Things are feeling better bit by bit and I am almost starting to reconsider having the surgery done. I went to Apex on Saturday and, while it was a bit crowded, I was able to work on some things and feel a bit more accomplished.
Spinz - Two foot spins are consistently getting 5-6 revs and are getting faster now that I'm more confident. The breakthrough with these was being able to enter a one-foot spin from backward crossovers. The idea of stepping forward and hooking the spin on my left foot was terrifying but when I did it, it barely hurt! And I got 7 revolutions! I was able to find my rocker right away! How's that for progress! I didn't dare try a scratch spin as it was too crowded. Maybe next time.
Jumpz - I can actually write "jump" in the plural form because in addition to the many waltz jumps I did, I threw in a side toe hop. I know, it's more of a skip than a jump but I left the ice for a split second so it counts. So yeah, I can do a waltz-side toe hop-waltz again! One thing I've noticed is that while these are tiny jumps, I'm more aware of my body parts (namely my arms) because I'm more cautious and taking my time now rather than just flinging myself into the air as I had previously done. While this is nice and I know that being aware will make me a better skater, I do miss the idea that I was unbreakable. I always knew breaking bones was a possibility, I just didn't think it would ever happen to me. Until it did. I guess I am a different skater now. This has changed me :)
Movez - I really couldn't do much in this area because there were so many people on the ice but hey, I'm getting really good at dodging people on a busy public session. Perhaps I might be ready to return to a busy freestyle for lessons! Anyway, I did many passes of FO edges and I'm feeling much more stable with my LFO edges. Since these felt better, I decided to try some backward edges. Oddly, without thinking about it, I set up for and started doing BI edges! And they happened! I mean, they weren't as lovely as they used to be but they happened! And these are my worst edges out of the four! SQUEE!
So, I'm making some progress here and I'm going to keep skating for a few more weeks and then decide for sure. I'm either going to commit to the surgery or I'm going to contact Christopher and tell him I'm ready to start back with him after the New Year. Maybe I can keep the hardware in and make this all work after all.
OH! And I ordered my RMFSC jacket! It's warm and pretty and the adult small fit me like a glove when I tried on the sample. Hopefully I'll get it before Christmas and that will give me the extra push and motivation I need to continue to work hard at recovery :)
Monday, November 20, 2017
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Disappointment
A member of the clinical staff at my doctor's office returned my phone call about scheduling the surgery to have the hardware out and I was told that they don't feel comfortable taking it out until six months after the surgery. This means I need to wait until January or February to schedule my surgery. In the meantime, I will have to skate in pain because I really don't want to be off the ice any longer than I have been already.
Maybe I can get some padding like my coach suggested to help ease the pressure from my skate boot. Ugh, more setbacks. I'm really tired of this whole ordeal.
Maybe I can get some padding like my coach suggested to help ease the pressure from my skate boot. Ugh, more setbacks. I'm really tired of this whole ordeal.
Monday, November 13, 2017
Experimenting on ice.
I went skating again this weekend. It was less painful than the first time and I was able to do much more but it still hurts a lot because of the hardware. I called the doctor this morning to see about scheduling surgery to get it out and am now waiting for a return phone call.
I think the biggest difference in my skating this time was more confidence. I'm still tentative and on the verge of a mini panic attack when I lose balance or almost fall but I am not as timid. I would really like to get that first fall over with because I know it will make me a little less fearful but I'm certainly not going to fall on purpose to get it done. So yeah, I was very careful this go around but definitely more speedy.
I did some forward outside edges and was able to do those competently. They still looked shaky though as I recover some of the balance in my left ankle. After doing several passes of outside edges I did a couple of waltz 8s. They were disproportionate and unstable but they happened. I guess that's a start. I wasn't able to work my way back to the center because my circles were uneven. Again, this ties into the fact that my left ankle is still so sore and unstable. The step forward onto my LFO edge is fine but the RFO step forward is really painful. Go figure.
Spins happened albeit slowly. I did some very slow two foot spins and a couple where I picked the free leg up to make an equally slow one foot spin. Ever since the surgery, I have not recovered sensation in the outside part of my left foot. The doc says it can take quite awhile for the nerves to regenerate so hopefully I will eventually get feeling back. In the meantime, it is difficult to get a sense of the where my rocker is on my left foot considering I can't feel half of it. I used to just put weight on my pinky toe but now I can't feel my pinky toe so...you know, crap spins.
