Skating Goals for 2019

It's going to be 2019 soon so I wanted to recap the year, check up on goals, and set some new ones for the new year. This year had ups and downs but overall I think I came out on top. Earlier today, I was thinking about how much work I put in this year to recover. It's been 11 months since I made my official return to the ice (this is "official" because it includes lessons and contract ice rather than just the "feeling things out" public sessions I was going to). I've come a long way and I'm SUPER proud of myself! I got a lot done in those 11 months and, to be honest, I think I'm a much better skater now than I was before I broke my leg. Of course, it helps that I have a very patient coach and a husband who supports me in all ways (including driving to the rink to bring me pants when I rip a hole in the crotch of my other ones!).

So, let's talk about my 2018 goals before I start yapping about new ones. I had two official goals and one bonus goal. The first goal was to test my Pre-Bronze MIF and Free Skate. I tested in May and, although there were hiccups and I was hella nervous, I passed and it was a great learning experience. This particular goal is much older, though. I actually set this goal in 2005 when I first started skating down in Texas. Something always came up (moving to Colorado, new job, new rink) and then I left skating for a bit to finish school. So, this was something that I really felt was unfinished business. I really wanted to get it out of the way so I could finally move forward. The second goal was to start learning Bronze MIF (at the time, I was still unsure whether or not jumping would be in my future so I left the Bronze Free Skate out). This goal was also accomplished. I have been devoting about half of my ice time to Bronze moves and I think they are almost testable. My bonus goal was to possibly learn the first three ice dances (again, I didn't think jumping was in my future so I was thinking of a back up plan). I didn't even touch this one because obviously, I'm a freestyle skater at heart and I need to JUMP! So, overall, a success in term of goals achieved! YAY! That brings us to...

Skating Goals for 2019!

Goal 1: Pass Bronze MIF and Free Skate - I'm not really sure when in 2019 I'll do this but it will more than likely be after Midwestern Sectionals in March. Maybe May maybe June but it will get done before the summer is finished.

Goal 2: Start preparing for Silver MIF and Free Skate - Silver Moves is going to be rough so I know this is going to take a while. That's why I'm just leaving it as a learning goal that will be ongoing and not a goal that I plan to finish in a set time frame.

Goal 3: Compete - I would like to skate in at least two but maybe three competitions in 2019. I already know I'll be at Sectionals and I'll probably do the Colorado Springs Invitational again but my dress is so pretty and I'm working so hard on this program that I feel like I owe it to my coach (and Brad Griffies) to showcase "Rey's Theme" quite a bit this year. Please note that this goal says nothing about winning. I'm not competing to win (although winning is nice when it happens). I just want to skate my best and be proud of what I'm able to do. :)

Fitness Goal - Yeah, I'm adding a fitness goal in here as well! My flexibility typically sucks but over the past few months I've seen actual improvements with my skating due to all of the stretching I've been doing. I'm more confident on the ice, falls hurt less, and skills are easier. So, I'm going to take it a step further and continue the stretching until I have achieved full splits (forward and straddle). Ugh, my thighs hurt just thinking about it!

Anyway, Happy New Year to all two of you who read this blog, lol :)

Done!

I haven't been updating lately but I've actually been spending quite a bit of time on the ice. I'm on vacation from work for the next two weeks which means I have free time in the middle of the day so I can actually skate on some of those mid-afternoon adult freestyle sessions. It's nice skating with people my own age. I miss adult sessions.

I've been working hard trying to get this program up to speed. I have all of the elements and my spins have improved a bit but now I have the issue of keeping up with the music. I ran the whole thing the other day with the music and I struggled to keep up. I think I just need to gain some confidence. With confidence comes speed! Right? RIGHT??!!!

Lessonz - Lesson today and our goal was to finish up the choreography. We got the footwork sequence, final jump (toe loop), and final spin (attitude)! Good thing I've been practicing my twizzles because he threw a 1 1/2 rotation RFI twizzle in there. Up to this point, I've just been practicing the 1 rotation twizzle so it took me a while after our lesson to add that extra half rotation in. But I did! And it's fun! So the footwork sequence is lovely and includes chasses, swingrolls, mohawk-crossover, ballet jump, a twizzle, and a neat backward glide pseudo-hydroblade looking move. Final toe loop, final spin, a lunge, and ending position and WE'RE DONE! Now I just have to practice the hell out of this. I've got 10 weeks and it's all starting to feel pretty real.

Dressz - On Christmas Eve, my Brad Griffies dress was delivered to my door step! It's here and it fits perfectly! Now I just need to order all of the crystals and get it stoned :)

Spinny the Pooh and Eeyore thoughts

No amount of coffee can make getting up this early okay. Ever. I really wish there were adult only freestyle sessions during the evening hours when us regular folk get off work. I will never stop complaining about skating this early. It's pretty awful. I'm so not a morning person. Blegh.

Movez - I did the things and they were alright. My BX-BO Edges were particularly good today as was my Circle 8. What didn't feel so awesome is my bad side on the Power 3-Turns. They felt overly twisty and I was scared I was going to twist an ankle or something. The good side doesn't feel this way. I'm sure the answer to this is to work on it more. Nobody ever likes to work on their bad side and I am no exception. I need to change that. Five Step Mohawks and Power Stroking felt okay too.

Spinz - My spins were really nice today! My first spin right out the gate was perfectly centered so I did another that was also centered. I made a mental note to myself that today must be a good spin day and to take advantage of this rare moment. So I did a lot of sit spins and even tried some camel spins. Lately, I've been feeling really good about my sit spins so I decided to record myself to see how much progress I've made and I was so disappointed when I played it back and it actually wasn't as low as I thought. I guess the good feeling isn't so much that I'm getting lower but that I'm just getting more comfortable doing it. I guess that's a sliver of success and I should be just be happy with that...but I'm not. Sigh.

Jumpz - I ran through all of my program jumps in isolation and then worked a bit on the stag jump and getting the landing correct before I worked on the program. I think I have the gist of it now. Doing them at home on the floor helps. I've discovered that if I focus on my arms rather than my legs I can eek out a decent stag jump (odd, I know). I really wish they were more dramatic though, but maybe that just comes with time.

Programz - Again with the chunks. I don't think I have actually run the whole thing in its entirety yet and that has me worried. I'm just having a hard time connecting things. Like, I have the choreography down so I know what comes next but just can't run the whole thing without needing to stop to fix major problems. There is so much packed into this program and I'm worried about speed, elements, grace, and strength and my poor anxious brain is feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I'm waiting for that moment where everything just "clicks" and I can blast through this with confidence. Until then, I'll just keep plugging away at it.

I just read all of this back and this whole post just feels kind of depressing. I'm sorry about that. Maybe I'm just frustrated. We all have good days and bad days and I suppose today is somewhere in between. It's just kind of meh. It's all going to get better though. I know it will! This is part of the learning process. But, let me leave on a high note. My leg didn't hurt too much today even with the stags and the sits. My edges feel more secure and I'm confident enough to skate with a bit more speed. Progress is being made! I guess sometimes I need to reflect back on how far I've come rather than obsess about how far I have yet to go.

Saturday Freestyle Madness

No lesson today but that allowed me some time to focus on improving program elements and getting faster. Saturday morning freestyle sessions have become a bit more crowded but I was still able to make things work. Nothing special to report back on except that my sit spins have been feeling better and better each time I practice. I hope that lasts! I also worked on scratch spins because I'm assuming that will be my final spin once the choreography is finished.

Sectionalz - The announcement for sectionals is finally up which means I can now register for the competition! I'll wait until after the holidays, though, because Christmas is eating up a lot of my monies. Aghghg.....but this is exciting! I just hope I can get this program up to snuff in time. I've got like, what? Two and a half more months? That's really not a lot of time!

Testingz - I know I said I wouldn't ever do this again because it was very stressful last time but I'm seriously considering taking both my Bronze MIF and Free Skate tests on the same day. It just makes sense in terms of scheduling. Tests are always on a Friday and, if I take both on the same day, then I only need one day off of work instead of two. Considering this, maybe I'll take my tests during the May test session instead of taking the MIF in February and the Free Skate in May. As an additional bonus, I'll be done with sectionals so I will have already skated my Star Wars program in front of an audience and I'll still have time to work out any kinks, if necessary, to make it test worthy. And then I think I'll stay in Bronze for a while. I feel like Silver MIF is going to be the death of me so I'm in no rush to go there yet and I'll probably need a couple of years to get it good enough for testing. I don't think I'll feel like a "real" figure skater until I pass Silver because it's a tough test. So, yeah, I'm okay spending as much time as I need to make sure I pass it on the first try.

Earn that Latte!

I pretty much always treat myself to Starbucks after my Tuesday morning practices but I told myself today that I would upgrade to a triple venti instead of my usual grande if I did especially well. I feel like I earned it! I worked hard today! Plus getting out of bed was half the battle. I was really cozy and could have lived there for awhile if given the chance. That alone deserves a reward.

