Fully Sequenced

Lesson today and I'm super glad I worked my ass off this weekend to get that step sequence down because today was all about the sequence!

But first....Power Pulls. They were pretty bad. Once I remembered to cross my foot in front, things got better and easier. They are still my least favorite move. 

Program - So, first he wanted to see me skate the choreography I have so far without the music. I fell on the first combo jump (to be fair, I hadn't warmed up my jumps yet as I was first lesson) but the rest was okay. I only fumbled through the toe steps but everything else looked pretty good. He actually said I made a lot of progress with it so yay! Practicing works! He gave me a little trick with the toe turns and it makes no sense to me why or how it works but it does! I was doing them with my arms in first position and my hands turned inward toward my chest but he had me turn my hands palms out. My turns instantly felt more secure and less scary. Like, that's some voodoo coach magic right there!

So, we added more to the sequence and added another jump (a loop jump). All I have now is another jump and one more spin and this program will be fully choreographed! Woot! 

We rounded out the lesson by working on the lutz jump. I'm putting on the brakes right before the jump (dragging my toepick. Bad) so I'm almost coming to a standstill when I pick in. It's gross looking so we worked on the backward glide into the jump and then we worked a bit on the picking in. This jump has such a long way to go but I want to keep it in the program. I have until September to "get good" and I think that is plenty of time to work on making this a bit more proper. 

I think once I get a handle on everything, this program is going to kick ass!

Fumbling through Footwork

 I was back at APEX this morning for my Saturday morning freestyle. Time to pick up the pieces and get this program back on track. My main focus today was to work on the Choreographic Step Sequence and that bloody lutz. 

Lutz - Ok, it's really scary going into this with top speed from the program. I have all of these powerful crossovers and extensions to get me to the other side of the rink for the lutz set-up and my speed is great. I'm making it to the other side. Yay! But, when I'm gliding back and getting ready to pick in for the Lutz, I hesitate big time! I'm just going in too quickly! And, yes, I know it's better to go into the Lutz with speed but damn. I'm just not there yet. I'll keep working on it though. Each time a little quicker until it's where I need it to be. 

Steps - Since I barely worked on the step sequence last week, I need to put in extra work this week. On the floor, I'm hitting everything just right with the music. It's awesome. On the ice, I'm a fumbling mess. I know all the steps and can do them just fine, but again, speed is the issue. This sequence is FAST and, well, I'm not...yet. The toe turns in particular are really slow. When I see more accomplished skaters do toe turns, they seem to lightly skip over the ice. Mine are still very clunky steps. Ooph. But, I think I was able to do the reverse Ina Bauer like Christopher wanted! I'll have him take a look but it seems okay. Overall, I feel like I can do this sequence without Christopher dumbing it down for me but it will take time to make it flow. The bones are there. It just needs to be fleshed out. And speed. It needs speed. 

Moves - I touched on moves but didn't spend too much time. I almost ate it on a FO 3 turn of all things but my back 3s were good. Spirals felt nice today too. 

Spins - Gross. Could not center a damn thing today. Actually, I'm going to blame the ice. I can never seem to center my spins at APEX but at the Y I can center almost every singe time. I'm pretty sure the ice at APEX is haunted or something. How else can you explain it?

Dinah

 Well, this has been a pretty rough weekend. On Friday, my husband and I said goodbye to our 17.5 year old kitty, Dinah. She's been sick for months and on Thursday I made the decision to stop her treatment and just focus on pain management to keep her comfortable. I didn't expect to have to say goodbye the very next day. I thought we had more time. I'm pretty much destroyed over this. 

I had ice time scheduled at 6:00am on Saturday morning at APEX and I obviously skipped that. I just wasn't able to function. Instead, my husband and I spent the day driving around aimlessly trying to distract ourselves and trying to stay out of the house that now feels so empty without her. 

I got myself together enough to go to the Y on Sunday for a practice. I had the whole ice to myself for the first hour which was a blessing and a curse. If I was sharing the ice, I think I would have been able to keep myself in check enough to not cry in front of everyone but, since I was there alone, there were a lot of "cry breaks" in between elements. It wasn't the most productive practice but I'm glad the ice was there for me when I needed it. Just being in a place that I love helped with grieving. 