I felt adventurous enough to try jumping. Mostly, I just wanted to see if I was too scared to jump after the last time jumping left me with broken bones. I did a (very tiny) waltz jump. Guess what? I'm not too scared to jump :)
Overall, it was a good practice. I'm still testing the waters so to speak and there is still a lot of pain associated with the hardware but I know as soon as I get it out, I can start to really work on getting back to where I was. One nice thing that happened during practice: a little boy was skating near me and he fell. As is my custom, I skated up to him to ask if he was okay. He said yes and got up on his own. When he was fully upright he beamed at me and said "you skate really good" and then he was off. It meant the world to me knowing that I can still "skate really good" after all I've been through :)
I think the biggest difference in my skating this time was more confidence. I'm still tentative and on the verge of a mini panic attack when I lose balance or almost fall but I am not as timid. I would really like to get that first fall over with because I know it will make me a little less fearful but I'm certainly not going to fall on purpose to get it done. So yeah, I was very careful this go around but definitely more speedy.
I did some forward outside edges and was able to do those competently. They still looked shaky though as I recover some of the balance in my left ankle. After doing several passes of outside edges I did a couple of waltz 8s. They were disproportionate and unstable but they happened. I guess that's a start. I wasn't able to work my way back to the center because my circles were uneven. Again, this ties into the fact that my left ankle is still so sore and unstable. The step forward onto my LFO edge is fine but the RFO step forward is really painful. Go figure.
Spins happened albeit slowly. I did some very slow two foot spins and a couple where I picked the free leg up to make an equally slow one foot spin. Ever since the surgery, I have not recovered sensation in the outside part of my left foot. The doc says it can take quite awhile for the nerves to regenerate so hopefully I will eventually get feeling back. In the meantime, it is difficult to get a sense of the where my rocker is on my left foot considering I can't feel half of it. I used to just put weight on my pinky toe but now I can't feel my pinky toe so...you know, crap spins.
I felt adventurous enough to try jumping. Mostly, I just wanted to see if I was too scared to jump after the last time jumping left me with broken bones. I did a (very tiny) waltz jump. Guess what? I'm not too scared to jump :)
Overall, it was a good practice. I'm still testing the waters so to speak and there is still a lot of pain associated with the hardware but I know as soon as I get it out, I can start to really work on getting back to where I was. One nice thing that happened during practice: a little boy was skating near me and he fell. As is my custom, I skated up to him to ask if he was okay. He said yes and got up on his own. When he was fully upright he beamed at me and said "you skate really good" and then he was off. It meant the world to me knowing that I can still "skate really good" after all I've been through :)
Saturday, November 4, 2017
First time on ice....again
I feel like a beginner again. Today was my first time on ice for the third time. My first time on ice was as an adult beginner in Texas in 2005. My second first time on ice was back in March of this year when I started up again after a 10 year break. Today was my third first time on ice after a break of a different kind.
The fear of falling (and failing) was real, ya'll. I laced up my skates and stepped cautiously onto the ice. I clung to the railing at first and then let go to complete a lap of forward swizzles....tentatively. To say my left leg felt stiff is an understatement. But it didn't hurt. So, I moved on to some backward ccw half pumps in a circle. This is my good side so it felt fine. When I switched to my bad side (the cw backward half pumps) that's when the pain ensued. At first it was just sore and I thought "hey, this isn't supposed to feel awesome, just power through it." But then it started to hurt for real. I got off the ice, drank some water and had Dustin talk me off the ledge. I hated that the pain had me near tears. I needed to keep it together.
I got back on the ice to try some backwards crossovers in both directions. Again, the good side felt good but the bad side...well, we won't talk about the bad side. At this point it was excruciating. My left boot is putting a lot of pressure on the area where the plate and screws are and I just can't see how I'm supposed to continue with this hardware in. It's almost unbearable.
I spoke with my coach and we briefly discussed some alternatives such as adding some padding and that's cool and all but I think this is beyond adding padding. Right now, that part of my leg is bruised from the pressure of the boot. I feel like the only option is to have surgery to get the hardware out. I promised him I would try again but I'm not feeling confident that it will feel any better. As much as I don't want to have another surgery, I think getting the hardware out is the only option for me to fully recover from this injury.
