Dinah

 Well, this has been a pretty rough weekend. On Friday, my husband and I said goodbye to our 17.5 year old kitty, Dinah. She's been sick for months and on Thursday I made the decision to stop her treatment and just focus on pain management to keep her comfortable. I didn't expect to have to say goodbye the very next day. I thought we had more time. I'm pretty much destroyed over this. 

I had ice time scheduled at 6:00am on Saturday morning at APEX and I obviously skipped that. I just wasn't able to function. Instead, my husband and I spent the day driving around aimlessly trying to distract ourselves and trying to stay out of the house that now feels so empty without her. 

I got myself together enough to go to the Y on Sunday for a practice. I had the whole ice to myself for the first hour which was a blessing and a curse. If I was sharing the ice, I think I would have been able to keep myself in check enough to not cry in front of everyone but, since I was there alone, there were a lot of "cry breaks" in between elements. It wasn't the most productive practice but I'm glad the ice was there for me when I needed it. Just being in a place that I love helped with grieving. 

I canceled my Monday Pilates but kept my lesson with Christopher. Life goes on...sorta. So today, when Christopher got on the ice and asked how I was holding up, I just said "we aren't going to talk about her. I just want to skate." I'm so happy that he understood and we got right to work. I knew that if I started crying, I may not be able to stop. Also, I just really didn't want to make a scene. Per my request, we spent the 40 minute lesson on just Silver MIF. I told him I can't process new choreography right now and I didn't really practice what he gave me last week because I've been a wreck. Besides, it's been a while since we looked at the whole Silver MIF test. 

Eight Step Mohawk - This wasn't a disaster but it's just not up to the level it needs to be to pass. Particularly, he wants me to make sure I get a really good cross on step #7. I'm crossing but it's a shallow cross. He would also like for me to emphasize the cadence. It's a bit too fluid but it really needs to have almost like a march cadence to it. 

Cross Strokes - Forward strokes are good but he would like for me to keep my feet closer together on the backward strokes. He says I'm reaching too far back behind me and when that happens it's not so much a stroke as it is a step. 

FO-BI 3 Turns - Oh, he got real picky with these. I'm not complaining. That's why he's there. It's just that I feel these will never be perfect. I'm either turning slightly too early or slightly too late but never just right. So yeah, it's not that the turns themselves need work, just the timing and placement of them. 

FI-BO 3 Turns - see above. 

Spirals - Oh hey! He liked these! However, they need a bit more fine tuning. He said he would give me a +2 on the outside spirals and a 0 on the inside. That's still above passing but it would be nice to get the inside spirals up to the same level as the outside spirals. My leg is way up there though so the stretching and Pilates has been helping! Yay! Also, he would like for me to do a very brief two-foot glide between lobes. I was doing a tiny little swing roll with my free leg before stepping onto a new lobe. Pretty, but not "test standard."

Power Pulls - These were okay for once. 

At the end of everything, he asked what I thought my weakest move was. I said Power Pulls, he said Mohawks. So he had me reskate the Mohawks and I did them really well. In fact, he said that was the best he has seen me do them ever! He said that would be passing. So, overall, I think my suspicions of this test being almost ready are accurate. There is a test session in August and I think I might go for it. That gives me plenty of time to clean some things up. 

At the end of my lesson, he said "good job" and I said "yay, I didn't cry!" This is going to hurt for a long time. Dinah was with me for pretty much my entire adult life. She made me a better person and no matter where I was in life, she was always "home" to me. I always told her "I'd be lost without you" and I'm feeling the accuracy of that statement now. Everything feels empty and quiet without her. She was my whole world. Rest in peace, Dinah Mouse (2003-2021)