Movez - I ran through the whole thing today and then spent some time doing a couple of the patterns over again because I didn't like the way they felt the first time. Perimeter Stroking felt awesome! I feel like it had flow and a smidge more power than I usually have. Neat! Power Three Turns felt pretty good as well, I was a little toe heavy on these this morning so there was some scratching but overall they felt controlled and smooth. I did the BX-BO Edges twice because I didn't feel stable the first time through. This isn't usually an issue and I'm not sure why it was today but the second go around was better so maybe it was a fluke. Circle 8 was also done twice, not because I wanted a do-over but because it felt so good that I wanted to do it again. Just a few months ago I was lamenting that I would never be able to do this move with my bum ankle and now look, I'm doing it twice FOR FUNSIES! Progress! Finally, the Five Step Mohawks got done twice because they didn't feel as clean as they usually are. These were just okay today, but not bad :)

Spinz & Jumpz - I spent just a few minutes running through my program jumps and spins before working on the thing as a whole. Yep, flip is still MIA. Ridiculous. Loop-loops were okay but I wish I had a little more power on the second loop. I did some waltz jumps, half flips, toe loops, salchows, and stag jumps to round it out before moving on to spins. Ok, the stag jump was a mess today. The takeoff and midair positions are fine but for some reason my body wants to keep landing this on the wrong foot. So frustrating. When I'm practicing these at home on the floor, this isn't a problem. I'm landing on the left foot every time. But once I take it to the ice, my brain goes full on derp-mode. I'll just keep plugging away at it. It's still new. Moving on to spins, I had a couple that were perfectly centered for once. I was so excited I wanted to take a picture of the tracings but didn't feel like getting my phone. So I gazed in admiration for a second then moved on. I had one really good sit spin that was right on the rocker and felt effortless. I even felt like I got down farther in position too!

Programz - I took it in chunks so I could focus on one section at a time.  The good news is that I didn't have to stop at any point to remember what comes next. Yay for memory! I did things pretty slowly to make sure I was getting everything the way it's supposed to be. The Ina Bauer into the sit spin actually worked today! I did it a few times because it's fun! The bad news is that I didn't run my program with the music because the other skaters were rehearsing for the Christmas show that's happening this Friday. My program can wait and they looked too cute to interrupt.

Hello, Ina!

Lesson today! I think we are now over the halfway mark in terms of the amount of choreography we have so I'm feeling pretty good. We still need the footwork sequence, one more jump, and another spin. I'm hoping during our next lesson we can get that last remaining bit done because then the Christmas drop-in schedule starts and I'm not sure when we'll be able to have a lesson. Stupid holidays ruining my routines :)

Lessonz - Okay, so we started with a review of what we already have and he filled in some of the gaps in my memory from the week previous. I felt super accomplished when he said "I can already tell you are skating faster." Yay! I have exceeded "adult speed"! It's actually noticeable! That was one of the reasons why I considered this piece in the first place. I really wanted something that would force me to skate a little more aggressively. I have a tendency to play it safe since I'm so scared of getting injured again so it's nice to have something that pushes me out of my comfort zone. Moving on, he added the next little bit of choreography and this part has some new and interesting elements for me, namely an Ina Bauer into a sit spin and a stag jump strategically placed right in front of the judges stand! My first two attempts at the Ina were laughable at best but my third one looked almost recognizable. I'll keep working on it as it's something that I've always wanted to learn and, done effectively, can be really beautiful. With the stag jump, I landed a few on the wrong leg for some reason but then I had a couple that were okay. Again, something to work on especially if it's a "statement" element right in front of the judges. The last thing I want to do is showcase a mistake right in their laps!

Since memory is an issue with me, I went home and right away wrote everything I could remember down on a note pad. I also ran it on the floor a bunch of times to make sure I don't need to stop and think about what comes next. The goal is to get my memory solid enough so I can focus less on the order of things and more on the performance of the program. This program is pushing me waaaay beyond my limits but I love how it's challenging me. I know that Christopher wouldn't include anything that he doesn't think I'm ready for so I have to remember to be confident and trust my abilities. May the force be with me :)

Big Bite, Can't Chew

So, yeah, I feel like I bit off more than I can chew with this program. I feel like we are including all of these great elements but I'm not skilled enough to make them happen. Also, I'm having a difficult time remembering most of the stuff Christopher showed me on Saturday. Like, I know how to get from point A to point B and then to C, but all of the little in between nuances are gone. And I'm SLOW. Like sloth slow! I feel like I spent half of my practice this morning thinking rather than skating. Why am I so terrible at remembering all of those little steps in between?

Movez - It wasn't all bad, though. I spent 30 minutes just on moves and they all felt pretty comfortable. I think at this point I really just need to focus more on power and flow, especially on the moves that call for it. I am no longer worried about the Circle 8. It is consistently good and holding that LFO edge is easy now. I did a couple in the beginning of the session to get them out of the way because I don't want to use the center circle later in the session when people need it for spinning. Power Perimeter Stroking felt better with the adjustments Christopher made. Power Three Turns actually felt okay today, especially on my good side but I still need to make the end pattern look more deliberate. BX-BO Edges felt nice and Five Step Mohawks felt pretty good. So yeah, Bronze moves are alright.

Spinz - I worked on them. Nothing terribly earth shattering in terms of progress but they happened.

Footworkz - I don't have a choreographed footwork sequence for the program yet but he did give me some things to work on (twizzles, alternating mohawk crossovers, and chained 3-turns) so I basically just spent some time combining those all at once to create a simple footwork sequence to get a general feel for what it will be like. It wasn't awful.

Jumpz - I did a few of the jumps I already know how to do but I spent the majority of the time working on the salchow from a mohawk entry and, of course, the flip jump. Here is where I really felt incapable. My flip jump has left me once again. I was having such a good practice up until this point and then I started working on this stuff and I felt like a beginner again. How am I supposed to get this together in time for March?

25% Complete

Yeah, that's about as much of the choreography as we were able to get done for our lesson. It felt like way more than that but, when I got home and ran it all with the music on the floor, I realized that we actually didn't get as far as I thought. Part of this is my inability to pick up choreography quickly (because I'm still a noob!). I will say that what we have so far is super pretty and I'm really lucky to have a coach who is also trained in dance because it shows. It flows yet it's strong like the music. I'm super excited!

First of all, I was really distracted during our lesson because I was sharing the ice with a senior level skater from China and his coach (both of whom I've seen on TV but I can't tell you their names or which competitions I've seen the skater perform in). I just wanted to watch but there was work to be done.

Lessonz: It was all about the choreography, of course! We spent some time talking about which jumps might be included and so far we have:

• Loop-Loop combo
• Single Salchow
• Waltz-Falling Leaf-Half Flip Sequence
• Single Toe Loop 
• Stag Jump and Ballet Jump (these are not counted as official jumps)

For spins, we decided on a sit spin for sure (gotta get that up to snuff) and either a scratch spin or attitude. We spent some time getting the opening to the program sorted out. He spaced things out more so that my opening jump sequence is a little later than I originally thought it would be. He also changed the spiral sequence to just one RFO spiral for timing. In addition, looks like I'll be doing the salchow right after the spiral so, if I remember this correctly, I should be doing the RFO spiral to the lutz corner, swing roll and mohawk into the salchow. This is the same transition that was from the pre-bronze crossover moves in the field but adding a salchow to it is tricky. I've actually only ever done a salchow from an LFO three turn so when I tried it from a mohawk later in the practice, I couldn't do it. Needless to say, that's going to be something that I'll be spending time practicing on Tuesday. There were many other bits of choreography that he showed me that looked lovely when he did it but I just couldn't make it work when I tried. This is going to be a tough program but if I can work on some of these things and get them right, it's going to kick ass :) 

Crisis Averted

Ok, first off, the music time limit crisis is over. I have a new cut of the music that brings it down to less than the 1:40 limit so yay! My coach assured me that we will be fine :)

Second, I emailed Brad Griffies asking him which color crystals would work best with the new dress. I really didn't expect an answer but he wrote me back! Neat! So now I have some expert opinions about stoning the new dress once it gets here (the ship date is December 21st). His first suggestion is that, if I really want the sparkle, I should go with the classic crystal AB. However, for a more subtle sparkle (which is what I really want) he likes to use jet hematite on the black fabric and either a black diamond or a crystal silver night on the steel fabric. I'm glad he said this because that confirms what I was thinking in the first place so that is probably what I'll go with then. He also suggested that, once the dress arrives, I can go to a craft store like Michael's and I can buy some small packs of Swarovskis in these colors and place them on the dress to see what looks best before I commit to ordering 6 gross of stones just to discover that I don't like the way it looks. That's a good idea. Ugh, let's just hope I don't screw it all up. That would be a very expensive mistake.