But I will say this. I was BRAVE today! Everything in my brain said "the ice is dangerous, it will hurt you, stay away" but I refuse to give up on my passion. I will not let this be the end of my story. It's going to be a long and rough road to get back to where I was but it's a road I'm glad to travel down. I got this :)
The fear of falling (and failing) was real, ya'll. I laced up my skates and stepped cautiously onto the ice. I clung to the railing at first and then let go to complete a lap of forward swizzles....tentatively. To say my left leg felt stiff is an understatement. But it didn't hurt. So, I moved on to some backward ccw half pumps in a circle. This is my good side so it felt fine. When I switched to my bad side (the cw backward half pumps) that's when the pain ensued. At first it was just sore and I thought "hey, this isn't supposed to feel awesome, just power through it." But then it started to hurt for real. I got off the ice, drank some water and had Dustin talk me off the ledge. I hated that the pain had me near tears. I needed to keep it together.
I got back on the ice to try some backwards crossovers in both directions. Again, the good side felt good but the bad side...well, we won't talk about the bad side. At this point it was excruciating. My left boot is putting a lot of pressure on the area where the plate and screws are and I just can't see how I'm supposed to continue with this hardware in. It's almost unbearable.
I spoke with my coach and we briefly discussed some alternatives such as adding some padding and that's cool and all but I think this is beyond adding padding. Right now, that part of my leg is bruised from the pressure of the boot. I feel like the only option is to have surgery to get the hardware out. I promised him I would try again but I'm not feeling confident that it will feel any better. As much as I don't want to have another surgery, I think getting the hardware out is the only option for me to fully recover from this injury.
But I will say this. I was BRAVE today! Everything in my brain said "the ice is dangerous, it will hurt you, stay away" but I refuse to give up on my passion. I will not let this be the end of my story. It's going to be a long and rough road to get back to where I was but it's a road I'm glad to travel down. I got this :)
Monday, October 30, 2017
Eeep
First, I went to a Halloween Ice Show at the APEX Arena on Friday evening and it was great! I love how it's a smaller club and everyone was involved in the process. The skaters were a delight to watch!
Second, I was toying around with the idea of going to a public session on Sunday to try things out. I re-laced my skates and tried them on. The left skate went on smoothly enough even though it felt really tight (I still have some swelling) but when I stood up...ouch! I walked around the apartment with my skates on for about 15 minutes and the pain didn't seem to subside. I was expecting my ankle to hurt the most since I have two very long screws there and it's such a sensitive area being just skin and bone. But it wasn't my ankle that hurt, it was my fibula where they put the plate/screws in. It hurt enough that I decided not to get on the ice that day.
I'm going to try again this week. I knew there would be some pain, but geez, I wasn't expecting that much. It really made me fearful for getting on the ice. Now that it's becoming real and I've been given permission to skate again, I'm scared of re-injury. This is just as much a mental hurdle as it is a physical one.
Second, I was toying around with the idea of going to a public session on Sunday to try things out. I re-laced my skates and tried them on. The left skate went on smoothly enough even though it felt really tight (I still have some swelling) but when I stood up...ouch! I walked around the apartment with my skates on for about 15 minutes and the pain didn't seem to subside. I was expecting my ankle to hurt the most since I have two very long screws there and it's such a sensitive area being just skin and bone. But it wasn't my ankle that hurt, it was my fibula where they put the plate/screws in. It hurt enough that I decided not to get on the ice that day.
I'm going to try again this week. I knew there would be some pain, but geez, I wasn't expecting that much. It really made me fearful for getting on the ice. Now that it's becoming real and I've been given permission to skate again, I'm scared of re-injury. This is just as much a mental hurdle as it is a physical one.
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Final Update
17 weeks since the break - I went to my final orthopedist appointment today and I'm all healed! They took a final set of x-rays and everything has healed completely at this point. The doctor said "go skate."
He warned me that the hardware in my leg might start to bother me once I get on the ice due to how snug my skates fit. If this happens, he wants me to come in sooner rather than later to get it all taken out. He suggested November or December. With that surgery there will be a period of about 2-3 weeks where I'm in a soft cast or walking boot while it heals and then he said I'll need to do therapy that involves twisting action (like pirouettes) so that my bones know how to twist, I guess. Seems weird but he's the doc. I asked him if I should just leave the hardware in since it seems like my leg is now super reinforced and can't break again and he said that the bones are actually stronger than the hardware. The hardware just takes up space.
So here we are at the end of this broken leg journey. I'm excited to get back on the ice but I'm also pretty nervous. I know that first fall will be the scariest. I'm still not sure if my future in figure skating will contain jumps. My brain says "yay jumps!" but my body may say otherwise once I get on the ice.