I canceled my Monday Pilates but kept my lesson with Christopher. Life goes on...sorta. So today, when Christopher got on the ice and asked how I was holding up, I just said "we aren't going to talk about her. I just want to skate." I'm so happy that he understood and we got right to work. I knew that if I started crying, I may not be able to stop. Also, I just really didn't want to make a scene. Per my request, we spent the 40 minute lesson on just Silver MIF. I told him I can't process new choreography right now and I didn't really practice what he gave me last week because I've been a wreck. Besides, it's been a while since we looked at the whole Silver MIF test. 

Eight Step Mohawk - This wasn't a disaster but it's just not up to the level it needs to be to pass. Particularly, he wants me to make sure I get a really good cross on step #7. I'm crossing but it's a shallow cross. He would also like for me to emphasize the cadence. It's a bit too fluid but it really needs to have almost like a march cadence to it. 

Cross Strokes - Forward strokes are good but he would like for me to keep my feet closer together on the backward strokes. He says I'm reaching too far back behind me and when that happens it's not so much a stroke as it is a step. 

FO-BI 3 Turns - Oh, he got real picky with these. I'm not complaining. That's why he's there. It's just that I feel these will never be perfect. I'm either turning slightly too early or slightly too late but never just right. So yeah, it's not that the turns themselves need work, just the timing and placement of them. 

FI-BO 3 Turns - see above. 

Spirals - Oh hey! He liked these! However, they need a bit more fine tuning. He said he would give me a +2 on the outside spirals and a 0 on the inside. That's still above passing but it would be nice to get the inside spirals up to the same level as the outside spirals. My leg is way up there though so the stretching and Pilates has been helping! Yay! Also, he would like for me to do a very brief two-foot glide between lobes. I was doing a tiny little swing roll with my free leg before stepping onto a new lobe. Pretty, but not "test standard."

Power Pulls - These were okay for once. 

At the end of everything, he asked what I thought my weakest move was. I said Power Pulls, he said Mohawks. So he had me reskate the Mohawks and I did them really well. In fact, he said that was the best he has seen me do them ever! He said that would be passing. So, overall, I think my suspicions of this test being almost ready are accurate. There is a test session in August and I think I might go for it. That gives me plenty of time to clean some things up. 

At the end of my lesson, he said "good job" and I said "yay, I didn't cry!" This is going to hurt for a long time. Dinah was with me for pretty much my entire adult life. She made me a better person and no matter where I was in life, she was always "home" to me. I always told her "I'd be lost without you" and I'm feeling the accuracy of that statement now. Everything feels empty and quiet without her. She was my whole world. Rest in peace, Dinah Mouse (2003-2021)

"It's gonna be bad until it isn't"

 Lesson today and we got the choreographic step sequence figured out so I guess the program is about 70% complete? We just need two more single jumps and the final spin. 

Program Run Through - Before we got to work on the sequence, he wanted to see the program so far so he put the music on and I skated it. I'm really glad I practiced so hard over the weekend because he seemed mostly pleased with it so far. I still just need a bit more speed going into the Lutz combo and he told me not to be so soft with my arms going into the first spin. It was a little too sweet and pretty. 

Step Sequence - This was rough. He asked if I could do a Tango stop and a reverse Ina Bauer. Ok, so I've messed around with a Tango stop before but admittedly, I haven't dedicated much time to it so it's garbage right now. We worked on it a bit and I just wasn't getting it. I expressed my frustration and said it was awful. His response: "It's gonna be bad until it isn't." I mean, he's not wrong. Most everything I do is bad...until it isn't, lol. Moving on to the reverse Ina Bauer. I'm still not really sure how this works but I do know that my brain exploded around this point in our lesson. At some point while he was talking I did one but I didn't mean to do it. It just happened and he was like "Yes! That! Do that again" and I couldn't because I don't even know what I did. Ugh. Bodies are dumb. Finally, I told him that while I love a challenge, these things are just a bit too advanced for my level right now. Push me and give me new stuff but when it's too far above my level, it's just going to make me feel inadequate and frustrated. Later in the lesson, I told him that I really just don't want to let him down. I don't want him to think I'm one of those "I can't" skaters but I need baby steps to the more difficult stuff. I've made a lot of progress lately, but I'm just not there yet. I know I should look at it like a compliment. He wouldn't show me the hard stuff if he didn't think I was capable but I still need gradual changes instead of all at once. 