Third, I went to APEX last night for some practice but it was super busy. Really, it was difficult to get anything done. I figured it would be busy (it usually always is) but I thought I would at least have room to work on small jumps from a stand-still or some spins. Alas, that was not the case. I ended up staying 45 minutes and didn't really have any victories in terms of progress. One thing that I have noticed lately is, since I've started practicing the flip jump in a small area and really slow, the fear is virtually gone now. However, I guess it's a give and take type thing because now my problem is the technique is way worse. I'm spending way too much time turning on the launching toepick and not enough time actually in the air. It's a garbage jump now but at least I'm not scared. I feel like I will never get this together properly.

Morning Panic

We started our Winter Contract this morning and I'm pretty much on the same schedule as the Fall Contract (Tuesday and Saturday mornings). It was a productive practice and I was able to improve the opening to the new program. I've decided that the three jump sequence (toe loop-side toe hop-waltz jump) will work best with the music and I can get there from the opening steps with just one forward cross roll! So, now I have a pretty solid opening to my program that I'm excited to show to Christopher on Saturday. Hopefully he's on board.

I also ran some field moves, spirals, miscellaneous jumps including the flip, and one (just one) spin. I simply ran out of time to mess with spins today and I'm regretting not managing my time on the ice better. Alas.

On the way home from the rink, I was at a red light thinking about how awesome this program is going to be when it hit me! Holy S&it...Christopher cut this music using the Bronze free skate time limit of 1:50. When I skate this at sectionals at the pre-bronze level with a 1:40 time limit, I'm going to get a deduction from the judges for going over the time limit!!!! ARGHGHGHGH! (*cue panic*)

So, my options are:

1). Panic and flail (the easiest of the options but not the most productive)

2). Skate the Geisha program for sectionals while still working on the Star Wars program for a later date (maybe)

3). "Move up" to Bronze for sectionals but then I will also have to skate Bronze compulsories and I just can't even (but hello extra move up points!)

4). Have the music re-cut or sped up slightly (it's only 2 seconds over).

So much anxiety about this now!

Loop-loop combo progress

The Birth of a Program

Ok, first, Happy post-Thanksgiving! We are in between contracts and there was a week of holiday drop-ins which really limited my ice time so practicing was scarce. Oh yeah, and then add in the week when I was dying of plague and I was really a hot mess on the ice on Wednesday for our lesson. To be expected, I suppose.

Lessonz: We scheduled our lesson this past Wednesday (the day before turkeyz) because the rink was closed over the weekend for the holiday. I know he had to squeeze several of us in on this one session so I wasn't sure where in that hour I would get to work with him. Since I was the first to arrive, I was the first up. Needless to say, I got one lap of warm-up and then we got right to work. Since I was using it as a warm-up, we started with the power perimeter stroking. He fixed my arms going forward and wants me to do a more deliberate under-push on the back strokes. Otherwise, I think they might be in okay shape. I feel like I get good flow with these so now I just need to work on the technical details. Next up were my power 3-turns. It was a really busy session so I had to break the pattern a few times but I think they might be okay as well (at least I can't remember anything that he said that required major fixing on my part). That took up half of our lesson and we still needed to get started on the beginnings of the Star Wars program. He finally sent me a cut of the music a couple of days prior to our lesson and holy smokes, it's speedy! I mean, it all sounds like fun in your head and then you hear it over the speakers in the rink and it's like "oh yeah, I need to, like, actually skate to this now!" Yikes! Time was limited so we didn't get too much done but we were able to work out some kinks with the spiral sequence and choreograph the first 15 seconds. Thankfully, he was amenable to me recording him doing the opening moves so I was able to study it and practice at home in my living room over the holiday weekend. He also sent me home to think about what I want my opening jump(s) to be so I spent a lot of time analyzing the music and how much time I will have to get into position for jumping and, although the music really calls for a three jump sequence (I thought a toe loop-side toe hop-waltz would work well), I'm not really sure if I'll have time to get into position for that. So now I'm thinking a flip-toe loop combo (I think future Mandi is really going to hate me for this). I'll work on both tomorrow when I have some time to play around with things. Doing floor jumps at home makes me believe I will have time for the three jump sequence but in reality, I may only have time for two unless I get super speedy overnight (which isn't likely to happen). Since I'll be competing with this before I use it for testing, there is a bit more flexibility in terms of combos and sequences so I want to do as much as possible to get those pointz! If I'm able to fit the three jump sequence in at the beginning, that leaves room for the loop-loop combo I've been working on later in the program. I shot video of my progress on this a month or so ago. I'll see if I can find it to post it here. Mostly, I think it's in good shape but I still need to work on crossing my leg in front on the second of the two jumps. The first jump is properly crossed, the second one is flamingo'd. Oy, with the flamingos already!

So.Much.Work.To.Do!

Edit to add: I just posted the loop-loop combo video in a separate post because blogger is rude and wouldn't let me tag it onto this one. Boo, Blogger.

Leaving that Geisha life Behind

I've been sick all week and skipped all of my regular practice sessions as a result. It was just a cold but it knocked me on my ass. I was feeling slightly better enough to have a lesson today but was pretty worried about the state of my skating since I haven't been to the rink to work on anything since the last time we had a lesson. This should be interesting.

Lessonz: Christopher got on the ice earlier than our scheduled lesson time so I didn't feel like I had a lot of time to warm up properly. Usually, I do about 15 minutes of moves and 10 minutes of jumps/spins before our lesson but today I only had about 10 minutes before he was there ready to start our lesson. Cool. I'm adaptable. He asked what I wanted to work on today and I said "Anything but spins please" because I already felt like my head was spinning from the sick. So, of course, what do we start with? SPINS! I just kept hoping that I could keep everything from coming up all over the ice. Ugh. Per usual, we worked almost exclusively on the entry. He gave me an exercise where I do spin entries from a standstill all the way down the blue line. That's enough to make me hurl on a good day so I had to work extra hard to keep it from coming up today. After that torture, we talked a bit about Bronze Free Skate planning. Last week, he asked me to think about music for Bronze and now that things have been decided I am happy to announce the new program! I'll be skating to "Rey's Theme" from Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I found a really pretty violin cover of it and it has a little bit more speed to it than I'm used to which is nice because it will get me to skate with a little bit more....force (eh?).

Programz: So, we didn't do much today since the music hasn't been cut yet but we played around with some things. He had me do a spiral sequence that includes a RFO spiral with a LFI mohawk into a LBO spiral where I grab my right free leg with my left hand (I'm not sure my body bends that way yet so it looks like more stretching is in my future). We also messed around with the footwork sequence. He asked me how I felt about twizzles and I was all "hells yeah, let's do some twizzles!" I've always wanted to learn twizzles! It looks like he wants twizzles in both directions so we worked on that for a bit. Later, when I was practicing, I noticed that the LFI twizzles are easier than the RFI twizzles which is weird because isn't that supposed to be my bad side? Anyway, these are fun and tricky but I'm excited to work on them! We also played around with some chained 3-turns and alternating mohawks. I asked him what his intentions are for this program in regards to a time frame. Like, am I keeping the Geisha program for sectionals and then testing the Star Wars program after? Nope! Looks like I'm debuting this beast at sectionals in March! So, not a lot of time to get it together but it's going to be fun. I imagine there will be a flip jump thrown in there as well as the sit spin we've been working on. Yikes!

Dressz: I also have a dress picked out for this new program! It's this Brad Griffies dress but with black over grey instead of black over red (to represent light side vs. dark side). I'm ordering it plain and will try my hand at stoning it myself. I'm thinking jet hematite crystals for the grey portion of the dress and some AB clear crystals for the black part (to represent stars). I think when it's done, it's pretty much going to look like the Death Star, lol. Wish me luck!

Hey, look at that! Flip jumps!

Lesson this morning! With my last couple of practices, I've been focusing on starting small with the flip jumps so I was ready to show Christopher some flips without hesitation. I've been doing them pretty much from a standstill on just a small patch of ice and I've just been drilling them over and over. I don't know if the technique has improved too much but the fear and hesitation is certainly a lot less than it was. So, before Christopher got on the ice this morning, I made sure to do at least 5 little flips as a warm up.

Lessonz: When he got on the ice, I was working on the Five Step Mohawks so we started with that. It's a good thing too, because I really feel like I'm starting to overthink (and consequently ruin) these. His main criticisms were that I need to make sure I stay on the axis, don't start the next lobe too soon, and to have a much deeper knee bend on that last step. We did a few more before moving on to the Power 3 Turns. I think these have a more deliberate flow now but they are still lacking power. I feel like, with these, I'm only improving one thing at a time. For example, I feel like I'm doing better at staying true to the axis but then I don't get on the inside edge before the crossover. Someday, I'll get it together. Finally, we worked on flip jumps. We did many. I'm consistently landing them on one foot which is nice and the hesitation is pretty much gone but I still need a lot of work on these. They are far from where they need to be. Today, we mostly worked on getting the free leg in the proper position (aka getting it crossed in front like I do in the loop jump). Progress is slow but it is still progress!

At one point I stabbed myself in the leg with my blade. I covertly checked my pants to be sure there wasn't a hole in them (Hey, skating pants are expensive!). I didn't care so much if I was bleeding, I just didn't want any holes. Priorities. Anyway, I have a nice little bruise on my right leg now as evidence that I'm willing to bleed out just so I can get a nice flip jump.

