started as an older fumbling adult. They learn quicker and bounce back faster. It's not the same. I can only compare myself to who I was yesterday. It's pretty badass that I'm in my 40s and I'm doing what I do. I should be proud of that instead of being shy about the skills I don't yet have. One of my skating goals for this year was to leave fear behind in 2020 and so far I'm not doing the best job at that. I need to really work harder to not let things get to me so much. I need to stop overthinking everything. It's stupid. 

To end this post on a good note, I am starting to seriously prepare for my dance tests in February (oddly, I'm not shy about running pattern dances with the music during my practice sessions. Maybe because the skills are the same no matter who skates them). I asked Christopher if I should register to test these at the Standard level rather than Adult 21+. He says he thinks I am good enough to pass at the standard level. So yeah, I'm gonna test standard. What?! I'll try to go as long as I can at the standard level and if things get too tricky, I can always switch to Adult 21+ . I really wish I could take the confidence I have with dance and transfer it over to freestyle. That would be nice, huh?