Ok, bitching aside, we actually ended up with a kickass step sequence. It's FAST though! It's go go go and there is no room for error. I have to be super dramatic since this part of the music is explosive so I need to have expression and sass for days! He didn't let me off the hook with the stops and Inas because I have a really dramatic backward one-foot stop and a twizzle-toe steps-Ina Bauer thing. But it's just a regular Ina, none of this fancy reverse Ina Bauer stuff. 

At one point during the lesson, I said "you're killin' me!" His response: "that's the goal."

Yikes. 

Solo Ice!

 I skated my double session at the Y and for the first 45 minutes I shared the ice with two other people but for the remaining hour and 15 minutes, I had the whole rink to myself! NICE!

Moves - Since I had the ice to myself I did two full run throughs of my Silver MIF as if it were test day. My first test was okay but I had a foot down on one side of my FI-BO 3 turns. I allowed myself a re-skate and again put a foot down. So I "failed" my test. I got some water and relaxed and then did it all over again. Not a single foot down on the 3 turns and everything else was decent as far as I could tell. I "passed" myself! So, here's the thing - if I can run an entire test at a passable level now, I'm pretty sure I will be in good shape come October. For the first time since starting to work on Silver MIF a year and a half ago, I actually feel maybe confident that I can pass this thing! At the very least, I'm close. I feel it. I can smell it!

Dance - Yes, I'm still working on these even though I don't post about it often. Since I had a clear rink, I ran all three Pre-Bronze dances with the music and then ran all three Preliminary dances so I don't forget them. It was fun and I didn't struggle too hard on the end pattern of the Fiesta Tango. I think I might be able to test these this year as well!

Program - After practicing jumps and spins for a bit I started work on my program. My spins were hella centered today! They felt awesome! It's weird how I always skate better at the Y. There is something about this rink that makes me feel confident. I ran my program several times. Actually, probably more than several. I think I spent the last 20 minutes just on my program. I'm getting better with the speed overall but I'm still struggling with that double 3 turn entry into the first combo spin. I'm going to have words with Christopher about this tomorrow. There is plenty in this program that is new and challenging so I don't feel guilty shelving the double 3s for now. Maybe in exchange, I can do a backward 3 turn into my loop jump somewhere. It's a fair trade, I think. 

So yeah, I skated a whole 2 hours today and I'm pooped. I hope the progress I made today shows up for my lesson tomorrow. 

Frustration

Today was nice at APEX! There was only myself and another adult skater there and the ice was really nice and smooth!

Movez - I ran through everything at least once. I didn't get the nice rips that I usually get when I do my forward cross strokes so I was a bit disappointed in that but, overall, everything was decent. I ran the entire test and things are looking okay. I was super excited to run the whole pattern of FO-BI 3 turns without a foot down (woot!) but then I ran the FI-BO turns and had a foot down on each side. I allowed myself a re-skate of that pattern but still had a foot down. As disappointing as that was, I have to say that it's still more consistent than it has been. The other icky move was the Eight Step Mohawk. It's still kind of choppy and I'm having a difficult time with placement. My bad side has the crappy mohawks but at least I'm coming back to center where I should. The good side has the better mohawks but I'm slightly off center when I come back around. It still needs some more time to cook. But, I feel like with all of the hard work I've been putting in lately, my Silver MIF should be "testable" by the end of the year. I would like to try testing in October maybe. If I don't pass, I can always try again at the next test session in December. Honestly, I'm not expecting to pass on the first try. It's a difficult test and better skaters than me have had to retry a couple of times before passing. I want to get it out there, though. Just to get rid of those first time jitters. Maybe I'll surprise myself and actually pass. Wouldn't that be something!

Jumpz & Spinz - I ran through all of the jumpy and spinny elements that are in my program and ugh. Today was a bad spin day. Actually, it was a bad jump day too. No height on my jumps and my spins wouldn't center. I only had one really nice camel-sit combo that was perfectly centered but I wasn't able to repeat it. We won't even talk about the laybacks.