Brain vs. Body

This morning during practice:

Brain: Okay, time to work on those flip jumps!
Body: Cool. I'm ready! Let's do this!
Brain: Well, before we can begin, let's think of all the ways we can get hurt while doing this.
Body: Really? No, that's stupid. I got this.
Brain: Did you know that 90% of figure skating accidents happen while attempting flip jumps?
Body: I'm pretty sure that's fake news. Shut up and let me jump.
Brain: What kind of coffee do you think we should get from Starbucks after practice? They have red cups now and I hear their toasted white mocha tastes like a Christmas cookie.
Body: Oh.My.God...SHUT UP!

Five minutes later, finally working on those flip jumps: 

Brain: Are you sure your foot is supposed to pick in right there? Shouldn't it be...somewhere else?
Body: Look, I've done this before. I know what I'm doing. Trust me.
Brain: I mean, okay. But remember the last time I trusted you and you broke like two of our bones?
Body: That was a while ago. We're smarter now. Get ready...

Sets up for jump, does mohawk, picks in...

Brain: WAAAAAIT!!!!!!
Body: *aborts jump* What now?
Brain: Hi :)

Sitz and Flipz

With all the extra stuff I've been doing lately like stretching and working on the flexibility in my ankle, I'm finally seeing some noticeable improvements. One of the most obvious signs of improvement is that I'm just more comfortable on the ice overall. When my joints are stiff, I don't feel as though I have much control over anything but now I feel more pliable and able to save a landing or control a spin slightly better. I feel stronger and it's nice :)

Lessonz: Since Christopher saw my sit spin video, that's what he wanted to start with. I'm still not holding that LFO entry edge long enough and, even though the spin in the video was centered, most of the ones I do still travel. So, back to the blue line! Things to remember include keeping my left arm out in front, keeping my free leg out behind me as long as possible instead of swinging it around, and hold hold hold that entry edge. Doing a sit spin from a stand still is a lot more difficult than from the wind-up. Ugh. So much work to do on this! It sounds like he wants to get it to the point that we can add it to the Geisha program for Midwestern Sectionals. So, yeah, I'll be spending a lot of time on this for sure. We moved on to the flip jump. He asked to see one and I was able to do one that was decent (and by decent I mean it was at least landed on one foot). When I skated back to him he said "that's a lot better than what I'm used to seeing" (thanks?). There is still a lot of work to be done on this, though. He got the iPad out and did some Dartfish video and my free leg is so high right before I pick in! We worked on getting rid of that mule kick because not only does it look atrocious but it actually prevents me from having control over the jump. Ideally, the pick-in technique I use for the half flip should be the same as for the full flip. Again, I'm making things more difficult than they need to be. We also worked on a better check after the mohawk so that's another thing to keep in mind when I practice. We talked briefly about jumps for Sectionals and he mentioned a flip combo of some sort (yikes). I have until March so if I really put the time in and practice with a purpose I think it's an achievable goal.

Sit spin (kinda)

This is from earlier this week. I'm getting the rotations now and my back is straight so yay for progress. Now...to get lower ;)

It was a game of chicken and I lost

I skated my usual early Tuesday morning freestyle but, before I give my overview of what I worked on, please allow me a brief moment to vent. There is one particular skater at my rink who is, well, an absolute bully. I don't know why she feels the need to purposefully get in my way but she often goes out of her way just to get in my path. Most of the time I ignore it and keep doing me and I never say anything because the girl is like 7 years old and I assume nobody taught her manners yet. I try not to take it personally because I have heard the way she speaks to her parents and I've watched her not be courteous to other skaters as well. But she is a bit of a terror, honestly.

So, picture this. There are only the two of us on the ice so there is plenty of room to not get in each other's space, right? I'm in the center working on a spin and, through the blur of my spin, I see a small pink blob heading my way. I exit the spin just in time to see that she is like 5 feet away from me heading right in my direction with no intention of stopping. Had I continued on in my exit position, we would have collided, so I took a fall. A hard one! And she kept skating on in victory (Yay, you made the old lady fall. You must be so proud of yourself!). Up until this point I have broken out of moves patterns to move out of her way and have generally stayed as far away from her as I can manage. But, you know, when someone is spinning, I feel like they have the right of way considering it's difficult to see precisely what's going on around you. I mean, that's why the middle is reserved for spinning. There was no excuse for her to get that close especially since she had the whole rink and she wasn't working on a moves pattern or choreography. If this continues I really will talk to her parents/coach because what she is doing is frickin' dangerous and I'll be damned if I get hurt again just because she feels some weird need to intimidate someone who is old enough to be her mother. Ok, rant is done.

Movez: I ran through the entirety of my bronze moves multiple times, including end patterns. Everything felt fine except for my five step mohawks (oddly). Those are usually my best move but today I was having a hard time fitting in four lobes without getting uncomfortably close to the boards at the end of the rink. I might have made the pattern too big? I don't know. It's a spacing issue though and not a footwork issue so I think this will be easy to fix.

Jumpz: Yeah, I ran through everything but spent the bulk of my time on the flip jump. Once I got all the miscellaneous jumps out of the way, I did a few loop jumps and then the flip prep. I paid special attention to the pick-in trying to be more committed to vaulting from my toe pick. And then I did some actual flips. All of them were two-footed. Alas. But hey, I worked on it.

Spinz: I worked on crossing the free leg in the backspin (unsuccessfully) and then moved on to sit spins. I'm getting the rotations with these but I just can't get low enough for it to look good. It's definitely more of a squat than a sit. I'm still working on ankle exercises to get more bend but it's a slow (and hurty) process. I'm proud of myself for getting the feel for the rotations, though! I can always get lower with time but at least the spin is happening. Oh and I'm keeping my back straight! I could probably get lower if I hunched more but that isn't cute so...

Sore everywhere

Busy weekend was busy! I had a library conference/workshop on Friday that only lasted until noon so I had some time to drop-in on an afternoon freestyle session at my rink. Christopher was on the ice working with another student so I was glad that he saw that I was practicing but I felt pressure to not screw anything up. It's weird sharing the ice with your coach when they're not working with you. I know he was focused on working with his student and wasn't actually watching me but I always felt like there was a pair of coach-y eyes on me. So much pressure!

Friday Practiz: I spent a lot of time working on power 3-turns to get them to flow a little more. I'm no longer scared of these and actually like working on them now. I'm determined to get these polished! I ran through the other bronze moves and then moved on to spins. Mostly, I worked on sit spins and attitude spins because those need the most work. Overall, it was really nice to skate on a Friday afternoon and I think I made progress on some things.

Saturday Lessonz: We started with power 3-turns because that's what I was working on when he got on the ice. The flow has definitely improved so now we are just working on staying on the axis. He wants me to use the red dots down the length of the rink as an axis but I'm having a difficult time actually seeing them. Something to work on. We moved on to the BX-BO edges. He changed my intro steps so that I'm going in at a diagonal, changed my starting foot to the right instead of the left, and instructed me to do three steps instead of four. It's amazing how much better these start now! Up until this point I was doing four intro steps from the hockey goal and a 3-turn to start the move and now I'm doing 3 steps from the opposite lutz corner and a mohawk and these are great now. Now that the beginning of the move is straightened out, he wants me to focus on power and making it BIG! We moved on to the flip jump and it's back to being a disaster. I think I just need to start from scratch with this. He said I'm putting way too much effort into making such a simple jump happen. Next time I'm on the ice, I'm just going to pick a small patch of ice and start small with it. Finally, we did some backspins. I'm glad I've been working on them but, of course, they still have a long way to go. We worked on getting me out of the flamingo position and into the proper crossed leg position. Again, I'm just going to start small with these and pick a spot on the ice and just do them over and over until I get them right.

Off Ice Exercisez: I've been trying to do more off ice to prepare for the sit spin and the layback spin but, in addition to that, I've been trying to build strength as well. I went to Target and got a hold of some 5lb ankle weights and have been using those for some leg lifts and one-legged squats. So now my body hurts everywhere instead of just in the usual old lady spots. Isn't all of this supposed to make me feel better? Ouch!

You spin me right 'round baby right 'round

I went to the Wednesday night public session at APEX and it was super busy. They put cones out so the figure skaters could have the middle but that was crowded too. Since I didn't have room to work on much of anything I stuck to elements that didn't take up too much space, namely spins and turns.

Attitude Spin: I'm still working on centering my spin before I get into an attitude position as well as getting the free leg higher. I had a few that felt like proper attitude spins so yay. 

Layback Prep: I've been stretching my back a lot lately and I'm feeling a little less stiff but the feeling of a layback is still so foreign to me. I did some two-foot spins where I pushed my hips out and tried to lean back but I kept catching my toepicks and the spins just died. This is going to take a while. 