I'm still planning on signing up for the advanced adult beginners class at APEX. I'll know for sure at the end of that if this whole skating thing is still a good idea. I really don't ever want to have to go through this ordeal again. It's not fun.
He warned me that the hardware in my leg might start to bother me once I get on the ice due to how snug my skates fit. If this happens, he wants me to come in sooner rather than later to get it all taken out. He suggested November or December. With that surgery there will be a period of about 2-3 weeks where I'm in a soft cast or walking boot while it heals and then he said I'll need to do therapy that involves twisting action (like pirouettes) so that my bones know how to twist, I guess. Seems weird but he's the doc. I asked him if I should just leave the hardware in since it seems like my leg is now super reinforced and can't break again and he said that the bones are actually stronger than the hardware. The hardware just takes up space.
So here we are at the end of this broken leg journey. I'm excited to get back on the ice but I'm also pretty nervous. I know that first fall will be the scariest. I'm still not sure if my future in figure skating will contain jumps. My brain says "yay jumps!" but my body may say otherwise once I get on the ice.
I'm still planning on signing up for the advanced adult beginners class at APEX. I'll know for sure at the end of that if this whole skating thing is still a good idea. I really don't ever want to have to go through this ordeal again. It's not fun.
Friday, October 13, 2017
The plan
15 Weeks since the Break - Although I'm still in pain (more sore than anything else, really), I'm making progress with the rehab. I'm able to balance for long periods on time on my left leg, do a small hop, and walk without a limp. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I think I'm ready to get back on the ice.
I'm not planning on picking up where I left off, obviously, and I'm not even sure how my mental state will be once I lace up and get on the ice so I don't want to get right back into lessons with Christopher quite yet. I'm afraid of wasting his time if I end up too scared (or in too much pain) to continue. My plan, therefore, is to enroll in an adult beginners class at another rink. I really just want to start from scratch and work on the basics of skating for now until I am comfortable enough to take lessons with Christopher.
This will force me to focus on things like getting my edges (and my confidence) back all while being in an environment where the expectations for progress are kind of low. Basically, they won't expect me to be jumping and spinning at a high level anyway so I don't have to worry about not being able to do that right now. And I can go at a sloooow pace.
Additionally, I cannot fathom getting on a freestyle session right now. I'm just not going to be able to dodge upper-level skaters who are trying to jump and spin all around me. If I start back with Christopher again, I will either need to take my lessons with him during a freestyle session or during a crowded public session at the Promenade. I'm just not ready for that yet.
A new adult beginners session starts at Apex on November 4th so that gives me another 4 weeks to continue with rehabbing my leg. The class is an advanced beginner class that will focus on Adult Basic 4-6. Nothing fancy. No commitment. No disappointment if I am not strong enough to continue. Before I register, I'm due to see the doctor again so I want him to be honest and tell me whether or not this is a good idea. As much as I think I'm ready to get back on the ice, I don't want to do it if the doc doesn't think I'm healed enough. If everything goes well with the adult session, then I will start back again with Christopher in January :)
I'm not planning on picking up where I left off, obviously, and I'm not even sure how my mental state will be once I lace up and get on the ice so I don't want to get right back into lessons with Christopher quite yet. I'm afraid of wasting his time if I end up too scared (or in too much pain) to continue. My plan, therefore, is to enroll in an adult beginners class at another rink. I really just want to start from scratch and work on the basics of skating for now until I am comfortable enough to take lessons with Christopher.
This will force me to focus on things like getting my edges (and my confidence) back all while being in an environment where the expectations for progress are kind of low. Basically, they won't expect me to be jumping and spinning at a high level anyway so I don't have to worry about not being able to do that right now. And I can go at a sloooow pace.
Additionally, I cannot fathom getting on a freestyle session right now. I'm just not going to be able to dodge upper-level skaters who are trying to jump and spin all around me. If I start back with Christopher again, I will either need to take my lessons with him during a freestyle session or during a crowded public session at the Promenade. I'm just not ready for that yet.
A new adult beginners session starts at Apex on November 4th so that gives me another 4 weeks to continue with rehabbing my leg. The class is an advanced beginner class that will focus on Adult Basic 4-6. Nothing fancy. No commitment. No disappointment if I am not strong enough to continue. Before I register, I'm due to see the doctor again so I want him to be honest and tell me whether or not this is a good idea. As much as I think I'm ready to get back on the ice, I don't want to do it if the doc doesn't think I'm healed enough. If everything goes well with the adult session, then I will start back again with Christopher in January :)
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