Programz - I didn't run it with the music because I wanted to slooooow everything down to make sure I didn't miss anything or rush through any elements that shouldn't be rushed. The salchow-loop-toe loop was fine but the lutz-toe loop was not. The footwork coming out of the first jump combo was okay and I was able to get to the other side of the rink for the lutz combo quickly enough but then I ruined it with a flutz-toe waltz. Gross. Also! I'm having a lot of fear issues on the double three turn entry into the first spin combo. If I isolate the double three, I can muddle my way through it. But at speed? Not at all. I practiced it a bit at the boards and it was fine but out on open ice I just...can't. It's pretty frustrating. 

Tomorrow is my double session at the Y and I always seem to skate really well there. Maybe I'll have a breakthrough!

Choreography Day 2: 50% Complete

 Oh man. My coach is a saint for putting up with me. It takes me so long to understand choreography! When he says left, I go right. When he says mohawk, I do a 3 turn. Ugh. But regardless of the struggle, we are now officially halfway done with choreography! What we have so far is the intro, opening jump combo, second jump combo, first spin, and a bunch of steps, turns, and fancy stuff in between! I will say this - if I can pull this program off, it's going to be so kickass! It helps that Christopher is really digging the music himself because he's giving me such fun choreography to go with it. Hard choreography, but fun! 

We started the lesson with a recap of what I already have. I skated it to the music and he liked it! Yay for working hard to get it decent over the weekend! So, then he said he wants me to somehow get to the lutz corner on the other side of the rink to set up for the lutz-toe loop combo. This is where my brain exploded. It's always the simplest choreography that is the hardest for me to comprehend. There's a fancy 3 turn followed by a cross behind step into a mohawk and then some fancy back crossovers and extensions leading up to the lutz prep. I just could.not.even! He pretty much spent the entire lesson on just this! The thing is that I have to skate with real power here or else I won't make it to where I need to be. In total, there are only three back crossovers to get from one end of the rink to the other. It's insane. 

Coming out of the lutz combo, I do some fancy arms into a dramatic (albeit short) inside spread eagle, push under, double 3 turn into a wind-up for my camel-sit spin. I've never done a double 3 turn before. Yikes! So, it's a RBI immediately followed by RFO. It almost looks like a slow twizzle. Tricky. 

Also, he's trying to get me to be less "Ballet Mandi" and more "Badass Mandi." This music is powerful and strong and the pretty arms that I typically skate with could potentially soften the drama a bit. For four years, he has worked with me to have pretty arms (my husband and I call them "Christopher arms" because all of his students have the same really pretty arm movements and carriage) and now I have to rewire my brain to be a bit more sharp with my movements. 

So far, everything in this program is challenging for me, which I know is the point. If he packs my program with stuff I already know how to do, what's the challenge in that? I won't grow as a skater. So, I'm hoping that, by the end of this season, I will have strength and power and be a bit more diverse in terms of expression. But I have a lot of work to get there. So much work!

Sliding into the weekend like...

 I skated at APEX this morning and tried to touch on everything. However, when I got back in the car after practice I realized I practiced all of my jumps except the damn lutz. Like, that's the one that needs the most work and I just...forgot it. Sigh. 

Movez - Well, they are are still moves. Everything felt kind of slow today, though. Especially the backward 3 turns. I need to push more. The forward Power Pulls are still swervy and the backward cross strokes are still steppy. Everything was just okay. I really wish I could graduate from "just okay" to "Hmmm, not bad actually!"

Spinz - Gonna need a passport for all the traveling I've been doing lately. 

Jumpz - I was able to get a bit more consistency on the salchow-loop-toe loop. The trick, apparently, is to go in with a lot of speed which is not how I've been practicing it but actually how it needs to be for the program. It kind of feels like I'm going to die but I'm landing it. 

Elementz - I worked a bit on the spiral sequence that Christopher and I talked about possibly putting in the new program (right leg backward spiral, step forward to left leg forward spiral, grab free leg for catch foot spiral) and the first one I did, I caught my toepick on the catch foot spiral and went down. It wasn't a hard fall but I slid....forever. But, like, the ice was really smooth and it was actually kinda fun? Obviously, this needs work. 

Programz - I only have the first 30 seconds of choreography so I could only work on that but I think I was able to get a little more speed so that's progress.