Sit Spin: I've been doing other stretches to accommodate this move as well. I'm also doing some one-leg squats to build up strength to get back up from the spin (assuming I can get down first). The dorsiflexion in my bad ankle is slowly improving but it was so bad over this past year because I never had much reason to work on it. I'm feeling the pain now, of course. Literally. So yeah, things are becoming a little more movable but it's really slow progress. I was able to get two revolutions but I know I didn't get down as low as I probably should. 

Backspin: Ah, yes. Ye Olde Dreaded Backspin. They are still flamingo'd but I'm getting more comfortable with feeling where I need to be on my blade. So...progress. 

BO3 Turns: It got pretty crowded at one point so I didn't even have room for spins and I wasn't ready to get off the ice yet. I decided that working on backward 3 turns would be a valuable use of my time and I don't need a lot of room to do them. I haven't touched these in so long that I can't really remember the last time I did them. I know that ages ago (and by "ages" I mean like 10 years ago) when I was enrolled in group freestyle classes at my rink I learned all four backward 3 turns. Obviously that was a while ago so I was pretty cautious tonight. All I really remember from that period of time was that I had a lot of nasty backward tailbone falls while practicing these. Scary. So, I started off slowly with an RBO 3 turn and that came back to me pretty quickly. I tried one LBO (bad leg) and almost ate ice. I think I'll start working on these more as I know they will come back to haunt me when I get to silver moves. Also,  I see that the BI 3s are now part of the Bronze compulsory moves. I can't avoid them forever. 

In my head

I skated an early morning session and spent the bulk of my time working on moves. After Saturday's debacle, my head is kind of a mess. I can't believe I went from feeling so awesome for finally getting the flip jump to work to feeling so low in such a short amount of time. When I say that Saturday killed my spirit, I really mean it. I'm doubting everything now. I hate that one bad lesson set me back so far. But work got done today regardless:

Perimeter Power Stroking: I usually use this as part of my warm up so working on it never really feels like a chore. It feels pretty good, actually.

Forward Power Three Turns: These need the most work so I spent a lot of time at the blue line slowly trying to get my arms and hips to work in unison. The more I do them, the more comfortable they feel. I eventually moved the pattern out to the long axis of the rink and did several passes here too. Because I've spent so much time focusing on being aware of my body parts, I no longer fear those click of death moments. These still have a ways to go yet but I think I'm making some progress.

Alternating BX-BO Edges: Now that we have added a 5 count and Christopher fixed my arms, these feel so much better, even on my bad side! I just have to remember to count and keep my arms and head in the proper place and I'm good.

Circle 8: So much improvement on this! My LFO edge is so much more controlled and my circles are all pretty much the same size. I did these really early in the session before the ice got all marked up so I could see if I was retracing the circles and they actually look pretty good. I still want to work on a stronger push, though, so I'm not done with these yet!

Five Step Mohawks: No changes here. Just keeping them under my feet now. Christopher hasn't seen these in a while so I would really like him to look at them just to make sure they are acceptable.

I ended the session with some spins and jumps. Attitude spin and sit spin got worked on, all of my program jumps got done, and then I ended with some flip jump attempts (I fell on the only two I attempted). I feel like I'm starting over on the flips and I'm really sad that the confidence I built up to do these is completely gone now. I'll just keep chugging along!

Whenever there is a high, there is a low

Lesson today! Christopher is busy performing in a ballet so he arranged a substitute coach to work with me so I don't miss a lesson. It was the same substitute coach from last time. Guys, I think I need to tell him that I don't want to work with her again. I'm not sure how to talk to him about this because I know he seems to like her and I'm sure she's great with the younger students but I really don't work well with her. She just doesn't "get" adults (or, at the very least, just doesn't get me).

Earlier this week, I really battled through some of the fear I've been struggling with on the flip jump and felt like I made some progress. Today, however, my inability to do this jump came back. In fact, my ability to do any jump, really, left me. It just wasn't a good day for jumps. Usually when this happens, I work on field moves or spins instead. If jumps aren't happening, I'm not going to try to force them to happen. I don't want to get hurt again.

So, when she got on the ice, we started right away with the flip jump because that's what Christopher told her we should be working on. I told her that my jumps were not good today but agreed to work on the flip because I know I can't avoid it. It needs work. She had me start with some flip prep exercises. These are the ones I've been working on with Christopher - a half-flip that does a hop instead of rotate so I can get the feel of getting my free-leg in the "h" position. I did a few of these and when I skated back to her she said "You know that's not a flip, right?" I mean, yeah, you asked to see the flip preps, that's what I gave you. So, she made me feel stupid for doing the thing she asked me to do. So, fine, we moved on to actual flip jumps. She criticized where I was placing them on the ice and, I get it, I know that certain jumps are done in certain parts of the rink but I'm learning this right now. Does it matter if I fall here or fall over there? I'm not doing them at full speed yet or even as part of a program. I'm really just focusing on the mechanics of the thing.

After several attempts and no actual landings of this jump, I finally said "I don't think this is going to happen today" and she said "Let's talk about negative self talk and how if you say it's not going to happen, it won't." This....really made me angry! I don't give up and I hate that she got that impression of me based off of something I said out of frustration. How long have I worked on getting the LFO edge on my circle 8? How long have I been working on this stupid flip jump trying to battle a fear that makes no sense? I'm allowed to get frustrated but I NEVER GIVE UP!

Our whole lesson was a disaster. I felt like she was talking down to me and didn't give me any real techniques that would help with the things I'm struggling with. This is my second time working with her and I thought maybe during our first lesson we just didn't click and I should give her a second chance, right? Yeah, it's not going to happen again. I went from being so proud of myself for the progress I've made on the flip and the circle 8 to feeling worthless. You know, after my lessons with Christopher, I feel empowered and it gives me motivation to keep working through some of these problem areas. If she were my full-time coach, I think I would eventually quit. She killed my spirit :(

Like a Warrior!

So, my fight against fear has begun and I even made myself a playlist on Spotify that I can blast through my car speakers on the way to the rink. I think it worked because today I was not only able to make some attempts at the flip jump but I even landed a number of them! There is still such a long way to go but the first step is sometimes the hardest, right? It's all uphill from here!

Here's a video from this morning's practice as proof that it happened (with a bonus blooper at the end!)

Just say "no" to fear!

Okay, you know what? I'm mad! I'm so angry at my brain for constantly telling me to be afraid. It's stupid and I'm over it! Do you know that I haven't had a single fall in several weeks? That means I'm being waaay too cautious on the ice and I'm not letting myself be brave. I'm really sick of allowing my brain to tell me what I can and cannot do on the ice. I already know what I'm capable of! Time to push back and fight for what I want. Seriously! No more fear! I'm done! Fear is no longer welcome here!

YASSS SNOW!

It was just a light dusting but I will never not be excited about the first snow of the season! This Florida girl is always impressed by snow! I made the cold and wet drive to the rink this morning for a drop-in session. Since Southwestern Regionals are happening this weekend in Texas, rink schedulers moved some things around to account for lower volume. They got rid of the Friday and Saturday sessions and added drop-ins for today and Thursday. Since we can't have our regularly scheduled lesson this Saturday, Christopher agreed to coach me this morning instead. I had plenty of time to warm up and it was nice because for the first 30 minutes I had the rink to myself. Yay, nobody will see if I mess up! Oh wait...what if I fall and nobody sees me fall and I can't get up because I'm broken again and nobody can hear me scream because there's nobody there and OMGPANIC!!!!! Hello anxiety, welcome to my practice session.

Needless to say, I didn't work on anything too daring because I really was worried I would fall and freeze myself to the ice while waiting for someone to help me. So...field moves! My Circle 8 is looking so much better these days! I actually have a bit of confidence on this now that it's more and more consistent. I am finally able to better control that LFO (it only took like, what? 8 or 9 months?Ugh). I did a few of these just to make sure this is actually a thing now before moving on to the other moves. I did some simple jumps (including some loop-loop combos!) and spins and, by that time, Christopher had arrived for our lesson.

Lessonz - Since I am excited about the progress I made on the Circle 8, we started with that. He said it was good enough to pass the test so I'm considering that a HUGE accomplishment for me since it's been a disaster for so long. He wanted to see the other moves so we started working on the BX-BO edges at my request since I'm still not sure what to do with my arms. Up until now, I've just been using the same arms I use for a landing position. Turns out, that is not what you are supposed to do. So he gave me instructions on when and how to switch my arms and we added a 5 count for each lobe. Once we put in some time on this, we moved on to the Power 3-Turns. I have a tendency to avoid these because they are still not entirely comfortable but I can't avoid them when my coach asks to see them. We worked a bit on the timing of things and making the 3-turn lobe smaller and more shallow than the crossover lobe. We also worked on arms and that made a huge difference. My arms were backwards and that has been preventing me from having some good flow and control. From now on, I should have my right arm in front when I'm doing an LFO 3-turn and vice versa. So, he agreed I should spend more time on the blue line with these because I'm stepping forward too early before the axis to get ready for the next 3-turn. For now, I need the blue line to act as a visual for the axis until I'm comfortable enough to do it without. Like icy training wheels for my brain :)

We didn't have time to do much else after that but it was a good lesson and the corrections he gave me will help with a lot of the little things I've been struggling with. I asked him if he thinks it's reasonable to test these right after the new year in January or February and he said yes as long as I get more control over these Power-3 Turns. He admitted he was more concerned about the Circle 8 but since that seems to be doing okay now I should focus on improving the power 3's and then I should be good to test. So, that's what I'll shoot for. If I don't have a goal with a deadline, I start slacking. So now that I have something clear to shoot for, I have a plan.

He also asked if I was interested in the Holiday Show(!). He said it would be a good chance to skate in front of an audience again and get rid of some of those nerves. No judges, just fun. I told him I would think about it. I really like Lindsey Sterling's cover of Hallelujah and it has kind of a Christmas-y feel to it so that might work well (plus I think it would be nice to skate it in honor of Kathryn). I still need to marinate on this. Christmas felt like a long ways away but then it started snowing today and I realized that the Holiday Show would be in like...9 weeks. That's not a lot of time to learn a program. But I also like a good challenge so....we'll see :)

Half Lutz?! More like Half Klutz!

Lesson this morning! Kinda nervous as I don't really feel like I've made much progress with any of the things I was supposed to work on. But, the music in the rink was nice today! Some old late 80's early 90's rock ballads including Guns n' Roses "November Rain." It's a nice change from the usual Saturday morning country songs.

Lessonz: We started off with spins, specifically the sit spin. We spent a lot of time on the entry trying to get me to hold that LFO entry edge longer. I love how Christopher never gives up working with me on this. Persistent man, him. We made some adjustments to my arms to see if that would help. So, instead of keeping that left arm checked in front as I enter the spin, he now wants me to to have my right arm in front. Perhaps that will help. I'll try anything at this point.

Moving on to jumps! I admitted that I'm still struggling with the flip jump so he asked to see one. Given my history of only being able to do this jump in his presence, I was confident that I would be able to do one today but, to my surprise, I couldn't. It is now completely gone. Goodbye flip! We did several attempts and he mentioned that it really does look like I'm making it a lot harder than it needs to be. This proves that I have been overthinking it to the point of non-existence. I wish I could hit the "default settings" button in my brain to just start over with this. He's right, I'm too much in my head with this and I should just trust that my body knows what to do. This isn't a new skill.

He mentioned working on a lutz jump and I thought I heard him wrong so I asked him to repeat himself. Yeah, he actually said the word "lutz." No misunderstandings there. My first comment was, "ah, so you really are trying to kill me." He assured me that we'll take it slowly so we started off with the half-lutz. I haven't touched this jump since I was in Christopher's jumps class a year and a half ago and I remember making the comment back then that this jump seems like a great way to break an ankle. So, he showed me the entry (backwards one-foot glide, get on an LBO edge just before the pick in, and the rest is like a half-flip) and I was able to do one very slow half-lutz with an obvious LBO. Cool. Another thing to work on. I can't imagine building this up into a full fledged lutz without having a flip first but I suspect this is part of his plan to get me to rethink the flip. If I can wrap my head around a lutz, maybe my flip fear will go away :)

Well, I did....but I didn't

Early morning practice today and for once I wasn't cursing life when my alarm went off at 5:00am. I was actually pretty excited to get on the ice and work on the flip jump since I was able to do a bunch of them on Saturday. I felt empowered and capable. Well, guess what? I got on the ice and later in the session once I was warmed up, I...couldn't. I am so freaking disappointed in myself. Later, when I had less than 10 minutes left in the session I forced myself to work on them but every one I did was timid and two-footed. What's wrong with me????

Movez - I worked on other stuff too so things got done other than my jump failures. My circle 8 is looking really good lately. I feel like I have more control over the LFO edge now and my circles are evening out in size. Progress! I ran the other Bronze moves but spent some time on the power 3 turns because I have some fear issues on those as well. They are feeling more comfortable and less scary. I just need to work on better flow. I also noticed that I don't have a good side or a bad side with these. They are pretty equal in terms of skill.

Spinz - I wasn't as centered today as I have been during my last couple of practices but I was still more centered than usual. I started off with the attitude spin with a higher free leg and then spent some time on the sit spin. I actually had one sit spin that I had to abort because it got really speedy once I got into position. I was down more but I also angled my free leg differently and somehow that caused more speed? Yikes. I shouldn't have aborted as it was a really nice sit spin (for me) but again, I let fear call the shots. Stupid brain. I did some two-foot psuedo-laybacks just to say I did. This is going to take a lot of time. It's such an awkward feeling.

Jumpz - As usual, I ran through all of my program jumps but spent the majority of my time skating in circles trying to talk myself out of the flip fear. I even tried to pretend that Christopher was there so that I would have enough confidence to attempt some. That didn't work either. This is such a weird and unnecessary psychological thing. It makes no sense. I have done much scarier things! So stupid. Anyway, once I had about 10 minutes left I was getting pretty angry with myself for not trying. I made a commitment to work on it at every practice whether Christopher is there or not. I had to at least try, right? So I did and I hesitated on every.single.one! Because of the hesitation going into the jump, I wasn't fully committed and I two-footed every.single.landing. I don't know what's going on or why this is so debilitating. I mean, I'm not scared of falling because I fall on jumps all the time. I'm not scared that it will look messy because of course it will. All jumps do when you are learning them. If I could identify the cause of the fear I could at least try to fix it. How am I able to do them when my coach is there but balk when he's not?? So yeah, I worked on them and I know that even attempting them on my own is still progress but I'm still really frustrated with myself.

I know I need to remind myself of all of the scary things I've survived in my life up until now. I am braver than I think and I've overcome every challenge put in my path so far. It's just that sometimes courage is no match for the little voice in my head that keeps repeating "you can't."

Flippin' Out and Layin' Back

Lesson today! I knew Christopher would ask to see any progress I've made on the flip jump and I was fully prepared to admit that I am unreasonably scared to work on it. Oddly, I'm okay attempting it when he's there so I was also hoping I would at least make progress on it today in his presence. Here's how the lesson went:

Spinz: When he got on the ice for our lesson, I was in the process of working on the attitude spin. I feel like I've made some pretty good progress with these in my last few practices. I've really been focusing on getting that free leg higher. Since he saw me working on it, that's what we started with. I think he was pleased. He would still like to see the free leg higher but it's much better than it has been. He wanted to see it with both arms overhead and, seeing that I was able to do this in a decent position, he moved me on to working on a...wait for it....LAYBACK SPIN! Hells yeah! I've always loved this spin! We are starting slowly, of course. I'm nowhere near a layback position but now that my spins are consistently centered and I have a feel for spinning with my free leg up and behind me, it seems like a logical next step. For now, he wants me to work on a two-foot spin with my hands on my lower back pushing my hips out and with my head looking up but eyes looking forward to get a feel for what it's like to do a layback (I hope that makes sense). Anyway, super dizzy but super excited for this next step! I'll have to work on some back flexibility exercises to get a nice arch in my back. Next, we moved on to the sit spin. I'm getting the rotations in position, my back is straight, and arms are in front. It would be a nice sit spin if I could get lower. Again, I have to work on being able to bend my left leg (always a struggle). But, it's a good start.

Jumpz: Straight away he asked to see my flip jump and straight away I told him I'm scared. So, he said "do one" and, of course, I was able to do it just fine with him there. I think we did about eight of them and I would say that only two of them felt like they were proper flips where they actually did kind of feel like a loop jump with a different entry and I could feel my free leg "unwrap" on the landing. He also pointed out that I'm over-rotating both my flip and my loop so that might be part of the problem. My arms check out but my body is still rotating. This lack of control may be a contributing factor as to why I'm so fearful on these. If I can get my body and my arms to talk to each other and decide on when to end the jump, I'll be in a much easier state of mind and things will fall into place nicely.

So, I'm committing myself to working on flip jumps during each practice, whether my coach is there or not. It needs to get done and I can't procrastinate anymore or I'll never see progress. So yeah, I've got a bunch of new stuff to work on and it's all very exciting but it's never going to work unless I do :)

Wednesday Night Progress

I went to the Wednesday night public session at Apex and, although it was a bit crowded, there was still room to get some stuff done. Mostly, I worked on the Circle 8 and the attitude spin but I threw some other things in there as well.

Movez - Really couldn't do much in the way of full-on Bronze moves but the middle of the rink was left abandoned for long stretches of time so I took advantage of the open space and worked on the Circle 8 quite a bit. For some reason, my left leg cooperated tonight and I was able to do the full move with decently-sized circles without a foot down! I feel like I really made some progress on this and so I kept working on it and working on it to make it stick. I stopped only when another figure skater got on to share the middle with me. It was an hour session and I'm pretty sure I devoted half of that to the Circle 8. I feel a bit more confident about it now! I also worked on the Five Step Mohawks and both sides of the Power Three Turns but, because of the crowds, I had to break the patterns pretty frequently. But hey, at least I can say I worked on them!

Jumpz - I worked on all of my program jumps but paid special attention to the toe loop. I did a couple where I feel like I got some good height (which, in all honesty, was kind of scary). I think the difference is that now I am forcing myself to hold that RBO edge for a longer amount of time before picking in. I'm not sure if my glide-through got any better but the flow and height of the thing certainly did. I also did some half-flips to prepare for the flip jump. Doing these tonight, I tried to get more power and height so I can eventually add that extra half-rotation for the full flip. I really wanted to attempt some flips tonight but I chickened out each time. I feel like I am only brave enough to do them when Christopher is there. I hate this. I have done this jump before and have been practicing them off-ice but I go through periods where I just...can't. I wish I knew a way to get my mind right on this.

Spinz - I also dedicated plenty of time to these as well because I know I struggle with the entrance and centering. I really want to improve these. I started with some one-foot spins and, when I felt like those were steady, I moved on to the attitude spin. My goal with these was to improve my body position to make it less like a one-foot spin with an arm variation and more like a proper attitude spin. I went to the boards and got into the attitude position. I've determined that if my back doesn't hurt slightly, I'm not attitude-y enough...lol. Then I went out to open ice and tried a bunch where I forced myself to really feel my back flexing to get the free-leg higher. I think I made some headway on this! It helps that my spins were centered this evening. Since spins felt pretty good, I decided now would be a good time to work on backspins for a bit. They are still mostly flamingo'd but I was able to muster some courage to get the free leg crossed in front for one revolution here and there. I even dabbled in some change-foot spins. Again, these were flamingo'd but I got 3 revs on each foot so there's that. Finally, since I know it was on the list that Christopher gave Coach G this past weekend, I know he's going to want to start looking at my sit spin. I did some from the wind-up and was able to get a few that were centered and had at least 3 revolutions but the dorsiflexion in my left ankle is still garbage so they were squat spins at best.

All in all, it was a productive practice and I feel like stuff just kind of clicked tonight. Physically, I know I have it in me to do some of these elements well, I am just battling some pretty big fear issues. I think if I can find a way to overcome that, I can really start progressing on some things.

Fill-in Coach

Christopher told me that he would be away this week and that he arranged another coach to fill in for him. This coach is new to our rink and I was excited to get a different perspective. She did well and she seems really nice. I don't think I learned anything groundbreaking but she was pleasant.

Christopher sent her a list of things he wanted her to work on with me but we didn't have time to go through all of them. The flip jump and the sit spin were on the list (!) but we only had time to work on the spin entry and preparation for the flip jump. However, we started off by looking at the Circle 8, per my request.

Circle Hate (ahem, I mean, Circle 8): I warned her ahead of time that, due to the injury, I have a difficult time getting on an LFO edge. She gave me direction on getting my right hip higher which was new and helpful, but she kept telling me that my LFO circle was too big and to just make it smaller. Yes, I know. That's the problem! I can't get on the edge. Like, I get what I'm supposed to do, I just can't get my body to do the thing. If I could get on the edge, the circle would be smaller but I can't just make it so. Maybe this is a problem that will never be fixed despite who is coaching me. I'm just broken :-/

Spin Entry: Christopher added this to the list because of my problems getting on the LFO edge and travelling as a result. Again, I'm not sure how much she helped in this regard. I think she thought the problem was that I was having a difficult time with the spinning aspect of it all. But it's not the spin that's the problem, it's the LFO into the spin that's the issue.

Flip Prep: We only had five more minutes left so I told her what I've been doing as prep exercises for the flip jump (half flip with free leg in "h" position and loop jump). She had me do each for her and then she had me do a couple of things with my arms at the boards but, again, nothing that I didn't already know. This isn't a technique problem, it's a fear thing. I've landed the flip a number of times but then I go months without working on it because somehow fear gets in the way. It's frustrating to know that I can and have done the element but then suddenly I can't because I'm scared.

So, here are my thoughts: I think she's a lovely person and I'm sure she's an excellent skater/coach but I get the impression that she maybe doesn't work with a lot of adults. Our problems with skating are so different than those of the younger kids. Adult skaters aren't as pliable as kids are and so we balk at trying things because when we fall, we fall hard and sometimes can't get up. I know how the flip jump works and where to spin on my blade but I have both physical and psychological roadblocks that prevent me from completing these elements. It's not as simple as just explaining it to me. I need time and encouragement...and PATIENCE! I think that's why I appreciate my coach as much as I do. He understands that I'll get it eventually, but I need to talk it out and maybe overthink about it for a bit before I muster the courage to actually do it. He listens. When I was having anxiety over doing the loop jump again, he let me panic about it and explain why I'm scared all the while encouraging me and reminding me that I'm brave. Coaching isn't all about explaining technique. I think to be a good coach you also have to be empathetic and understanding of some of the larger issues, especially when you are coaching adults. So yeah, I liked her okay but working with her reminded me why I like working with Christopher so much. He just gets me :)

2018 CSI Free Skate Video

Yay! I finally got the video of my free skate from the Colorado Springs Invitational. I really do wish I would have smiled more throughout. Meh, next time there will be smiles. Enjoy!

Courage does not always roar...

I'm feeling a bit lost and confused and I don't know where else to post this except here. I met a lovely new friend named Kathryn back in May. She posted on the adult figure skating Facebook group saying that she had just moved to Colorado and was looking for skating buddies to connect with. As introverted as I am, I immediately said "ME! Skate with ME!!!" I had the privilege of getting to skate with her at my rink and, during our practice, we talked about similar struggles with our skating as we were at the same level. She complained about her right blade, I complained about my wonky leg. She was bright and adventurous and she genuinely sparkled. I wish I had more time to get to know her before she left us so suddenly on Tuesday.

She congratulated me on my competition and even commented on how cool our club jackets are. I thought she might get back on the ice with me and maybe join my club once she got her blade issues sorted out. And now she's gone and, even though I didn't know her for very long, I know she left an impact on my life. Going through her Facebook photos from this past week, I saw one of her dog, Emma, sitting adorably on Kathryn's bed and then I saw the pillow in the background. It reads: "Courage does not always roar...Sometimes it is the quiet at the end of the day saying...'I will try again tomorrow'"

So, Kathryn, when I lace up my skates and step on the ice, when I feel discouraged that I struggle with things that seem to come so easily to others, when I celebrate my victories and lament my shortcomings, I will think of you. And I will try again tomorrow 💓

I don't always have fields, but when I do, I move in them

Back to the grind! My Bronze moves have taken a back seat while I was preparing for the competition so today's practice was reserved for only field moves. I did a couple of jumps and spins just to say I did but I spent the whole hour trying to get my moves back under control.

Perimeter Power Stroking: I usually incorporate this as part of my warm-up every time I get on the ice so these were still okay. I still need to work on trying to get more extension with my free leg and making sure my arms are pretty.

Forward Power Three Turns: I have been avoiding these for the longest time! I can't do that anymore. I really want to pass this test so I can move on to Bronze free skate. I spent a good chunk of my practice on these because they need the most work. I went back to basics and did them first on the blue line and then moved the whole pattern out to the full rink. I did them very slowly because I think my earlier "click of death" problems were the result of rushing. I have a tendency to rush everything and this is one of those moves where rushing can really hurt you. I would rather do them slowly and correctly than rush through them and have them be sloppy (or, worse yet, fall by tripping myself). I did several passes on both sides. I promise to work on this every time I practice. No more of this "I don't feel like it today" b.s. because that's just a lame excuse and I know it.

Alternating BX-BO Edges: My LBO is not as strong as my RBO so I need to do these more and really lean in to those LBO edges to balance this out more. I need to ask Christopher how my arms should be. Like, do I switch them at all or do I just have them out to the sides like I do in a landing position?

Forward Circle 8: So, yeah, this was crap. Again with the LFO and my wonky leg. All the other circles are fine but when I step onto the LFO circle, I just go straight. I just don't know how to fix this. I'm hoping that, as long as I don't put a foot down, I'll just get low marks on this but I won't be asked to retry and I won't fail the whole test because I think my other test elements will carry me through. Along with the power stroking, I always incorporate the circle 8 into my usual warm-up routine so it's not like I haven't been working on this. I work on it every time I skate and it's still crap. It's always going to be crap. Ugh.

Five Step Mohawk Sequence: These are fine and they flow well. They are a bit noisier than I want them to be and, of course, the solution to that is to bend my knees more and get off those damn toe picks. By far, though, this is my favorite move.

Christopher reminded me that he won't be there for our lesson on Saturday but he has asked another coach who is new to our rink to stand in for him. I forget her name but I'm excited and a bit nervous to work with her. I think it will be nice to have a different perspective. I hope she's okay focusing on field moves because I really need to get this polished. I would like to test in January maybe :)

Competition Debrief

So, my first competition is in the books! Overall, it was an amazing experience and felt very different from test day. I felt happy and relaxed, I met some other adult skaters who were very positive and supportive of every one else, and I felt confident in my abilities. Would I do it again? Hells yeah! Before I go into specifics, I'm sure you're wondering how I did. I placed first in both compulsory moves and free skate (TWO gold medals YAASS)! Honestly, I had some pretty tough competition and was ready to accept any placement I got so I was genuinely surprised when they announced my name for gold. All I wanted to do was skate my best and I really feel like this was the best I've done in a while. I'm really glad my body decided that this was a good time to center spins and perform well ;)

Warm-upz: I signed up for a 15 minute warm-up session so I could get a feel for the ice and how the rink felt. Holy smokes the ice was rough! It felt like skating on gravel! Before my 15 minute warm-up there had already been three practice sessions on that ice without a zam so by the time I got to it, it was pretty torn up. I ran through everything, though, and Christopher was at the boards making corrections as needed. Those 15 minutes went by pretty quickly and it seemed as soon as I got on, the announcer told us we had 1 minute left. Yikes!

Compulsory Movez: My husband was kind enough to film this and it's a good thing he did because, since I was skating at the Zamboni end, the videographer didn't film it. I put the video below for your viewing pleasure! I was the final skater in our group of 6 so I had plenty of time to overthink before I got on the ice (classic Mandi). Christopher had me do a quick run-through of everything while the skater before me was performing so that when I got on the ice, everything was fresh in my mind. This went as well as it could. Everything flowed nicely and was at a decent speed. If I had to change anything I would have slowed down that final toe loop. It was definitely rushed and I'm pretty sure it was cheated. I think had I slowed things down a bit, I would have done a proper toe loop.

Free Skatez: I ordered a professional video of this so I'll post that once I get it. The videographer said she could cut me a copy at the event but it would take an hour and my mother-in-law was already waiting in the car. I should have it up in about a week. I have the video that my husband shot up on my YouTube page but it's blurry in spots and kind of shaky. If you are really interested in viewing it, it's there, but I'll hold off on posting anything here until I get the professional copy. How did it go? It went well. I still had some nerves and I wish I would have held the landings out more but I landed all of my jumps, the spins were centered, and I ended on time with the music. What would I change? I missed the transition after the salchow-toe loop combo. I added some filler at that point and, honestly, it's not even noticeable unless you are really familiar with my choreography. My attitude spin was lacking attitude. Really, it was just a one-foot spin with an arm variation. I was just so happy that it was centered that I didn't want to raise my free leg any higher and mess it up. Overall, everything felt pretty good and I remembered to make eye contact with the judges and smile.

Overall thoughtz: 1). It helped to not look at the judges faces. When I did look at them, I just looked at their shoulders, really. If I see them as just human-shaped forms without faces it doesn't feel like they are watching me and, you know, judging. So yeah, picturing the judges as blobs kind of helped. I'm totally doing that again! 2). My hair. Oh lord. I got my hair braided at the competition and the lady doing it was quick and professional. She did a great job! But she used a lot of product and my hair felt like cement. It looked kind of greasy even. Next time, I'm just going to do a simple ballet bun and secure the crap out of it. 3). I really loved meeting the other adult skaters! They were so nice and we all cheered each other on. I get a feeling that it's not like this with the younger skaters so I'm glad that the adult skating community is so friendly. It really makes the competition experience a pleasant one. We all friended each other on Facebook so we can keep in touch. 4). I felt very lucky to have Christopher there. Dustin said that I really just seemed to relax once Christopher arrived. He's like my skating security blanket! I also got a couple of compliments on the choreography so I feel extra lucky that I have a coach that not only gives me good direction and support but can choreograph a lovely routine for me. Best coach! 5). I decided not to practice during the two days leading up to the competition. I wanted to relax not only my body but my mind as well. I always skate best after a "reset." 6). No coffee leading up to the event! On test day back in May I drank like a half a pot of coffee and the caffeine/adrenaline combo did not work in my favor. This time, I saved my coffee drinking for after the event (also, once you get the tights, leotard, and dress on, peeing is a monumental task that takes not only mental fortitude but expert contortionist skills. No thanks!).

So now starts the task of working hard to improve the things I've learned and work on the things I still struggle with (and there's a lot!). Knowing that I am capable of doing okay in a competition inspires me to work even harder. I have a lot to prove and miles yet to go!

Go Fast. Don't Suck.

This is my final entry before the competition (commence panic!) so I've decided to write myself (or anyone else that is reading this) a bit of a motivational post. Back in the day, I was a barista at Starbucks and if you've ever been there during a rush you can see how hectic it gets sometimes. Every now and then a new barista will be hired and they usually ask the more seasoned baristas for advice and the answer that is most commonly given is "Go fast. Don't suck." I'm adopting this as my personal mantra for this competition. My coach wants me to skate with speed so I'll go fast. The judges want proper technique and good performance, so I'll try my best not to suck.

Going into this competition, I'm reminded about why I started skating to begin with. I know I'll never go to the Olympics and I may not even do well enough to earn a medal at this particular competition but I know I'll have fun! I'm going to meet at least five other skaters who are skating at my level and who are just as excited to get on the ice and skate their programs as I am. I'm not even thinking of them as competitors because I'm not out for blood, you know? So I don't really feel like they are my competition. My only competition here is myself and as long as I do my best and skate a program that I can be proud of, I think I'll be happy. No puppies will die if I don't make the podium, my coach won't beat me, my husband won't divorce me. Even if I get last place, I will still get more points than if I were the only competitor and got default first. So, even if I come in last, I win.

I find that I am more excited than nervous. I get to wear my club jacket for the first time at a competition and I get to hear my name called over the speakers. How fun! I get to have fun hair and make-up and see the people who love me cheering me on from the stands. I don't know, that sounds like a good time, right?

So, go out there and be the best Geisha or Spiderman (Hi Stan!) or whatever and kick some ass! Most importantly, have fun and enjoy the experience. Just being there is an accomplishment. Celebrate it :)

Sometimes Love Hurts

I love skating! I mean, duh. Why else would I do a thing where I risk injury every time I step on the ice? Today, though? Well, it was just one of those days where every thing hurt. Every.little.thing! It was so difficult to get anything done this morning because my left leg was throbbing. Just doing a simple 3-turn was really painful. On top of the leg pain, I was having a very difficult time catching my breath (mild asthma). It was all super discouraging and left me utterly exhausted by the time I left the ice. But, I did work on stuff so it wasn't a total loss.

Spinz - Nothing was centered today. That's pretty typical of how I usually skate but today was especially "travely."

Jumpz - I worked on all of my jumps. In fact, I think the bulk of this morning's practice was jumps (oddly, they didn't hurt as much as the spins). My jump sequence completely left me, though, which is not surprising since 2/3 of the jumps land forward on my left toe pick. Salchows and salchow-toe loop combos were fine as were my loop jumps. I just hope everything comes back to me by Saturday.

Compulsoriez - I ran this a couple of times and, with the exception of the jump sequence being wonky today, this is just fine. It may just be the only thing I'm kind of confident about.

Programz - I didn't feel like running my music today (don't tell my coach) but I did run pretty large sections of the program and spent some time working on those transitions to/from the various elements. If anything improved today, it was the transitions. Those feel pretty comfortable now. I even worked out what to do if I end my spin facing the wrong direction so that's one fewer thing to worry about.

I guess we all have good days and bad days. Today was bad but I know the next time I get on the ice it will be better.

APEX Madness and Bronze Ideas

I went to APEX tonight for their public session so I could get some time in with my newly sharpened blades. I always like to do this on a public session rather than a freestyle because I honestly look a bit inept for the first 10 minutes after a sharpening. So yeah, blades are sharp and they feel pretty good. I'm not sure if my last sharpening back in April was poorly done or if this one was just done really well but I feel like everything is just so much easier now! My spins were great and my LFO even felt easier. Neat!

But...APEX was an absolute zoo tonight! Luckily, the skate guard put out the cones but there were five of us figure skaters trying to practice in the small area in the center. We were all very courteous though which was nice. We were very aware of when the others were lining up for a jump or setting up for a spin and gave them their space. Even though it was all very civil, space was limited and I couldn't really practice the things I needed to. Mostly, I just did individual elements where and when I could. Lots of spins and lots of individual jumps but nothing whole. At least I put some time in and got acclimated to the way my blades feel so there's that.

Also, I feel like I need to really start thinking about Bronze free skate. I updated the links on the right-hand side of this blog to reflect the new rules that went into effect on September 2nd. I am very pleased! With the previous set of rules, I felt like my physical handicaps would prevent me from passing the test. Now, I feel confident that I can pass! I have an idea for music and I even found a dress that would match so now all I need to do is pitch my ideas to Christopher to see if he's on board with it all since he'll be choreographing the thing. I also need to get back to working on the flip jump since that has been put on the back burner so I can focus on the geisha program. For Bronze, I would like to challenge myself by doing a salchow, loop, flip, and waltz-toe for my jump elements. For spins, I would like to work on getting a solid camel and a decent backspin. I worked on some backspins this evening and was able to get 3-4 revolutions but they were not in the crossed-leg position. Incorporating this into a program will force me to work on it. So yeah, I have a concept for my Bronze free skate but I'll announce it once I get coach approval. Stay tuned! 😉